i am to be wed! wives are like buses- i'm all alone for 14 years and then two come along at once.

emma (schoolfriend/fiance)

and

proffesor doomeh von darkness. (goth/fiance)

now- post, lauren, post! only you can stop me looking crazy! (actually i think it's a little late for that) how about we have this as a general *random* thread to avoid the annoyance of damian/philonski/ste who it often feels like i'm annoying.

Congratulations!

With regard to the topic at hand, I'm all for a bit of amateur surgery, as long as it involves someone else. I need my brain, for finking wiv.

Dont do it!

She/it (simpson?) will only make you don the apron and hoover!

NOoooooo!

Jish, are you going to let him call Emma "it"?

Good, I should hope not too.

Random thread? Hmmm......How are the jam mines going? I hope my £20,000 was put to good use. If not, that's it. No more jam for you, Jack, or, or, anyone for that matter. You hear me? NO JAM!

Heyyy! What the hell is wrong with hoovering? :angry:

yes. it's going out with MC whitesnake now. ah well, d00mw0lf has me all to herself now! w00!


and as for the jam, i issuer the following statment:

"i cannot condone or encourage strike action, as it is, further strike action or lesser strike action, until the action is, or as is, neccesary as proven by me and my associates, as well as myself and my close colleauges. at this time, i am unavailible to comment or speak out on the subject, as it is at this time, or any later time to this point or any other point."

Heh, I guess so...But still, it's not very nice is it?

I want to go home, and listen to the Manics. But noooo. R.E next. Damnit. Anyway, at least my mother won't be too bothered about my E in that lesson... :blink:

I hated RE when I was at school, although several people in my class seemed to relish the opportunity to have an argument!

I wasnt calling emma "it", but it can stick if you like.

Don't worry jish, Whitesnake'll only nut her when he goes to say hello.

It won't last long. The "ripping" of them has already started, Swindells found out!!!

not much conselation from me/c*nt.



THE BIG PING!!!!!

elephant37:what the hell are you talking about?

lauren: you take E's in R.E? no wonder you were so giggly.

mr idle: like you could argue with someone in our R.E class. (random overheard quote when discussing animal testing: "yeah, how would a fish feel if you dunked it's head underwater?")

Yeah, ill get my coat.

Other gifts from lauren (not the one here): "I hate snakes, all types, especially worms".

"are crisps made out of potato?"

"why didnt they call the big bang the big ping or the big pong."

me and normal lauren decided it was more of a big "ping" than a big "bang", waaay before lauren 2. in a bang sense, it was medium at best.

Yeah....*WAY* before the other, stupid Lauren. Another classic Lauren line:
"easter eggs are made from real eggs"

<_<

OK, I need serious help, cos I am loosing it! :lol:

I enjoyed RE enough to take it for a GCSE. I'm not religious, but it helps me justify my beliefs to other people, most notably my Christian girlfriend who is terrified that we'll have to go our separate ways in the afterlife.

We didn't have a choice, we just got told we were doing it. :angry:

well. neither am i*, but i think it would be fairer to get our own beliefs instead of stealing other peoples. it can't really be taught out of a book.

[edit: *actually, i believe in three things:

1)a thing called love
2)laurenism
3)the church (cult) of silver sun. (hmm. that never really took off though)

Me Lauren? Or "I'm a fuckwit" Lauren? It'd better be me. Remember my notes! And way to go on number 1. I now have to listen to Permission To Land :D

lauren "the world began with sporks" -ism

Yeeeeeehaw!

ok lauren. sporks, there, not cowboys.

See, I think you're wrong there. If all matter was created at the moment of the Big Bang, and noises such as 'bang' are created by the interaction of bits of matter with other bits of matter, then any bang is ultimately part of the Big Bang itself. Now if that doesn't make the Big Bang the daddy of all bangs, I don't know what does.

On the technical question of whether it sounded like a bang or a ping, I'm willing to be open-minded, however.

i believe it went something like this

"vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv.... beep... beep.. beep... ping!"

then the universe was taken out of the microwave, and, piping hot throughout, served up on the table of exsistence. anyway. how can anyone prove that before the big ping there was no matter? (in the microwave theory, it is really a psychological microwave oven, created by our collective consciusnce on a search for meaning.)

I hope it was allowed to stand for a couple of minutes, otherwise there would've been a whole lotta burned tongues.

Perfect!

it wasn't, that's what wiped out the dinosaurs. how did they last so long? thick feet.

So, did Adam and Eve have burnt tongues then? :blink:

yes. burnt to hell. they were sooooo burnt...

umm..

that's all i have to say on the subject. though, it is well known that the microwave theory involves a microwave COOKING THE INSIDE FIRST which is why the center of the earth is molten rock.

wow! this allll fits together!

The earth is a giant Jam doughnut,

the centre of the earth being the jam. We all know how hot jam gets when you heat it.

Infact that explains alot, think how hard a doughnut goes when you leave it for a day, let alone 3.6 billion years.

God, im good, ahem.

I believe that microwaves actually only cook things at the peak and trough of the waves, which means that they cook food all the way through at the same time, not from the middle outwards. If you put a large slice of cheese (mmm... cheese) in a microwave for a very short period of time, you should see it melt in regular spaces, which means you can measure the wavelength.

Of course, I may just have dreamed all of that - it's more than eight years since I last did any physics, and it bored me to tears back then anyway.

OOOOOooo!

also the waves explain gravity, etc...

matt: the earth is not a jam donut.

mr. bone: if microwaves cook the inside and outside of a food all at the same time, why is the centre of the earth gooey like jelly?

Well jesus.

That put a stint on my philosophical thinking.

To answer for mr.bone (please dont shoot me!),

the reason the centre of the earth is "gooey", is because the earth IS a jam doughnut.

I am god, it was my plan. Jesus, sometimes I wonder why I created humanity.

Ugh, i think i'll go and hide for a while now.

but matt! if the world was a jam donut what wiped out the dinosuars? why hasn't the jam dried? why doesn't mud taste delicious?

Because the heat on the outside disappears into the vacuum that is space (y'know, where no-one can hear you scream). Conventional microwave ovens won't work if the door is open, but that was a design fault only corrected after the Cosmic Microwave had done its thang - there simply wasn't a door big enough.

where no-one can here you scream... yeah... i know the place. kinda cold, as i remember.

You might like to use it as a setting for your brain surgery attempt - there appear to be two volunteers...

no, the poll is kinda broken. i think i set it up wrong. you have to vote for both of them (i think) or something.
nurse! the sheets!

Simple, because relativley our lifespans and time is so small and insignifcant.

If you were a butterfly that lived for a day, and something was REALLY hot (caps for emphasis), and didnt cool down during your life, or your species life, then you would think it was forever hot, or whatever. For us, that thing might only be hot for a while.

The microwave was obviously on full power, with the jam donut being heated from frozen.

Also, because of relativity, when we eat mud (for those that do, josh) its such a small part of the donut that we're only getting a tiny piece of the dough, so small that there's no sugar or flavouring to note.


Thankyou. Ahem.

you forgot about the cosmic soup. how the universe started.

i believe its best served well with bread and cheese.

alex