((Sorry it's ended up being so very long. This is what happens when one works on a post for a week for a charrie that they've not posted for such a terribly long time O.o))

Anger. No. Beyond anger. Rage. Yes. An uncontrollable rage was the state she was in. The beast within was not helping in any way. She could feel it. Yes she could. It was strong right now. The full moon wasn’t even near. Yet the beast within raged on. There seemed to be no stopping that raging animal. Nor did she even begin to try. What could possibly have happened to put her into such a state of mind? Was it really a state of mind? No. Not really. If one was not aware of the beast that dwelled within her, they would surely think of it as a state of mind. One would almost be able to say that she’d lost her mind. However, that was not the case. Something had indeed happened to cause her to be in such a state. Something had happened that was bad enough to cause the beast within to rage so uncontrollably that it was starting to emerge without it even having to be a full moon. This was, of course, the first time that this had ever happened to her. And she didn’t even try to stop it. It was like she didn’t /want/ to stop it. And she didn’t. Not really. Not right now.

~~~ Recount of what happened to lead up to this moment in time ~~~

It had been quite some time that had passed since she had left Pierce and Dagger’s apartment. She hadn’t really wanted to leave either of them but she had felt at that time that the two of them needed some father-son time without her being in the way. Yes. She really did feel like she had been in the way. Why? She didn’t know. Pierce had wanted her there. Dagger had wanted her there. They had both let her know that. Still, she couldn’t help but feel like she’d been in the way of them having their father-son time. And so it had been so. She’d left the apartment while they had been gone to work. She’d written a note and left it on the table saying that she had to go for a while but that she would see them again later. She had not stated when later was though for she didn’t even know that herself.

A couple of months had passed uneventful. During the full moons, she had managed to find someway to lock herself away from the world until it was safe again. She had been set on making sure that she didn’t hurt anyone when the beast came out. She didn’t /want/ to hurt anyone during that time. It had worked too. She would probably never tell anyone where she had hidden and locked herself away during the full moons. She wanted to keep it a secret so that no one would ever find her during that time. The beast was not happy in the least with the situation but it hadn’t been able to get out of where it had been locked away. It hadn’t been able to harm a single living person. She had made sure to have a few small critters locked in the area with her for the beast to kill and satisfy its hunger for that time. Wild rabbits mostly. Nothing fancy. In her mind, the beast didn’t deserve anything more than that. At least it wouldn’t be able to harm anyone.

This situation had worked quite well for several months. At least she thought it worked well. In between full moons, she had made it a point to avoid all the places that she thought she might run into Pierce and Dagger. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to see them. No. That wasn’t the case at all. She had felt bad for having up and left like she did. She wanted to see them both so bad. She missed Dagger’s smiling little face and happy go lucky self. She missed being near Pierce. His touch. His voice. Everything about him she missed. A lot. More than she would ever openly admit to anyone else. To be completely honest, part of the reason she had up and left while they had not been home was that she had started to develop feelings for Pierce. Feelings that made her feel scared and vulnerable. Those feelings had started to develop after the ‘special’ moment they shared. She’d been scared to even let on about those feelings. Scared of what his reaction would have been. Scared of what Dagger’s reaction would have been.

And so it was. For several months, Ylva had kept entirely to herself and went on with her daily life. They were always a thought in her mind. She felt empty and alone without them in her life. Maybe that’s why what happened had been able to happen as it had. Perhaps it was a mistake on her part. A mistake for having not seen it coming. A mistake for being so wrapped up in thoughts of how Pierce and Dagger had been doing that she hadn’t been able to pay attention to the things going on around her. Maybe if she had been paying attention to the things going on around her, she just might have been able to prevent it from happening. Maybe she’d have been able to notice the person that seemed to be every where she went as she went on with her daily life. Maybe she’d have been able to realize that she had a stalker on her tail. [No pun intended.]

Yes. There was a stalker that had been stalking her for about two months now. He always lost track of her during the full moon so was not aware of what she really was. Perhaps it was a good thing. No. Try it was a very bad thing. A bad thing for him. She had rented a single room in a boarding house. He knew which room was hers. He knew her entire schedule from the moment she woke to the moment she went to bed. The only thing he didn’t know was where she went for three days out of the month. That didn’t matter much to him though. Not at all. He was still able to follow her every waking moment beyond those three days out of the month.

By now it was half way through the third month of him stalking her. It was still two weeks until the next full moon. It was then that he finally decided to carry out his plan that he had been working on since the moment he picked her out of many to stalk. She had just gotten off of work. She had taken a job as a maid at a very busy nursing home. Yes. It was quite the busy place. Lots of old people. She felt as though it was the least she could do. Help others. Why she had decided on old people to help she wasn’t sure. It just felt like the right thing to do. She even actually enjoyed her job. Oh yes indeed. She enjoyed sitting with several of the old folks that lived in the nursing home. Most of them were those who had been put in there by other family members and then those family members never came to visit them. They would tell her stories of things they had done in their lives. Yes. She enjoyed her job.

Anyway, back to the point of this ever growing post. Ylva had been working late on this night. It was almost nearly midnight when she had finally managed to get out the building. She began walking towards ‘home’ which was close to 12 city blocks away. She kept getting the feeling that she was being followed but every time she turned around to see, there was no one there. Ah well. She started to ignore the feeling after about four blocks. What a stupid mistake that would end up being. She had walked eight blocks total thus far. By now she had completely ignored the feeling of being followed. She was on her way past an empty alley way when she was suddenly grabbed from behind and yanked into the dark alley.

She hadn’t even had a chance to scream before a large hand covered her face and she was slammed against the brick wall. Oh damn. That hurt like hell. He’d caused her to hit her head against it so hard that she started to go limp right there. It hadn’t knocked her out entirely. Just enough to cause her to be near passing out. He didn’t want her to be entirely knocked out. He just wanted her to be out of it enough that she wouldn’t be able to scream or put up a fight. He got what he was wanting unfortunately. But was it unfortunately for him or for her? At the moment it was unfortunately for her.

The large man easily ripped her clothes off of her. He stood towering over her for a few moments just staring at her nakedness. He could feel himself growing in his pants. After a few moments, the man undid his pants and lowered himself to her. He was wearing some sort of mask over his face so she couldn’t see it. However, she was able to take in his scent thanks to the beast inside of her. The whole process of him raping her took over an hour. During that time, he had slammed her head against the ground that she was lying on just to keep her pretty much on the edge of being knocked out. When he was finally done, he got off of her, stood up, did his pants back up and left. He just left her lying there with her clothing torn. As far as he was concerned, he was done with her. No more stalking her either.

Two hours had passed since she’d been raped and left in the alley with her clothes ripped. When she finally began to move, the pain in her head was horrible. However, it was nothing compared to the pain that she was feeling in her female region. She got up with a groan and gathered up her ripped clothing. She tried to cover herself as best as she could and began to hurry the rest of the way to her rented room at the boarding house. Upon reaching ‘home’, she dashed inside, locked the door and went right for the shower. She stayed in the shower until the water was no longer running hot. She tried so hard to just wash away any traces of what had happened to her. Yes she should have reported the attack and rape but she never did. That was when the beast within her first began to rage and try to force its way out without there even being a full moon. She had some how managed to keep it under control.

~~~ Skipping forward two months from the day she was raped ~~~

Ylva woke up from a restless sleep. She felt... weird... sick in a sense. Out of bed she leapt and ran to the bathroom where she proceeded to puke her empty stomach out into the toilet. What the hell? She never got sick like this. She called into work to tell them that she was sick and wouldn’t be going in cause she was taking herself to the Quick Care clinic. She hated going to the doctors office but felt that she didn’t have any choice. She was obviously sick if she was puking like this. Her boss told her it would be ok and that she hoped Ylva was feeling better soon. Ylva told her thanks and hung up. She got dressed and headed out the door. The Quick Care clinic was only two blocks away from where she was staying at the boarding house.

“Can I help you?” asked the woman behind the counter.

“I need to see the doctor. I’m sick and I never get sick.”

“Fill out these forms and someone will get to you as quickly as they can.”

Ylva frowned but took the forms and went to sit down. It took her about fifteen minutes to fill out all the stupid forms. “Here. I’m finished.”

“Thank you. Please have a seat and someone will be with you as quickly as they can.”

She didn’t have any choice but to go and sit down to wait. She picked a spot that was pretty much putting her away from any strange males that happened to be there. After she was raped, she tried as hard as she could to avoid nearly all males. If she didn’t, she would go into such a state of panic it’s not even funny. She sat there in the waiting lobby for a good twenty to twenty five minutes before her name was finally called.

“Ylva Farkas,” called the nurse at the door leading into the back. Ylva got up and followed the nurse. The nurse took her into Room #2 and had Ylva get up on the table so that the nurse could take her temperature and blood pressure. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I’m sick.” Duh.

“Yes. Can you please tell me the symptom’s you are having?”

“I’m throwing up. I never throw up.”

“When did this start?”

“This morning. I’ve not really been feeling myself the past few days but it wasn’t until this morning that I began to throw up.”

“Ok. The doctor will be with you in a few moments.”

Great. More waiting. Ylva was getting quite tired of having to sit around and wait. She just wanted to know why she was throwing up and such. There obviously had to be a reason since she had stated that she never threw up. Thankfully she didn’t have long to wait for the doctor to show up.

“Hello Miss Farkas. I’m Dr. Khans. What seems to be the problem today?”

Ylva couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his question. She had seen the nurse write down what Ylva had told her. “I’m throwing up. It just started this morning. I’ve not been feeling myself for the past few days.”

The doctor nodded his head a few times before moving over towards her to listen to her heart. “Take a couple of deep breaths for me.” She did so. “Good. Good.” He scribbled a few things down on her chart before turning to her with a cup in hand. “We need to get a urine sample.” Good thing too. Ylva had to piss like a racehorse. She took the cup from him and followed the nurse to the bathroom where she proceeded to piss in the cup and set it in the little box thing that the nurse had told her to. She then went back to the room to sit and wait some more.

Twenty minutes passed before the doctor finally showed back up in the room. “Congratulations. You’re pregnant. That would explain the vomiting and such.” The look on Ylva’s face must have shown her shock and horror about the news. “Miss Farkas? Are you ok?”

“No. This isn’t right. I can’t be.”

“Yes ma’am. The results are correct. I’m assuming this was not something you planned?”

She shook her head violently. “That is an understatement.” She fell silent for a few moments. She could feel the beast inside of her raging even more than it had the night she had been raped. “I was raped. I can’t do this. I can’t be pregnant.”

The doctor sat on the chair just watching her. “You were raped? Did you report it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“What good would it have done? I wouldn’t have been able to tell them anything because the man hit my head against the brick wall. He was wearing a mask so I couldn’t see his face. Please. Make this... thing... no longer be in me.”

The doctor nodded his head. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room and was gone for about five minutes before he returned with a card in his hand. He held it out for Ylva to take, which she did. “Call that doctor. She’ll be able to help you.”

“Thank you.”

“Good luck.”

Ylva left the room, paid her bill at the front desk and went outside. She headed right for a payphone. Ring. Ring. Ring. “Dr. Iyes’ office. How may I help you?”

“I was given this number to call because I have a problem that I need taken care of like yesterday.”

“Would you like to set up an appointment?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Name?”

“Ylva Farkas. And please, the sooner the better.”

Three days later, Ylva went into Dr. Iyes’ office and had an abortion. Later that night, the beast began to rage even more. It was becoming very hard for her to control it. With her being weak like she was at the moment, the beast managed to make its way out a little bit. However, she managed to control it just a little.

~~~ Back to the current events ~~~

The beast had reared it’s ugly head. Because of the state of rage that it was in, it didn’t change into a full fledge wolf as it usually did. No. This time it turned into a hideous monster that walked on two legs. The beast seemed to be bigger than usual. Didn’t matter though. Ylva had given up on trying to keep it locked away. It was strange though because the full moon wasn’t for another week and a half. That was ok though. A big part of her didn’t even want to try to control it. It was in the middle of the night when the beast pushed its way out of Ylva and took over. Down many streets the beast ran through the shadows following the scent of the one who had caused harm to its host.

The beast had managed to find the man stalking another poor unsuspecting woman. The man was in for a huge surprise. The beast leapt out of the shadows and knocked him to the ground. The beast dragged the man through the shadows of the city and out away from civilization to the banks of the river. Oh yes. The beast was going to enjoy this to the fullest. Once the beast reached where it had already picked out for this ‘event’ to take place, she dropped the man to the ground making sure to cause him to hit his head on a rock. He had opened his mouth to begin to scream when the beast slammed a hand down on his throat and the other into his chest thus knocking the wind out of him. Saliva was dripping from her jowls as she snarled in his face.

Sharp claws raked down his clothing and shredded it entirely. So much so that his clothing just slid off of him. Upper lip curled up and she hovered over him snarling and growling in his face. Oh yes. This would be fun indeed. Ever so slowly, the beast began to run her sharp front claws down the mans chest. Blood formed in her claws wake. The mans eyes widened in horror as her clawed hand reached his groin. Wicked grin came over her face as she suddenly reached down to grab him where it would hurt the most. She didn’t stop at that. Oh no indeed. This asshole was to suffer in the worst possible ways. Using both clawed hands, she ripped his ‘family jewels’ right off of his body. He began to scream and the beast merely hovered there beside him with a wicked grin on her face. Saliva pooling at her feet.

So that is where this leaves us now. Ylva in werewolf form hovering beside the screaming and bleeding man that had caused harm to her human form.

Come now Ylva. You know Pierce takes Dagger to the beach and to the Lacroix river to play in the water. What on earth has gotten into you? Oh yes, your beast. No one blames you then.

Pierce and Dagger were trying to escape the summer-time heat that was rushing in with their broken Air conditioner. The appartment became an oven when the sun rose and remained a furnace of heat until the sun set. Darkness brought a cool wind through in the evening. But even when the sun sinks, the heat lingers for a while before finally sifting out of every room. So, as a treat at the end of the day, Pierce had packed Dagger into the car and they'd gon to the conservation. Already they've hiked deep back into the wooded areas along the bank of the river and Pierce has allowed Dagger to play with his shifting. He's been having fewer public incidents with Dagger shifting in front of Uninitate people.

Now that the sun was down completly, they were finally returning from their hike, which had taken the deeper then they'd meant to go or at least, further then Pierce had thought they'd gone. They were moving along at a fair enough pace, since Dagger was darting and running in and out of the shore of the river, the beam of his fisherprice flashlight bouncing off of trees, the ground, into the sky, in a very random pattern. Pierce was walking, but Dagger's darting run kept him moving with long strides. His own flashlight beam rested several steps ahead of him slicing a bright cirlce through the darkness.

They both were dressed terribly down in blue jean pants. Dagger in a white short sleeved shirt (white was messy on a child but all the more easy to find him in the darkness) Pierce in a fitted black tee shirt. His hair shoulder length and dark brown today, and since it wasn't some outlandish color, probably was his natural hair. It was pulled into a ponytail. Dagger's matched. Their bi-colored eyes matched. It was no doubt they were father and son. Pierce wore none of his rings in his ears or eyebrows, which meant he'd shifted so that the holes didn't appear.

They were nearly directly on them before the man screamed. See, as a wolf or a tiger, or any form of animal really, Pierce has sensitive hearing and sight. But as a human, his senses are as dull as one. Dagger let out a silent scream and stopped abruptly in his path.

Pierce stopped and turned off his flashlight, motioning for Dagger to do the same. Instead, the boy's light ran very slowly across the ground and eventually highlighted the great white beast, the man...the blood. He's old enough to register this is an attack, the blood...Thank god he's to young to understand what that wolf was holding. But Pierce understood. He nearly chocked on his own vomit before swallowing it and crossing very quickly to Dagger. He stood in front of him, blocking the veiw.

See, Pierce has already begun changing, his face stretching, bones shifting and snapping, reforming. A muzzle is already in place and he can smell, scent, knows that Wolf's scent.

He reached down with fingers that were shifting to claws already and turned off Dagger's flashlight. "Close your eyes Dagger. Don't open them." And he's walking towards the mess. "Don't open them no matter what, not until I tell you." The last had trailed off to a growl as his vocals changed and he could no longer speak as a human. Had Ylva's beast lost control?

He stopped only a few feet away and rumbled a soft growl. Stop this madness

Of course Ylva, in human form, knew the places that Pierce took Dagger to play. However, the beast did not. Nor did the beast care. All the beast cared about right this minute was making this fucker suffer worse than he’d made his ‘host’ suffer. What this fucker had done to its human form was not forgivable nor forgettable. Ylva didn’t even try to fight the beast when it had forced its way out of her in such a state of rage. She wanted the man to suffer almost as bad as the beast did. Perhaps that was why the beast had been able to force its way out so easily even though it wasn’t even close yet to being a full moon.

The beast had heard two sets of footsteps moving through the brush but it didn’t care. It was too focused on making this fucker suffer to give a damn about anything else. The beast had been hovering over the screaming man holding his ‘family jewels’ over his face and letting the blood drip down the fuckers face. Deep growl escaped from the beast as light suddenly flashed upon its obvious female form. The beast had not transformed entirely into a wolf form. It wouldn’t have been able to do what it wanted in that sort of form. So instead, it had taken on the sort of ‘typical horror movie’ form so that it could actually use it’s ‘hands’ to accomplish what it wanted.

Its mouth dripped with saliva as it crouched in place beside the screaming fucker. The moment the light shown on it, it let out a horrible sounding growl. Jaws parted even further as it roared loudly at the two that had dared venture near. The mans bits were still clenched in its furry and clawed hand. A sort of popping noise would be heard as the beast squeezed them harder out of anger at being interrupted. Fuck it! The beast was not about to stop what it had already started just because two fools happened to show up out of no where.

Furry, clawed hand reached down and yanked the fuckers mouth open harshly. Another popping sound would be heard as the beast obviously yanked quite a bit too hard and thus caused the mans jaw bones to pop out of socket. The fucker continued to scream. That would quickly turn into a muffled sound as the beast shoved what it was holding as far back into his mouth as it could. Oh yes. Choke on that you sick son of a bitch! Many more torturing thoughts were racing through the beasts mind when a single word drifted through the air and caused its perked ears to twitch. Dagger.

No! This couldn’t be happening! Yes. That means that Ylva is now fully aware of what’s going on even though she’s trapped on the inside and the beast is on the outside. Ylva began to struggle from the inside to get the beast to let her out again. No! It’s not ready to go back in! It’s not done with this sick fucker that caused harm to its human ‘host’! No Ylva! You can’t come out! Just stay put! It’s not done! What a struggle that was going on from the inside at the moment. A struggle that no one would even begin to imagine for no one would ever be able to see it.

Another roar escaped from the beast as another beast came near and growled at her. Saliva would fly every which way as it roared. No! Go away! This fucker must suffer in the most horrible of ways! The beast was beyond furious now. But Ylva was fighting it. God dammit! One more angry roar escaped from the beast as it suddenly swiped its head down towards the neck of the still screaming fucker. Sharp teeth sank deep into the mans throat and the beast began to shake the man violently from the neck. A snapping sound would be heard as the beast broke the mans neck. It didn’t loosen its hold as it yanked its head upwards again. The action caused half the mans neck to be ripped along with the beasts jaws. The chunk of throat hung from the beasts jaws for a moment before it spit the gross shit to the ground.

Let me out! Ylva screamed from the inside. The beast suddenly sprang and ran directly towards Pierce. It roared right in his face. Blood and saliva flying every which way. Its eyes ventured past him and landed upon the child. Dagger. No! Stop this! Not in front of Dagger! Seeing Dagger was what gave her the strength to finally be able to force her way out and force the beast back inside. She had never ever wanted Dagger to see her like this. Not ever. Dammit.

As her body began to transform from beast to human, Ylva’s legs buckled under her and she crumbled to the ground. The transforming back to human form took her a whole ten minutes at the most because the beast was still trying to put up a fight to not have to go back inside. Ylva won the struggle and was soon a heap on the ground. She was breathing heavy. Head lifted ever so slightly. Eyes drifted right past Pierce and fell upon Dagger once more. Human eyes this time though. Tears began to form in her eyes as she dropped her head entirely to the ground. Her body began to shake with sobs as she realized that Dagger had probably seen her in a way she never wanted him to see.

“I... I...” she couldn’t even get anything more than that out as the sobbing completely took over and her naked body just lay there in a heap and shook.

Pierce rushed towards her but stopped the moment jaws locked around the man's throat. There is no stopping an animal, no matter what sort, and no matter what sort of humanity was inside it, once it had gone for the throat or the stomach. He as a beast knew that and he as a man knew that. His eyes, blue and green, remained very human through the process, and sad. So much saddness while he watched the human life get taken from that man.

He held his ground as the wolf-woman rushed him and growled, snarled into his face. He was a much larger then her, in human form, wolf form, and even as a half-wolf. He had all the skill she would. And when a pair are evenly matched, more often then not, the larger of the two will win with it's advantages. Not that Pierce would ever fight her, subdue her yes, but never fight her. Unless, of course, to protect his son, who happen only to come to mid-thigh on Pierce. So small and innocent.

Blood and siliva spattered across the black fur, leaving thick, wet spots in the fur, matting it and clumping it togather. As it sprayed Dagger, he flinched back a little and squeezed his eyes closed tighter. Not once had he disobeyed his father, not once had he squinted open one eye to take a peek. Such an obediant child, and so calm. He stood there, mid-calf deep in water, in a dark forest with a wolf attacking a man, and not one ounce of fear tred his body. Not while his father was near.

As Ylva changed forms slowly and collapsed at his feet, he stepped around her to the dead man. As disgusting as he found it, as a wolf or as a human, or as a shifter in general, he scooped the man's genitles from his mouth and deposted them on the ground. He rolled him over onto his stomach so that it appeared only that a man lay face down, without a wound showing.

As Ylva was human once more, and stuttering, he wipped most of the blood from his hands to his torn jeans, torn from his changing. He shifted, quicker, smoother then her, back to himself and ignored the blood and saliva that was splattered over him and returned to the form on the ground. "Keep your eyes shut baby." Dagger nodded, without peeking. Pierce knelt down in front of Ylva, scooped her up under her arms to lift her half up and look at her.

"Don't talk about this," he sounds almost angry, not at her. At the kill, and at the beast. But mostly at the manner of the kill. "We'll talk later. Stand up." He stood, pulling her up with him and waiting for her to stand on her own.

She heard him step around her but didn’t lift her head. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. It wasn’t that she was ashamed for having let the beast gain control. No. That wasn’t it at all. It was the fact that Dagger was there that was causing her to be the most upset. She loved that little boy almost as much as if he were her own child. She had never ever wanted him to see her in any way except for human form. Never did she want for him to see the horrible beast that resided within her. She was... ashamed... at the thought of him seeing her like that. She didn’t know if he had seen her or how much of her he had seen while she was in that state. It still upset her all the same.

She barely heard Pierce saying something to his son through her sobbing. She felt herself being lifted and offered not an ounce of resistance. She wouldn’t have been able to at the moment anyway. The shifting always left her feeling so terribly drained. No sound other than her sobbing escaped from her as she nodded her head ever so slightly at his angry sounding words. She tried to stand up. She really did. However, her legs felt like jell-o and her knees began to buckle under her again. She tried to catch her balance and ended up stumbling into Pierce. Dainty hands came out in an attempt to catch herself so she didn’t fall.

It took her a few minutes to be able to stand at all on wobbly legs. It finally hit her that she was standing there totally naked. Her clothing wouldn’t be anywhere to be found because the beast had come out while she had still been deep in the city. So yeah, Ylva just stood there, shaking, in all her naked glory. She kept her gaze on the ground. She was feeling far too ashamed to look up at all. For now, she just stood there. Waiting.

He frowned when she couldn't stand, forgetting himself as he'd expected her to stand. If she could fight the beast, she should be able to stand. But he, with all his senses around him, had really known that she'd never have strength after such a fight. He let her go the moment she had any balance at all and reached over his shoulder, pulling the shirt over his head. His own transformation was controled in all aspects, size, speed, everything because it was a shift, not a transformation, and so his shirt sported very few, minimul rips and tears. His pants were tattered from knees down with two splits running verticle on the thigh.

He pulled the shirt down over her head for her, pulling her hair free from it and then tucking her arms and pulling them through the sleeves, as if her were dressing a child. The shirt would just hardly cover her butt. But it was worth at least something. He walked across the area and into the water with loud steps, a lot of splashing to let Dagger know he was moving.

"Still keep your eyes closed baby, your doing very good."

He picked Dagger up and swung him onto his hip, then splashed out of the river and wrapped an arm around Ylva's waist to help support her. He started walking, Dagger sat patiantly, legs wrapped around Pierce's waist, Arms around his neck, his eyes squeezed shut. The car wasn't parked far outside the tree line.

Again, she offered no objections to what Pierce was doing as he dressed her in his shirt. She was too tired to put up any sort of objection at all. Besides, he was much bigger than her. What good would it do? It would probably just upset him further and right now she really didn't need or want that. She stayed standing where she was as he went and gathered up Dagger.

She began to move forward the moment she felt Pierce's arm around her waist. Her knees kept threatening to buckle under her but she tried her hardest to not let it happen.

He continued to walk at a slower pace then before, not because their weight effected him but because he feared that at any faster of a pace and she would collapse. He didn't need to have to carry her. He needed to carry Dagger. He didn't want Dagger to walk because that meant opening his eyes and right now, he did not want his son to see Ylva, he didn't want him to make a connection to what had happened with Ylva.

Finally they cleared the woods and he set Dagger down on the hood of the Nova. Old, classic beauty that it was, he'd finally given in to buying a car. He opened the passenger door and the back passenger door at the same time while Dagger sat patiently with his eyes closed.

He helped Ylva inside the car (hope that's alright) and then picked Dagger up and put him into the half-car seat. The booster seat? He strapped him in, he'd gotten bloody handprints on the butt of Dagger's pants. Then he went around the car, his pale skin and mismatched eyes gleaming in the moonlight, and slid into the driver seat, started the engine, and drove in the direction of his apartment. Speaking over his shoulder he said softly:

"Why don't you go to sleep, Dag. It's past bedtime." The boy nodded, kept his eyes closed.

By the time they arrived at the appartment building, Dagger still hadn't gone to sleep and Pierce got him out of the seat and offered a hand of help to Ylva.

She appreciated Pierce walking at a slower pace. She'd been afraid that she her legs would give out from under her if she had to keep trying to walk any faster than a near crawl. It seemed, in her mind, to take forever to get away from the scene and to a car. At the moment it wouldn't even register in her mind that Pierce hadn't had a car before. It probably wouldn't register in her messed up mind for a while.

No resistance was given as he helped her into the car. She seemed much more zombie like this time than when she went through the whole full moon thing. Of course she would. She'd never had to fight from the inside to get out. The beast had never come out at any other time except for a full moon. Not a sound came from her the entire way to Pierce's apartment. She didn't dare even open her mouth for worry of what might come out. Dagger was in the car. She didn't want to say anything wrong in front of him. She just wanted to crawl under a rock and die right now as it was.

She had let her eyes drift shut with her head resting against the back of the seat she was sitting in. They opened suddenly as the car stopped. She looked up at Pierce with glazed eyes as he held his hand out to her to help her out of the car. In a mechanical sort of way, she lifted her hand to take his. She then slid out of the car and stood there like a dork waiting.

Pierce helped her up the stairs and into his appartment. He put Dagger down on the floor in the hall and the boy stood there silently, eyes closed, just standing. Pierce lead Ylva by the hand into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. He then walked into his bedroom and found a pair of boxers and a white teeshirt and gave it to Ylva.

"Take a shower. Then wait in the living room."

No sleep for her after the shower, even if she was able to. He closed the door and picked Dagger up, taking him to the bedroom to do damage control. Dagger hadn't seen much, only a little. And he still had only heard Ylva once, and he couldn't be sure that it had been her since she'd only said one little word. Changing Dagger and 'talking' to him about it took a while, it was just a little hard to get him to wind down. Finally, Pierce held his son until he slept and then lay him in his bed and returned to the living room.

"Ylva?" His voice was low, worried now rather then angry.

Transforming from werewolf to human had always been tough on Ylva, but this time it seemed all the more worse on her. By the time they reached the apartment and Pierce led her inside, her eyes were nearly entirely glazed over. Why? Who knows. This whole situation over the last couple of months had been almost more than she could bear.

In an almost mechanical fashion, Ylva let herself be guided into the bathroom. She actually blinked finally as she stared at the clothing Pierce had handed to her. She didn't nod or anything as he left the bathroom after telling her to shower. She stood there for several minutes just staring at the running water before she suddenly dropped the clean clothes on the ground and climbed into the shower. Pierce's shirt was still on her as her legs gave out from under her and she slid to the bottom of the tub.

Shaking hand reached out and turned off some of the cold water so that it was more hot water beating down on her than just warm. She brought her knees up tightly to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. That was when her crying began again. How long had she stayed like that? Long enough to faintly hear her name being spoken in the living room. But she couldn't move. She couldn't stop crying. The water was beating down on her still wearing Pierce's shirt. It was hot. The mirror in the bathroom (if there is one) would be totally fogged over by now. The entire bathroom would be filling with the steam from the hot water. She didn't care. It was causing her skin that was being hit with the water to turn such a terribly bright red. She didn't care.

Pierce didn't find her in the living room and he could faintly hear the water running still in the bathroom. He could easily guess now what was going on and he silently closed Dagger's bedroom door before opening the bathroom door and entering the wall of steam that met him. He didn't knock, didn't request entering.

Kneeling beside the bathtub, Pierce reached in and turned the hot water off entirly, letting the tempreture slowly fade from boiling to warm and then to cold. While he let the cold water run over her he went and retreived a towl and came back. He pealed his shirt off of her and used soap to begin cleaning away the sticky liquid left by a change from human to werewolf as well as blood off of her body.

He touched her with gentle hands that were very different caresses and touches as he'd used with her before. Finally he turns enough hot water back on to make the water warm and rinse her body, then takes her hands and scratches the soap with her fingernails. He begins to pick the soap out from under them with his own, the soap taking blood and grim from under the nail with it.

"Ylva. Dagger doesn't know. He didn't understand what happened at all." Meaning, the child hadn't made a connection between Ylva and the werewolf. "I don't understand it all," he mentioned. "Tell me what happened?" It was a gentle question, spoken in the soft, reserved voice he uses for Dagger when the child is frightened.

She heard the bathroom door open. She didn’t move. She watched a hand reach in and turn off the hot water. Still she didn’t move. She just stay put, with her knees pulled tightly against her chest, crying. How could it be possible for one to cry so much in the course of time that she had done so? It wasn’t just tonight either. It had been nearly every single night since she had been attacked. Tonight’s events merely brought it /all/ flooding back to her again even though she had tried so hard to just push it all from her mind.

She paid no attention really to Pierce as he came and went and came back again. It wasn’t until he reached for the soaked shirt that was clinging to her that any sort of reaction came from her. It wouldn’t be the type of reaction he’d have been expecting either. Not from the Ylva he knew. Panic had filled her eyes the moment he touched the shirt that was clinging to her. She began to try to scramble away from him in an ever growing state of panic. Her throat felt tight. Her chest felt tight. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears.

“No!” she cried out suddenly. “No! Don’t! Don’t touch me!” Her words would have come out in screams if her throat hadn’t felt so terribly tight. Instead her words came out just barely above a whispered cry. “Don’t! Don’t hurt me!” Yep. Everything had come flooding back to her at that very moment in time. “Please!”

And then she stopped. Just stopped. Just like that. Why? Who knows. It was like she went back into that mechanical robotic state again. She just sat there in the tub while he cleaned her up. Her chin touching her chest. Her hair had fallen over her face. Silent tears rolled down her face. That man the beast had killed had obviously done a pretty damn good number on her. Unfortunately, Pierce wouldn’t know that it had been that man that had caused her to be like this right now. One would just put the blame entirely on the beast that had forced its way out of her and killed a man.

She heard him speaking to her. Whether she fully understood what he was saying was something not yet known. What happened? What happened? She lifted her head ever so slowly until she was looking him right in the eye. There was a vicious fire in her eyes and a venom in her voice that Pierce would never have heard or seen from her before in the time they had known each other. “He deserved every fucking thing that he got and then some,” she snarled out. Her voice was almost not her own but yet it was. She turned her head away from him and let her chin fall back to her chest again. Her tears had not once stopped flowing from her eyes through all of this.

When she'd screamed, he worried not about the other tenets of the building complaining, he could explain to them later and apologize that there had been a problem with his girlfriend that had upset her. They'd understand if he gave an excuse. What he'd worried about was Dagger awakeing. He'd paused for a moment, strained his ears to hear. Nothing. Then he'd continued to clean her up.

When he received the reply her did he almost choked. This wasn't his Ylva at all. He actually let go of her hands and stared at her. In his eyes were a mixture of emotions, a mixture of feelings. Saddness, confusion, disgust, hopelessness. This wasn't his Ylva. He stood up and stood back, one hand covering his mouth in thoughtfulness, staring down at her lowered head the entire time. His hand was wet, dripping down his cheeks, chest.

No man could deserve that. Not a cold hearted killing. Had Ylva spent too much time as a beast that it had begun to affect her personality? Had she just turned into this in the few months she'd been gone? She was a completly different person like this. His eyes hardened.

Dropping quietly back to his knees he took her face and turned it towards him. "You stop it." It was a demand, whispered to her above the water. "You stop this nonsense. This isn't you. This is not you talking, Ylva. This isn't like you. Talk to me. Don't half-ass answer me. I can't...." he swallowed. "I can't deal with that. I can't fix the problem if you don't tell me. I want to fix it."

He scooped her up under her arms and practically pulled her out of the tub, turning off the water and reaching for a towl to wrap around her body.

When she had screamed, she hadn’t been able to do so very loud. Not at all. Her cries had come out nothing more than a little above a whisper. Her throat had felt too tight for her to have been able to do anything more than that.

She closed her eyes when he removed his hands from her. She wanted nothing more than to just crawl away and die at that very moment in time. Maybe the pain that man had caused her would go away if that were to happen. Now let me tell you, Ylva has never been one who even ever thought about wanting to be dead even though she lived with a beast inside her. No matter what life had thrown her way, she forced herself to just go with it. But this... this was nearly just too much for her.

She flinched visibly the moment his hands touched her again. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block it all out. Yes. That’s what she needed to do. Just block everything out. It was the sound of his voice that made her open her eyes again. When she did, Pierce would be able to see the deep pain that shown brightly in them even through the tears that still had not yet stopped. Would they ever stop? Right now it didn’t seem like it.

She shook her head ever so slightly and tried to let her head drop again. Obviously she wouldn’t be able to since he was holding her face in his hands. “I... I.... can’t...” she managed to choke out as she broke out into sobs again. She squeezed her eyes shut once more to try to hide the pain. To just try to shut out everything. It wasn’t working. “You... you can’t... you can’t fix it... No one can...” Nothing more than a mere whisper.

She felt herself being lifted and her eyes shot open again. She started to struggle a little to try to cover herself and hide herself from him. Nope. This wasn’t the Ylva he knew. This wasn’t the same woman that had so readily given herself to him. Wait. What’s that on her back? Faint traces of where her back had been cut from the cement in the alley that the man had raped her on. She had always been one whose wounds healed slowly. Sure it had been three months but she hadn’t been able to reach the cuts on her back to be able to clean them properly.

He frowned when she struggled from him as he lifted her this time. Something inside him tightened, his throat, his chest. He nearly let go of her and would have except that he remembered she'd been having trouble standing. And that is the only thing that kept his grip on her while he wrapped a towl around her body and dried her. He didn't bother with the boxers and tee shirt he'd given her but instead, half carried her across the hall and lifted her on to the edge of his bed.

He wanted to hold her now, to take her into his arms and do nothing but hold her, kiss her, make her feel safe. But now that tightness in his chest wouldn't leave and he wanted her to hold him. But she didn't want him to touch her. The hurt reflected in his eyes as he pulled the blankets back for her and kissed her forhead. He took a pillow from the bed and gave her a weak smile.

"I'll be in the living room if you need anything." He turned to leave, half turned back. "We will talk about this in the morning. It needs discussed............" Frown. "I love you. Do you know I love you?"

She stopped struggling as he dried her and wrapped her in the towel. She started to raise a hand to hold onto his arm as he half carried her to his room. Part of her wanted to pull away from his touch. He was a male after all. But then there was that part of her that just wanted him to wrap his arms around her, hold her close and tell her that everything would be ok. But would it ever be ok? Would she ever really be ok?

She sat there on the edge of his bed and watched as he picked up one of the pillows before turning to head towards the bedroom door. She began to cry more as he spoke those three words to her. “Pierce?” she whimpered softly. “Please...” She paused. She knew what she wanted to say but was unsure of if she could really say it. Her head was swimming with a million things going on all at once. “Hold me...” She said it. The look in her eyes pleading with him to stay with her. Pleading with him to just hold her close and keep her safe.

Hold me. He shook his head but didn't leave.

"I can't. I don't want you scared of me. I can't have you scared of me." He would rather her lay in bed alone, angry or worried or whatever it was that she was feeling now then to have her scared of him. He would have her scared of anything at this moment, but if she feared him he would be unable to handle it. He could try to help her, he could handle her angry with him, attacking him, but not afraid of him.

"I want to. I just....can't. I can try to fix this, and I can try to make it better, and you can hate me....but..." He looked up into her eyes. She was pleading with him. "I know. Right now you want me to but...what happens when I do. Are you going to be afraid again? I can have you hate me, I can even have you leave me," like she had left him, "but I can't have you afraid of me. I love you. And if you were scared of me I'd die."

He dropped the pillow to the ground. "I'll stay in here tonight if you want me to." But not holding you because you might not really want that.

The words he spoke were not the words she had wanted to hear. She shook her head slightly. No. She wasn’t scared of /him/. She knew that Pierce would never hurt her the way that man had. She knew that Pierce would never do to her what that man had done. She knew now that she wasn’t going to be able to keep it from him. What had happened to her needed to be told to him. She had to get him to understand. She had to tell him.

“Pierce...” she began without lifting her gaze from the blanket on the bed. “Please. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone.” She fell silent again for a moment. She still couldn’t lift her gaze to meet his yet though. “I... No. You... you deserve to know. Yes. You deserve to know what’s happened. What happened that caused what happened tonight to happen.” Was she really up for this? Would she be able to keep the beast at bay if it were to become enraged again as she told the only person she trusted in her life what had happened to her? It was a risk she had to take.

She lowered her head to the pillow and pulled the blanket up tight towards her face. She curled up on her side and clung so tightly to the blanket that her knuckles began to turn white. The way she had placed her head, her hair was draped over her face and he wouldn’t be able to see that she had squeezed her eyes shut tightly. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was trying to figure out how to tell him. What to say.

Finally she just blurted it out before she could change her mind. “I was raped.” Yup. Right to the point. “He did it. That man. Two months ago. He raped me. Attacked me. In the middle of the night. I was on my way home. After work. He jumped me. Hit my head against the brick wall in an alley. Threw me to the ground. Tore my clothing. Raped me. Left me there.” She had to stop for the moment because she began to sob again.

Annd.....This hurt him more. This hurt him more then not knowing. She'd shuddered from his touch, struggled to get out of his arms, screamed under his hands. Associated him with that. He stood and stared at her for a moment, the rage building in him, makeing his body shake, then spilling out his eyes. For a moment, he forgot the man was already dead. Forgot that the beast had killed him.

His fists had formed tight balls and without having realized, already his fingers had become soemthing other then fingers. There was something very cat-like about them, leapord like. "I'll kill him."

You can't kill him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drain away all the rage that had suddenly bubbled through his system. He couldn't kill him so he began to look for somewhere else to place the blame. "I should have been there." Ah, himself. Good target. "God Ylva, I'm so sorry." His fingers have uncurlded from fists, though he still hasn't realized they're claws yet, but he doesn't reach to touch her. He doesn't want rejected, associated with that monster again.

She actually laughed slightly as he stated that he’d kill him. Why? Not because it was funny. Well in a way it sort of was. “You can’t. I... no... it... already did.” To be totally honest, it had been a combination of her and the beast that had killed the man. She hadn’t even tried to stop it from coming out like it had and hunting him down.

Her eyes opened and she lifted her head slightly as he began to blame himself. She shook her head then. “No. Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t try blaming yourself.” It wasn’t his fault. It was hers. It was hers for having left like she had in the first place. If only she hadn’t just up and left like she did. If only she would have just stuck around like she had really wanted to. If only. So many if only’s.

She dropped her head back onto the pillow and continued to cling to the blanket. There was more to what had happened to her. Oh yes. Indeed. “There’s more,” she finally admitted. “I went to the doctor a week ago cause I had been sick. I never get sick like I was. The doctor ran some tests. Had me pee in a cup.” She choked then and when she spoke again it would be pretty hard to hear what she was saying unless one were to move closer. “The test was positive.”

He clenched his teeth, the shadow at his jawline shifting as he set his jaw and closed his eyes. He was glad she'd said 'it' had killed him, not that 'she' had, or he would have corrected her, faught her on the point even. He'd have risked all her hate in the world if he could keep her from saying that sh'ed made the kill.

His fists balled tightly again, the claws at the end of his cat-like fingers biting into his skin. Don't blame yourself. He had to blame someone, if he'd, instead of whining and crying about her leaving them for so long, searched harder for her he may have found her before all of this happened. He may have been able to stop all of it. But he didn't say this outloud, he'd give her what she wanted and he would not tell her he still blamed himself because he needed someone to blame.

His mismatched eyes narrowed when he stepped closer, widened when he heard what she had to say. He felt a thick, untastful bile coat his mouth. She was pregnent? What made him angriest was not that the pregnancy was the result of the rape, no, he was madder about the act itself opposed to the pregnancy. What angered him so much was that he'd been so carful with her, they'd been so careful. Even if they hadn't verbally agreed, Pierce didn't need another child, at least not yet, not until they could finish the problem with Anna. They'd been so careful, for nothing. It made him fume with rage.

He touched her cheek with the back of his hand, furred. Her realized what he'd been doing and his hand slowly shifted back to a human hand against her cheek. He pushed away one trail of tears and knelt to his knee on the floor so his eyes were level to her.

"If you keep it, I'll take care of it."

Damn it.

She didn’t flinch when he touched her face. Not even with it feeling all furry and such. It felt weird though when he shifted it back to his human hand. One of her own small hands came up and she put the palm of it against the back of his hand. She then pressed it closer to her face. She sighed softly as she felt him wiping away her tears. She opened her eyes to see that he had knelt down on the floor beside where she was laying. She shifted herself enough to where she could press her head against his shoulder. Her hand that had been pressed against the back of his hand moved so that she could wrap it around his other shoulder and pulled herself close to him without loosening her grip on the blanket with her other hand.

Her breath caught in her throat as he spoke. Her eyes became squeezed shut again as she shook her head ever so slightly. Since she had pressed her head against his shoulder, he would be able to feel the movement. “No. It.. It’s gone... already...” She hadn’t even been able to consider going through with having it. No. No way in hell. “Two... two days ago.” Yup. She had made sure it had been gotten rid of as quickly as possible. Did she feel bad about having an abortion? Yes. Would she have changed having done what she’d done? Hell no. There was no way in hell that she wanted to even consider having it. Not even to give it up for adoption.

Out of the blue, her thoughts drifted to Dagger. Oh god. “I... I’m so sorry,” she whimpered against his shoulder. “I... I never... never wanted him to see me like that.” Thoughts of Dagger being scared of her or something began to flood her mind. “I... I didn’t even... try to stop it. I... I wanted him dead Pierce. Never in my life had I wanted something so badly as I wanted for that man to suffer even more than what he had done to me.” Her body shifted again and seemed to be creeping closer to him. Still without loosening her tight hold on the blanket with her other hand.

“I love you,” she whispered against him. “I... I’ll... I’ll understand if... if you don’t want... don’t want me around Dagger after this.” What? What the hell is she talking about? Why is she talking like this? Maybe it’s because she is scared. Scared that since she let the beast out like that once, that it’ll begin to fight to push itself out again and again and again. It had drained her so very much from having to fight with it to be able to push it back inside.

He slowly wrapped one arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. It really was a reliefe that there would be no child, sick as it made him feel to think that, it was true. He couldn't have handled another child while dealing with Dagger's mother as well, and he couldn't have let Ylva raise it on her own. Not with the way he loved her.

"You didn't have to do that alone, Ylva," he would have gone with her, if only she'd have come to him. He would have made everything better the day she came to him, instead of her suffering the entire time alone only to try to make it better tonight and it only turn out worse.

"Dagger didn't see, Ylva. He saw a wolf. That's all he saw. I told him I found you. That's all he knows, that I found you. He doesn't know it was you, he doesn't know your beast did that. He couldn't even understand it. The only thing he thinks is the man was beat up. That's all. He's alright."

He took his hand off her face and wrapped that arm around her too, then stood, lifting her body slightly until he sat down on the edge of the bed and continued to hold her. "I love you too." I... I’ll... I’ll understand if... if you don’t want... don’t want me around Dagger after this.

He pulled her off his shoulder and took her face gantly in his hands again, making her look at him, trying to keep her eyes with his mismatched eyes. "Don't be stupid. Dag's missed you. Now he knows your back, and he thinks he has you back. You can't just leave him again. He loves you. I love you. I don't..." He closed his mouth, licked his lips, opened his mouth again. "It killed me that you stayed away from us. Your part of his life now, just like mine. I won't turn you away and you can't walk away again. It'll break his heart." The implied, 'It'll break my heart."

The feel of him wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer gave her such a feeling of being safe. Words wouldn’t be able to even come close to being able to say just how safe she felt at this very moment. This was what she needed. Being here with him was what she needed. “I... I couldn’t. I... I was ashamed. Ashamed for having had it happen to me. Ashamed for having left you and Dagger with nothing more than an ‘I’ll see you later’ note.”

Relief waved over her as he said that Dagger hadn’t seen. Well, he had seen but didn’t know that what he had saw was Ylva. It still bothered her to know that he /had/ seen the wolf. At least he didn’t know that it was her. She didn’t want him to know about the beast that lived inside of her. At least not until he was old enough to understand anyway.

Her hand that had been clenching the blanket clenched it tighter as she felt herself being lifted a little. She offered no resistance as he did so for she knew that he would never hurt her. Not like that man had. No. She trusted him. Fully. Yes. She really did. And hearing him saying he loved her just made her feel all the more safe with him.

She was quite startled when he suddenly pulled her off his shoulder and took her face into his hands. His touch was gentle but it had still startled her. However, she didn’t pull away or freak out like she had in the bathroom. She still hadn’t let go of her tight hold on the blanket that she was holding against her naked self. Her eyes began to well again with tears as she listened to him. She didn’t know what to say in reply. So she didn’t say anything. Instead, she pushed herself forward so that she could press her face against his chest. Both arms went around him. Yep. She had let go of her terribly tight hold on the blanket that she’d been griping so hard. No the blanket didn’t fall. It was still being held against her between her and him.

He rewrapped his arms around her when she pushed her face against his chest. He held her there tightly, his arms around her in a hold too tight to be called casual but far too light to be called desperate. He was going to keep her safe, he willed her to feel safe, to think safe. His arms didn't tremble like he felt he was going to, didn't shake with the anger he was holding on to.

Instead he pressed his face down onto the top of her head, burrying his face in her hair, breathing in the sent of damp hair and shampoo and underneath it all was her. And he was going to protect her, from the world and from her beast again, like he had before she'd left him. "You should never have to feel ashamed where Dag and I are concerned. Ever," he said, his voice muffled in her hair, his breath hot on her scalp.

He held her for a long time like this, and then finally peeled away from her again and picked up the boxers and tee shirt from the floor of the bathroom, returning and unfolding the shirt. He started to reach out and pull away the blanket in order to dress her himself but stopped. He handed her the shirt and sat on the edge of the bed, his back turned so she could dress without eyes watching her.

She did feel safe with him. She had always felt safe with him. Why had she been so stupid as to walk away like she had? It had to have been the most stupid thing she had ever done. She shouldn’t have done it. She shouldn’t have walked away from him and Dagger. Part of her knew why she had done it. She had been scared. Scared because of how quickly she had fallen in love with Pierce. Scared of how easily she had been able to love Dagger as if he were her own. Scared of what she might have done if Dagger ever got hurt again like he had by his birth mother. Scared of breaking her promise to Pierce that she would never go seeking the woman to harm her as Dagger had been harmed.

She cuddled herself comfortably against him and could easily have fallen asleep just like this. In fact, she had nearly been ready to do just that when he suddenly moved away from her and left the room. A bewildered look came upon her face as she sat there confused as to why he’d left like that without saying a word. Such relief came back over her when he returned. She hadn’t noticed that he had been carrying clothes with him until he folded the shirt and started to reach out towards her... towards the blanket covering her. She had sucked in her breath but hadn’t flinched. At least not outwardly. It was going to take time for her to get over what had been done to her.

She reached out slightly and took the shirt he handed her. She sat there for a few moments as she watched him sit on the edge of the bed and turned around so that he wasn’t facing her. She pulled the shirt over her head and put her arms through it. It felt big on her but that was perfectly ok. Once the shirt was on, she let the blanket drop to her lap as she moved up behind Pierce. Feminine arms wrapped around him as she pressed the side of her face against his back. “Thank you,” she finally said after being silent for what felt like such a long time.

He felt her arms go around him and lifted his hand from his lap to hold her arms around him. He leaned back against her just slightly, then more until she was pushed back against the pillows that were proped up at the head board and his head as resting gently against her shoulder. He stared at the ceiling while he kept his hands over her arms, holding her arms around himself. He'd heard her suck in that breath.

It had hurt. But he was going to have to suck it up and get used to it because she was going to be doing it for a while, he knew this. Dagger had flinched from his touches for weeks after his mother had damaged his throat. He'd also flinched from anyones touch after every beating his mother gave him. It hurt then and he'd gotten over it. This would hurt, and he would get over it. Because he loved them and they loved him in return.

"Here," he said, finally sitting up and out of her arms, turning around to face her. He pulled the comforter a little higher on her hips and handed her the boxer. "I've got to go but I'll be back in an hour," he had to clean up the mess she'd made. His and Dagger's prints were everywhere out there, even if her's weren't. "Go to sleep for me?"

He leaned over slowly, very slowly, putting his hands firmly at his side, trying not to frighten her, and kissed her forehead lightly.

She didn’t resist as he gently leaned back enough to cause her to lay against the pillows behind her. She knew that he wasn’t going to hurt her. She knew that he wasn’t going to try anything with her that she wasn’t ready for. Baby steps. That’s what it was going to take for her. Lots of baby steps. Lots of patience. Lots of time. She held onto the faith and hope that he wouldn’t give up on her before she was able to become the person she had been before this terrible thing had happened to her.

She had let go of him reluctantly when he sat up. Her eyes had widened a little as he reached for the comforter. However, she could feel herself relaxing again as he pulled it up higher on her hips. Her eyes widened again as he said he had to leave. Even an hour seemed like far too long at the moment. As he leaned over to kiss her forehead, her arms snaked up and wrapped around his neck. She really didn’t want him to leave her even though she knew that he wouldn’t be gone long. “I’ll try,” she whispered in reply. She wasn’t going to say she would and she wasn’t going to say she wouldn’t. ‘I’ll try’ was the best she could offer at the moment.

"Good," he replied, and he pulled her arms from around his neck, pushed the boxers into her hands. Then he found a shirt to cover his pale chest and he turned and left without changing his jeans that had been torn and tattered from the change.

~~~~~~~~

Back by the river once more, this time with a mag-light flash light and a shovel, Pierce marched through the weeds and found the body. Now that he knew what happened he felt no disgust, no remorse for the pile of flesh that lay on the ground. He spent a few minutes with his muscles working, sweating, digging up a bush from the ground and digging further to make a deep, deep hole. Eventually he pushed the body and what she'd detatched from the body into the hole, scraped dirt back over it, and planted the bush back into the ground. This way, no one would see the loosened dirt, and if they did they wouldn't question it. It wouldn't be long before it rained, weted the soil and the heat baked it hard again.

He got in the car, not dirty with sweat and mud from the dirt cacking to his sweat, and he drove back to the apartment.

Her arms folded across her stomach after he removed them from around his neck and handed her the pair of boxers. She watched him put on a shirt and leave the room. She stayed put for several minutes after she heard the front door close. She pushed the comforter off of her legs so that she could pull on the boxers Pierce had handed her. Legs swung over the side of the bed so she could stand up to pull them up. Once she had them on, she wrapped her arms around herself and just stood there for a few more moments. She didn’t want to be alone right now.

She turned and looked down at Pierce’s bed for a moment. She really didn’t want to be alone right now. The empty bed seemed so huge. Slowly she turned away from it and headed for the bedroom door. Out of it she walked slowly and turned to head down the hall towards where she knew Dagger’s room was. His door was closed and she faltered for a moment. Finally she reached out to carefully open his door and peek her head in. From where she was standing, it looked like Dagger was sleeping. She quietly walked across the room and paused for a moment to gaze down lovingly at the little boy. How could she have ever walked out on him and his father?

Ever so carefully, she leaned down and gently gathered the sleeping boy into her arms. She could only hope that she didn’t wake him from her actions. Once she’d gathered the sleeping boy into her arms, she turned and headed back towards Pierce’s bedroom. Upon reaching the room, she headed towards the big empty bed where she carefully climbed onto it and lowered Dagger to it. She lay down beside him and pulled the blanket up over the both of them. Head lowered to the pillow beside him and she put an arm carefully over him. It was then, and only then, that she felt like she really could fall asleep.

And fall asleep she did. She fell asleep with her arm draped over the little boy that she’d so easily grown to love as if he were her own. It had only taken her around twenty minutes after Pierce had left to be able to finally fall asleep. She didn’t feel alone now and that made all the difference in the world.

((Damn I hope this post is ok. If it’s not, let me know and I’ll fix it/change it/whatever.))

Dagger didn't move, weighed only thirty five pounds at best and gone limp he probably weighed fourty. He fit in her arms perfectly, his body fell naturally, his head limp against her shoulder, his face turned in towards her throat. Obviously, he's used to being carried while he sleeps because his muscles naturally settle into a persons arms.

In the bed, he lay on his back, a little thin trail of drool forming at the corner of his lips, his head turned sideways and into her body, a hand making a fist of the bottom of the front of the shirt. He makes no sound and breaths shallowly.

When Pierce returned, he entered quietly for fear of waking either his son or his girlfriend?...love? He was only mildly suprised to find that Dagger was in the bed with her when he entered the room. He wondered if Dagger had come to her, since it wasn't a new thing for him to crawl in bed with dad still, or if she'd gone and gotten Dagger. He found a pair of boxers and a tee shirt, though he rarely slept in a tee shirt and got in the shower, leaving both doors open so he could hear.

He scrubbed viciously to get the dirt and blood off and finally got out, dried off, and got dressed. Coming back into the bedroom he was afraid to get into the bed. He didn't want to. He was afraid she'd wake up and become afraid of him. Instead, he left her and Dagger in the bed and took a pillow and blanket to the living room and fell into an uneasy sleep on the sofa.

How long had she been asleep? She wasn’t sure. She had been in a deep enough sleep though that she hadn’t heard Pierce return. Nor had she heard him shower even though he’d left both doors open. She had been terribly exhausted. Nightmares had haunted her sleep but she hadn’t cried out once while she slept. That was a first since the attack had happened to her. She stirred ever so slightly and her eyes opened slowly. A smile touched her lips as she gazed down at the sleeping boy that was cuddled against her with the bottom of her shirt in his little hand. She moved her head slightly so that she could place a light kiss on the top of his head.

It was then that she realized that Pierce wasn’t there. Worry began to flood through her. She then noticed that one of the pillows was gone. So he had come in here. But why hadn’t he come to sleep in his own bed? She wanted to get up and go looking for him but didn’t want to disturb Dagger’s sleep. She shifted her position slightly but yet enough that she could turn her head towards the door.

“Pierce?” she called softly. She was unsure of if he was sleeping, if he was really there in the apartment, if he would hear her. “Pierce?”

Pierce rose out of his slumber the first time his name was called out, blinking away sleep from his eyes. He became aware the second time his name had been called and this time he sat up, swinging his legs off the edge of the sofa and standing slowly, regaining balance and overcoming the stupor sleep slipped over you.

Walking around the sofa he moved through the short hall and into his bedroom, rubbing his eyes on the back of one hand, whiping away the sleepies that had formed in his eyes. He looked across the room at the bed, at Ylva shifted to gaze at the door, his son lying on his back, one hand holding her shirt, the other trown outward to hang off the bed. A smile played across his lips, lazy and slow and content.

This was how it was suposed to be. Him, and Dagger, and Ylva, all of them. He and Dagger had been fine before she'd come along, perfect, but then she made them a perfect three and when she'd left, it left the two of them. Once you've found a perfect more then the original it's hard to return to the original again. But they'd managed, they'd become content once more, but now they had Ylva back and this was perfect.

"I'm here." He said in a voice that wasn't a whisper but it wasn't loud either. "I told you I would be back."

Her own smile returned to her face and, thus, softened the worried look that had been there as she saw him walk into the room. She lifted one arm off of Dagger but kept the other still wrapped around him loosely. She scooted herself closer to Dagger making more room next to where she was laying. She then patted the spot softly inviting him to come and lay with her and Dagger. Her eyes not once leaving him. Yes. She wanted him to come and hold her still.

“Why didn’t you just lay here? Were you sleeping on the couch?” She kept her voice soft so as to try not to wake Dagger. She had no idea what time of day or night it was. Right now if one were to ask her what day it was, she wouldn’t be able to answer. She had been that out of it for too long of a time. Ever since the attack, all the days seem to just run together like bloodied water. What a comparison eh?

“Where did you go?” Of course she would probably have asked that. And she did.

He straightened hesitantly from where he'd been leaning on the door frame when she pat the bed beside her. Slowly, and finally, he eased himself into the room, rediculously his stomach flashed under the shirt because it was short and the boxers sagged a little on his hips. It didn't look bad, just strange. He stood by the bed and pulled the blanket back without hesitating. He knew she'd put on the boxers or she would not be in the bed with Dagger as she was.

Sitting on the edge of the bed and swung his feet up and pushed them under the blankets, then lay back, but he left inches between them as he turned onto his side to face her, but not touch her. He was worried about this, he'd thought it would be a very long time before she would want held, before she would want to wake in a bed with him.

"Yes," he'd been sleeping on the sofa. "I wasn't sure..." he trailed off and lay his head onto the pillow, one arm pushed up under the pullow. He gazed across her at Dagger and smiled. "Are you sure you want this?" He didn't want her to freak out in the morning when she woke with a man sleeping by her. He didn't answer her last question but made one of his own. "did he bother you? He's been getting in bed in here a lot lately."

She rolled back onto her side once he was in the bed and settled. She then moved backwards a little so that she was curled against him a little. She wasn’t up against him entirely. Just enough to be able to feel the warmth from him on her back. She nodded her head in reply. “Yes. I’m sure. I... I know you aren’t going to hurt me. I... I trust you. I feel safe with you.” Yup. Indeed.

She frowned ever so slightly as she realized he wasn’t going to answer her question at the moment. She wouldn’t push it though. She knew better. She didn’t like pressing anyone for answers when they didn’t want to give them.

“No. He didn’t bother me. I... I went and got him after you left,” she admitted with a bit of embarrassment in her voice. “I... I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to be alone.”

"I don't mind," he replied. "Not at all. I'm sure he'll be thrilled in the morning when he wakes up. Your going to spoil him and he'll think this is permanitly his bed." He said it with a smile on his face and in his voice, then chuckled just a little. It was hard to do so though because he still felt as though he shouldn't be here. He should be on the sofa, giving her the room she should need.

Of course, who knows better about what she needs then she herself right? So when she put her back to him and told him she was positive, he slowly, hesitantly put his arm over her waist, his hand dangling against the matress so that she could throw his arm off of her the moment she dedided she didn't like this. He put his face close to her hair, breathing in her smell again.

"I missed you so much." He whispered it, nearly drifting off into that lazy tone that meant he was comfortable and sleepy.

Yup. She would indeed spoil Dagger. She wanted Dagger to have the motherly love that he deserved. She had felt that way from the day Pierce and Dagger had invited her here to have dinner with them. Yes. She remembered that day well. That was a day she would never be able to forget. It was one of the happiest days of her life. The other one was the night she had given herself to Pierce. But that’s another story for another time.

As his arm came around her waste, she reached down to enclose his hand with her much smaller one. She then brought it up so that she was, in a sense, hugging it between her and Dagger. By doing this, she would end up bringing him a bit closer against her. It was ok though. Her mind and heart kept reassuring her that he was not and would not hurt her. She snuggled her head back against his shoulder and kept one arm around Dagger and the other hugging Pierce’s arm.

“I missed you too,” she whispered back. Even after all that had happened to her thus far, she honestly felt very safe and secure. Yep. She honestly did. It wasn’t long before she was able to drift back off into sleep between the two she loved the most.

The moment his hand came into contact with his son he knew it. It was some sort of bond that no father and daughter or husband and wife or sister and brother could ever form. It was that unique bond between a father and his son and he knew, just somehow, the moment his skin prushed Dagger's tee shirt.

He was pulled closer to Ylva's body and waited for her to start or worry. She didn't and he relaxed, laying limply and comfortably around her. As she drifted to sleep, he listend to her breath slow to join a union with Dagger's soft breaths. His finger's closed around the material of Dagger's shirt and the little boy rolled onto his side to face Ylva, his other hand wrapping around the side of Pierce's hand.

Pierce smiled, listened, and eventually, he too fell asleep, pressed against Ylva's warmth and touching his son's hand, this was all he wanted right now.