New game!
Spoil somebody’s wish and then make one yourself

This is how it works

Person 1 – I want a pint

Person 2 – you get a pint but somebody’s spat in it. I want a new car.

Person 3 – you get a new car but it’s a matchbox toy car. I want a new job.

OK, get it?

I want a new job.

you get a new job but its cleaning toilets for 50 pee an hour

You have to make a wish now for someone else to corrupt!

shit sorry forgot my wish :lol:

i want a new record player

you can have one but it will only play U2 records. I want to be tall.

ZAP! Magically you're really tall, but you have freakishly long legs and a tiny body.

I want to be rich

you are rich, richard d. nixon

i want sweets

you are, and I'm judy.

oh ..too slow.
Sweets?
You have them. And an absess.
I want to sleep.

You do, and when you wake up you'r surrounded by 7 tiny men with axes.

I wish for a holiday.

You have it, but the week you're away The Fall are playing your local youth club.

You're so mean! :lol:

You also forgot you wish!

I wish I could remember.

You remember that you are about to start a really long maths test, you don't have a calculator, or a pen, and you are completely naked and everyone is laughing at you, and also a tyrannosaurus rex is about to bite your arse off - that's why you forgot.

I wish I was dead

New Face In Hell wasn't just a song, you discover.

I wish the Fall would play my town.

The Fall plays in your town, but Mark has sacked the band and he's now playing with Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, performing nothing but songs from Shift-Work in prog-rock fashion.

I want more free time.

You get fired from your job.

I wish I didn't have this terrible ulcer!

You don't have an ulcer; it's actually cancer.

I wish I wasn't so horrible to people.

Nobody's stepped up yet so it looks like I'm going to have to spoil this one for you :P

Everybody in the world, including your friends and family, are killed in a nuclear holocaust which you avoided (you inadvertently wandered into a nuclear bomb shelter or something) and you die alone!

I wish I wasn't so stupid.

You arrange to have a brain transplant and end up with a really really intelligent brain that is dead clever at everything - sums and reasoning and that - but the brain also compels you to only listen to really whiny indie rock music like Coldplay and er... Travis. And that other one. And Stereophonics.

I wish I didn't worry about things so much

You get lobotomised. Ignorance is bliss, eh?

I wish there was something decent on at the cinema.

There's something decent on at the cinema but it's it shuts after one day before you get around to seeing it cos people are more interested in Garfield 2

I wish i lived in greenall whitley land

...and with a smell of brimstone you are living in Greenall Whitley Land, were the beer is cool, and the hearts are warm. However you are labeled for the rest of you life as the person who remebers ads from the 80's and you live in shame for the rest of your days.

I want a pair of Manolo Blahnik boots.

You get the boots but your feet have been cut off with a chainsaw by a mad old woman from Croydon

I wish I could write a best selling novel

you do, but you'd neglected to read the smallest print of your contract.

I wish I was in sheffield.

You are in Sheffield but the Human League are reforming again.

I wish I was less cynical...

You become less cynical,
but also more conical


I wish I was left-handed.

You become left handed... but you are starving in the wilderness. You find a can of beans.. but the opener is right handed.

I wish I wasn't bored

Your boredom vanishes, but only because an angry mob surround your house hurling rocks through your window and closing in for the kill.

I wish there was world peace.

World peace arrives; the resulting boredom drives you to suicide.

I wish I had the magical power to grant all my own wishes, without negative consequence.

You get your powers and none of your wishes backfire - however a rival wizard sets up shop and smites you with HIS bad luck powers...

I wish I had an island all to myself...

You can have an island to yourself but at high tide it disappears

I want to win the lottery

You win the lottery but it's only a fiver jackpot this week due to a mass boycott.

I want to win the lottery when there's a 50 million quid jackpot :P

You do, but would you believe it? Another 50,000 punters also came up with the winning numbers.

I wish I had some fresh milk this morning.

You have some fresh milk but you suddenly develop lactose intolerance

I want a big chainsaw

You get a big chainsaw only to have a bunch of snooping kids turn up at your wrecked farmhouse.

I want a copy of private eye

You get a copy of Private Eye:



I want someone to make a stage musical version of Eraserhead.

Andrew Lloyd Webber produces Eraserhead starring Elton John as the baby & Bryan Adams as Henry


I want a new bike

You find a great offer on a fantastic bike. It is the ultimate bike, no other bike will ever satisfy you now you’ve found this one. You can’t believe your luck as you wait delivery for your dream machine.
The company goes bust and all it’s assets are ceased. You loose your money and you never get to see the bike, let alone ride it.

I want to own a record shop.

You do, but it sells criminal records.

I want The Fall to play Carry Bag Man at Leicester Princess Charlotte.

The Fall play a 115-minute version of Carry Bag Man. And nothing else.

I want The Beta Band to reform.