Guess who's out getting wasted drunk?

That's right, it's Nic Smith. Of course it is. Everyone's favourite failed criminal, four times married (or so), alcoholic, coke head, heterofail loser is, as usual drinking. And not just one or two drinks to take the edge off life. Oh no. The bartender is pretty sure he's had most of this bottle of Grey Goose. But he doesn't even seem that drunk or anything. And he tips good. So she sure as hell isn't going to cut him off.

Nic as usual looks like a complete wreck. Ripped jeans, shaggy hair, horrible beard, tired blood-shot eyes, mysterious stains on the hem of his plaid shirt. At least it's not a flannel shirt today. This is Nic dressing up and being classy and shit. Oh yes.

And guess who's back in town to supply the general Bayfield area with lots of lovely criminal activity?

Alex is at Faded to, y'know, be awesome and make fun of Nic here. Also get drunk. He's here with friends tonight, cough bodyguards. Friendly bodyguards! He leaves them to go say hello to Nic. The poor boy looks wrecked. It's probably Amely's fault.

"Fancy seeing you here," he grins at Nic, then orders a Lizard Threesome. It seems to have picked up popularity around here.

Nic sighs. Alex is nothing but trouble. Nothing at all but trouble.

"Hi Alex," he says dismally.

Nic has also suddenly remembered that boyfriend he used to be in love with but totally ditched for Amely. He hasn't thought about Davi in weeks. Now he's looking very guilty.

"I need more vodka," he tells the bartender, "lots more vodka."

Nothing like vodka for drowning your guilt. And pain, and any other emotion you might be suffering from.

"And where is dear Amely tonight?" Alex looks disgustingly cheerful as he says this. His Lizard Threesome arrives and he sips it. Too much vermouth.

"Amely," Nic thinks about this and decides to go for a lie. Because lying is always the best choice. "She's..." unfortunately a lie doesn't come to mind. Usually Nic and Amely are either glued at the hip or divorced. "Uh..." Nic's mind is not a fast moving place. It's right outside NYC at six o'clock on a Friday evening.

Alex sits patiently waiting for Nic's lie. Faeries don't much like lying, and this is sluggish Nic. So Alex may be waiting for a while.

Nic shifts awkwardly from side to side. He looks at the floor. Everyone in the club is by now painfully aware that Nic is about to try and tell a lie. It's that obvious.

Alex has a guess.

"Prison? Montana?"

"Somewhere in the middle," Nic admits. Lying is just not his thing damn it.

"Poor girl," Alex says. "Hospital? Something like that?"

Unlike the Smiths, Alex is actually smart. Nic nods. So much for playing it cool and shit.

Alex has brilliant powers of deduction and stuff. Besides, Amy belongs in a loony bin.

"And you're sad about this."

Nic looks at the empty vodka bottle on the counter. It would follow.

"How'd she end up there?"

Sure she belongs there but that doesn't mean it would be easy to get her to go there.

"Well... Long story really," Nic says. "It started... uh" when did it start again? Oh, right. With Amely's parents. Because when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much... You end up with Amely. "With Amely being born but we can skip some of the inbetween parts."

Yes, Amy's parents wuved each other, and they want their little childrens to make more little childrens so there can be more and more Shirres in wuv.

"So..."

That sounded really creepy and incestuous.

But hey, what's new?

"Right, well, the gist of it is that her dead mother sabotaged her birth control, then she tried to stab herself in the stomach with a statue of the Virgin Mary and my sister locked her up in a lunatic asylum."

Or something.

Yay creepy incest.

"Oh, well that's upsetting."

How come you aren't consoling her in the loony bin right now Nic?

Nic nods. It is upsetting. But there's no vodka in the loony bin so he's here.

"I would go visit her but she'd probably impale me on a spork."

Alex has brilliant powers of deduction.

"That's what I'm doing drinking in this bar," Nic agrees sadly. Poor Nic. Everyone should feel so bad for poor poor Nic with his crazy violent wife.

Poor Nic, he has a crazy wife and a really hot brother in law who he doesn't have sex with. Everyone should love him.

"You need anything?"

Alex has drugs, Nic. Drugs make the world okay.

Nic has drugs too. He's too clever to take things from Alexander anyway. It's the one thing he's too clever to do. He's not too clever to have sex with his brother-in-law. Not that he did or anything. Well. Maybe once. Or twice. Or... well, anyway.

"More. Vodka," he tells the bartender. She smiles. She thinks Nic is awesome like a possum.

More vodka is what Nic needs Alec. And a hug. Because he Likes Boys.

Alex isn't all that attracted to Nic in this state. He's too, eurgh, disgusting and smelly and Auriel must have no standards or too much cocaine or something.

Alex gets another Lizard Threesome.

Nic is so not disgusting and smelly. Well. He probably smells like booze and furniture polish but it's not like he hasn't taken a shower recently.

He is however still a disgusting alcoholic.

And his shirt is dirty. Heterofail fail.

Alex's friendly bodyguards come over to inspect the disgusting alcoholic and make sure he isn't going to shoot their precious Alex. One of them is Banks.

Nic is too drunk to remember who that is. But he's not dangerous. Just drunk.

"Hi..." he smiles sleazily at Banks. He's managed to slur the one syllable that just came out of his mouth.

Banks glances at Alex, bemused. Alex grins back. Go get some, Banks. Get some sleazy alcoholic Nic, right.

Nic smirks more. Isn't he cute?

Careful Nic, Banks has a leather jacketed short hair lesbian type in army boots to protect him. Another of Alex's bodyguards.

Nic sighs and drinks more vodka. No one one loves him.

"Nic," Alex tells him cheerfully, "this is Drew, Magenta, and Banks. Say hi"

They all say hi to the gross, skeezy alcoholic that nobody loves.

"Hi," says Nic. His name is Nic. He is an alcoholic.

He is married. He's a gonna be a daddy. His wife loves him but she's locked away and learning the piano.

Sadly his wife does not love their baby, or want it. This makes Nic sad too. And she's locked away. He's very sad about that. So he's going to be drunk and sleaze.

It's all a tragedy.

Alex tells all his bodyguards to order drinks. They're good bodyguards. They don't. Alex looks mildly disappointed in them. Party poopers.

Nic gives him a sympathetic look. These bodyguards are just no fun.

And enter the faerie hooker. He's not drunk yet. What a shame.

"Hi Nic!" He says.

Oh won't this go splendidly.

Nic grins. He loves Auriel! Because they're family and family takes care of each other. And as everyone knows, caring is sharing. Including sharing your cocaine. Maybe Auriel's got some. That would be nice.

"Hey Aurie," Nic says. "What are you drinking?"

Auriel's a fun person, unlike these bodyguards.

No. No. Sharing is caring.

"A Lizard Threesome," Auriel smiles and tells the bartender. Alex grins. Oh, it's Amely's cute little hooker brother. He has a good taste in drinks.