Four months, two weeks and three days to the day since she found out about Erik being ‘dead’. The news had taken quite a toll on her ever since. Callie was not the creature she once was. Or perhaps she was, even more so than she was before she ran into Charlie that day in the park and then spending those few precious times with Erik that she had. The memories still vivid in her mind. She’s wanted them to leave though; to leave her alone and try and move one. But it’s so hard. So hard to put something so good in her life down the drain and in the back of her mind like that. Those few weeks were probably going to be the happiest time in her life. Or at least it seemed like she could never feel a happy moment ever again.
Her form was nothing that it used to be. She has lost the muscular form her arms once had from swimming so much. Her skin grown pale from not wanting to leave the darkness of Erik’s old room in Cecily’s house. Eyes were slightly sunk in from lack of sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she saw him and the happy times they had or the painful and agonizing memories of her passed with her mother. Overall her body was thinner than it should be, spine starting to show through the skin even more than it used to. One could say she’d fallen to the state that Erik had been in before he started eating. The girl rarely ate, letting her stomach go hungry. It was her way of punishing herself for all the wrongs that she had done. First disobeying her mother, hurting her and then not even getting to say she was sorry. For getting caught off guard that day with the teenager that changed her life forever. If only she hadn’t gone in the alley way that day. Perhaps things would be different. Perhaps she would be with Erik right now, holding him, taking in his scent to forever engrain the smell in her mind. But it wasn’t going to be and there was nothing she could do about it. He was gone and was never coming back.
She wondered if this was what he really felt like when she found him attempting suicide by jumping off the edge of the cliff. Was it really what he felt? Completely emptiness and a sense of hopeless. Like nothing was ever going to go right again in her life? In fact Callie had even cut on herself a few times to see what it was that made Erik want to do so. But it had never been in such a bad shape as he had done it. Just a few on her the back of her forearms. It had hurt, but not nearly as much as the emotional pain she felt within her at the time. That one time was the only time she had hurt herself, but the idea still never left her mind. The cuts were now nothing but scars on her arms. Just a few more to add to the ones she already had from her mother.
It was a week ago that she had told Cecily she was moving out of her house. She couldn’t stand living there anymore, laying in that bed forever. It hurt too much anymore. No. She had to get away from the memories that she had connected with him. Leaving Cecily’s had been hard and overwhelming at first. She hadn’t been for sure where she would go. All she knew was that she couldn’t stay there. Callie had thought about going to Charlie’s once again, but in the end something seemed to drive her away from there as well. Perhaps the fact that she would have to travel through the city to get there had some say in the matter. She’d been afraid to go back since the last run in with the man that hurt her. Not only had she been caught off guard once, but twice. It was more than enough to deter her from going back in the direction of the city for some time. And she still wouldn’t.
Her mind had finally settled on heading back to her old house, to where she used to live with her mother. It was the only place she could think of that didn’t involve a route that went through the city. She could travel along the shoreline from Cecily’s house all the way to the forest and then to the house one mile inwards out of sight with no city interaction and most likely no human interaction as well. The girl’s body shook the entire way back, afraid that something would go wrong with her first time out since coming home from the hospital. Home. Such a strange word to say. Did she really have a place that she could consider home? All of them had devastating memories. Perhaps that was what home was considered though. A place of sadness. At least it was for her.
Reaching the small old cabin she opened the door to find dust collecting heavily on everything. She hadn’t been able to come back and take care of it the past four months. It had been hard for her to do anything the past four months in fact, even eat; even want to live. She headed straight for her bedroom. The door creaked open revealing yet more dust; spiders handing from cobwebs in the corners.
”Home sweet home.” She uttered with a sigh. Callie never really understood that phrase. Home never seemed ‘sweet’ in her opinion. Collapsing on the bed, dust flew in the air. She coughed to get out some that she inhaled. After several minutes she finally huddled up in a ball, arms grasping her legs and head pointing towards her knees. Exhaustion from the walk made her succumb to sleep rather quickly. Funny. She didn’t remember thinking the walk was so tiring before. But of course she had been in better shape when she made the long trek in the past. In the state she was in it was a surprise she didn’t stop and rest for a while before continuing all the way to the cabin. But that’s what being afraid can do to one person. Too afraid to stop, thinking that somebody that might want to hurt her would show up out of nowhere even with the entire journey void of all human life.
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She’s been living there for only two days now. It seemed like an eternity. Every day did in fact. But it hadn’t been. Only forty eight hours had passed. Such agonizingly slow time. The good thing was that she had eaten something finally. The garden was something that could keep her mind off of things. Taking care of it again would hopefully do her some good. It had been in bad shape when she found it so she was in the process of getting it up once more. The apple tree was doing well however. So that’s what she had been eating; apples.
Being in such an unhealthy state was making her tire out quickly though from all the work. She’d have to clean the house for at most thirty minutes and then take a nap. Then she’d get up and do it all again. It was hard to not sleep anymore. Now it seemed like in the passed two days she’d slept enough to make up for the past two weeks at least.
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Another three days went by horribly slow. She’d finally gotten everything cleaned up though in the house. So she was sitting on the edge of the forest today away from the house. Fresh air was needed desperately for the Siren. It would do her some good and away from the city she felt more comfortable being outside. She was sitting down underneath a large tree and leaning against it, basking in the shade on the bright sunny day. Blonde hair had lost all the highlights she once had. It had grown quite a lot as well, now ending four inches below her shoulders. The few people that knew her would probably not even recognize her should they pass by on the small dirt road that went by ‘her’ woods.
Even though it was hot out she still did not fail in making sure she was mostly dressed. She had a white t-shirt on and jeans to cover her pale legs. Legs were brought back to her chest and arms wrapped around them. Her chin rested on the top of her knees gently as she looked in the direction of the city. The noises of the city didn’t reach her this far out. It was a good thing. But even looking at the outline of the large city gave her shivers up her protruding spine.
She remained sitting there even with the sun setting soon. It just felt really good for some reason. The slight breeze blowing the hair out of her face and showing empty hazel eyes that looked they could cry at any moment. But she hadn’t been the passed couple days; they just always looked like they were going to start shedding tears at any moment.
And so the Siren sat there, eyes drooping open and shut every now and again with the breeze lulling her into a false sense of relaxation and security. Birds chirping in a nearby tree and the chatter of squirrels climbing about in the tree above her. The noises seemed to throw her into a sort of therapy with any bad thoughts driven away and leaving her mind blank as she sat there.
