World Name: zeek
Real Name: shawn
Age: 22
Hair: medium, white
Eyes: neon green
Height: 6'0"
Class: Blademaster
Clothing: zeek wears neon greenarmor adorned with white bands, His armor covers his whole body, except his head.
Personality: zeek likes to give everyone a chance and tries to help as much as he can, but if someone pi$$es him off then they might be found with a sword in there stomach.
Weapon: Bravesword Lv.1 (Crack Beat)
Body: Leather Coat Lv. 1 ( Gan Zot)
Head: Bandanna Lv. 1 (Repth)
Hand: Wristband Lv. 1 ( Juk Rom)
Feet: Sandals
Shawn is a quiet, keep to himself kind of person. He likes to play video games a lot and watching movies. The only person he really opens up to is his girlfriend whom he is seen with all the time. While surfing the net one day Shawn comes across something known as The World. After doing some research he decides he would like to join and thinks it may be a great opportunity to make some friend who may understand him or are going trough the same thing. Not only that but it’s a chance for him to escape the horrors of real life and enjoy himself.
A couple 'o things, my dear Zeek. Capitalization is your friend. Here on //Divergence, you are graded not only for the story idea, but for the surface work as well. This means that you are judged on capitalization, spelling, punctuation and the like. What does this mean for your reg? You need to capitalize names like "shawn" and "zeek". Well, you may not need to for Zeek, as it is an internet handle, but Shawn definitely needs to be. Your story needs to be run through a word processor to find grammatical and punctuation errors, as you have a few in this story below.
On top of those: Your story as to how you found The World needs to be at least a page long in a word processor of some sort. That would be the story alone, not including everything above it. Adding to that, the first sentence or two of your story are more fitting in your personality section.
Something that I would recommend is that you also add to your appearance. Get detailed! =D This is the person you are going to be playing for a good long while, create a person that you will be proud to write every detail of. I've been here for two and a half years and still love to describe Cent's clothing. What does the armor look like, other than its color? Where are the white bands located? What is their purpose? Are they symbolic of something? Does he have any scars? Any identifying marks?
You've got a good base here. Just keep working at it.
Real Name: Shawn
Age:14
Eyes: blue
Hair:brown, short
Grade: 9th
World Name: Zeek
Age: 22
Hair: medium, white
Eyes: neon green
Height: 6'0"
Class: Blademaster
Clothing: zeek wears neon greenarmor which indicates the pride of his homeland from which he was banished, the shirt is a long sleeve with one sleeve ripped off, the pants go down covering the top half of his shoes, over the shirt is a chainmail vest to protect him in battle. He also has white bands to symbolize his bannishment, one on his right wrist whith the ripped sleeve and one on his head. unfortunately these pands can only be removed by the king of his homelands. His armor covers his whole body, except his head, and right arm, and has black flame like design from his feet up.He uses the flame like design to show his courage to others.
Personality: zeek likes to give everyone a chance and tries to help as much as he can, but if someone pi$$es him off then they might be found with a sword in there stomach.Shawn, however, is a quiet, keep to himself kind of person. He likes to play video games a lot and watching movies. The only person he really opens up to is his girlfriend whom he is seen with all the time.
Weapon: Bravesword Lv.1 (Crack Beat)
Body: Leather Coat Lv. 1 ( Gan Zot)
Head: Bandanna Lv. 1 (Repth)
Hand: Wristband Lv. 1 ( Juk Rom)
Feet: Sandals
While surfing the net one day Shawn comes across something known as The World. After doing some research he realizes it is a online game and decides he would like to join. He thinks it may be a great opportunity to make some friends who may understand him or are going trough the same thing. You see Shawn is a fourteen year old ninth grader who gets picked on a lot. He only has a few friends in school, which after finding The World, he turned to them to see if they had any more information. Not only does he think it’s a good chance to make friends but he also believes it’s a chance for him to escape the horrors of real life and enjoy himself.
After a few days in The World he meets someone he looks up to and he wants this character to be his friend and join his party, he also wouldn’t mind meeting this person in real life, however there is a problem with that. This character tells Zeek that he will only join his party, and possibly reveal himself to Zeek if he proves himself to be a strong-willed player who is loyal to the game. He gives Zeek a task; He must go to a certain field and retrieve a weapon from the lowest depths of the dungeon. Thinking this may be easy Zeek tries, only to receive a Game Over on B2 of the dungeon. After thinking for a little, Shawn (Zeek) wondered The World to meet some more people who maybe able to help him. Being a new character, no one would give him advice or help him on his journey. A couple of days later Shawn was in school and he over heard three other kids talking about The World and decided to join in, thinking this would be a great opportunity to get some advice and make some more friends.
Shawn: Hey guys, Are you talking about The World?
Kid 1: yeah we try to get together every night and find something to do.
Kid 2: yeah, only tonight I have to go watch my brother play football.
Kid 1: and now we’ll be a higher level than him, but I’m not missing a day just because he can’t get on.
Kid 3: me neither
Shawn: Hey, I could join you.
Kid 3: cool, what level are you?
Shawn: I only started playing about four days ago. But I need to go to “Hidden Forbidden Aqua Field” and get to the bottom of the dungeon
to get a weapon.
Kid 2: like I said, I have to go to a game, sorry.
Kid 3: I can go, I’m a level 14 Twin Blade.
Kid 1: I guess I can help, I am also level 14, but I am a Wave Master
After talking with everyone he received there addresses and headed home. As soon as he walked through the door he sat down at the computer and logged in, thus he set off to find his new friends in the Root town Mac Anu, with the help of his new friends, Zeek, made it to the bottom of the dungeon in no time and brought the weapon back. Having done what they promised, Zeek’s new friends had to go and Zeek brought the weapon back to the character who gave him this task. He asked how Zeek did this, and Zeek explained to him how he accomplished his task. When he finished the character explained to him that it was meant for him to go alone, after learning this Zeek insisted on having another task and the character agrees, and so Zeek sets off alone to retrieve a new weapon in a new area, ALONE.
No no, you only get one thread to register with. Please either edit the first post with the most updated copy of your registration.
Your story still needs to be longer as well. I haven't read it, I'm just saying that looking at it. At least 1 page long in MS Word or an equivalent program, single spaced, size 12, Times New Roman, default margins. There are still others, but that one I can pick up on just by a glance...
I have revised my registration, will someone take a look.
From now on, please edit your first post.
Your story is still short. This should be something written in a narrative style, not like a script. Things like "Kid1: Something" need to be replaced with things like "That's when Steve said..." Take a look at other registrations if you have to so that you can get a feel for what we are looking for. There are still several grammatical and punctuation errors. You have tense changes, places where you switch from past to present tense and back. I'm also going to ask that you put an extra line between paragraphs so that we checkers/graders can read it better.
Keep these in mind when you edit, and one of us will check it the next time you edit.
