AUTHORS NOTE:
I first conceived the idea for this series to ask Irina the questions Sydney wanted to know about her relationship to her and Jack. I decided to ask fans of Alias everywhere on the web…What question you would have Sydney ask her mother. The following is the first in a series of ficlets (Smallish pieces) based on those questions.
Kjrsten from SD-1 suggested the first two.
SUMMARY: Irina Derevko is in her cell, always alone, waiting to see her daughter, Sydney. Her immunity agreement states she must answer any question Sydney asks her. To say she is bored is an understatement. She only comes alive when Sydney faces her in her cell or from the occasional visit she gets from Jack. After their trip to Kashmir, Sydney got her mother some time on the roof.
RATING: Depends on the subject matter discussed.

ALL I ASK OF YOU
BY LENAFAN

Conversation One:

Sydney stood on the roof alone. Behind her, rose the skyline of downtown Los Angeles, smudged by a haze of smog. She felt nervous and almost afraid, but she had to talk to her mother, Irina Derevko. Two days ago, they had spoken briefly and finished hugging each other. It had been the first time in twenty years and both were crying. Then the guards had interfered, telling both to step back. Sydney rushed to the door and glancing back saw her mother standing, head bowed, and with both hands held up in the air. After closing the door behind her, Sydney had leaned against it, wiping the tears from her eyes. She did not want her father or Vaughn to see her like this. Neither would approve of her interacting with Irina so personally. She told them nothing although she was sure her father could find out by reading the guards’ report on the prisoner…that is, if he did read them.

Sydney glanced at the door…still closed. She had asked Kendall if she could talk to her mother on the roof. It wouldn’t have anything to do with why she had walked in to the CIA. It would not have anything to do with assignments Sydney needed information for before she began them. She just wanted to talk to her about ‘family stuff’.

“I have got to know. Dad still doesn’t understand. Please.” She looked and felt miserable.

Kendall saw it and thought he understood. “No touching, Sydney. Your mother is…was a dangerous criminal. Your father swears she has an agenda that none of us will know until it is too late.”

“I know, but she helped us in Kashmir beyond what we expected. Dad knows that too! It’s family.”

His cold blue eyes softened a bit, and he nodded. “Remember, Sydney, there will be no physical contact and you get only the fifteen minutes she allowed there. You can talk to her in her cell anytime.”

She nodded, but then, she thought, it would be captured on film and sound. It would not be personal.

She had just fifteen minutes. What did she want to ask her mother? What was the most important thing a daughter could ask a mother who had been out of her life for twenty years?

The door opened. Four Marshals walked out with Irina between them wearing handcuffs. She saw Sydney and smiled. They removed the handcuffs. Irina walked slowly toward her daughter, head cocked slightly, and a smile on her face.

“Hello Sydney,” she said. “I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”

“Hi Mom…Uhhh, I was hoping we could talk a little.”

Irina glanced around her at the guards who had taken their usual positions on the roof. “I need to exercise; can you do it while I walk?”

“Sure.” Sydney stuck her hands in her pockets. The gesture told Irina they would not be touching.

“We have fifteen minutes,” Irina stated as she started walking.

“I—I have questions.”

Irina took a couple of deep breaths, wondering what was coming. Inside her chest, she felt her heart rate increase. “Yes?”

Sydney swallowed and a thought flashed through her mind she would never have had the courage to ask this if it had not been for the trip to Kashmir and that special moment two days ago. “Do you love me or is this a manipulation?”

Irina’s heart nearly stopped. She knew this was coming…ever since she walked into CIA headquarters weeks ago. She took two quick steps and turned to face Sydney. “Yes, Sydney, I do, very much and no, it is not a manipulation.” She thought her answer was acceptable. She stared into Sydney’s dark eyes; there was so much hope in them. As much as she wanted to touch her daughter, she kept her hands to her sides.

“Then why…?” She didn’t finish.

“Sydney, you are my daughter. I carried and gave birth to you. I nursed you. You were a beautiful, perfect baby. My heart was yours from the moment your father put you in my arms at the hospital.” Irina continued walking. Her hands, held to her sides, were clenched. She knew there was another question in tandem to the first.

“Then why did you leave…?”

Irina turned again to face Sydney, carefully choosing her answer. “I am your mother, Sydney, and my leaving had nothing to do with the love I felt for you.” She turned her eyes toward the city, but not really seeing it. “It nearly killed me when Valenko told me I had to leave. You were six years old, beginning to make your mark in school. You were smart, intelligent.” She turned back to her daughter. “If I stayed I would have been arrested by the FBI. It was better you thought I died.”

“You left without…”

“…telling you goodbye?” Irina glanced sideways at Sydney. Neither spoke for a minute as each one thought about the other. How could Irina tell Sydney the agony she felt when Valenko ordered her to fake the accident and that it had to be that same evening.

“The FBI is getting a warrant for your arrest,” he had said. “You must leave tonight or you will be arrested. They’ll try you as a spy and murderer. They will execute you. Moscow wants you home.” He had been firm and almost threatening. If she didn’t do as he told her, she was sure Sydney and Jack would be killed.

She left.

“I couldn’t say goodbye.” Irina stopped, trying to remember everything that happened that day. It wasn’t too hard. She played the day repeatedly in her mind enough times that it was burned into that part of her memory she reserved for Sydney…and Jack.
“Do you remember that day?”

Sydney nodded, “Sometimes like it was yesterday.” Her eyes met those of her mother’s. They stared at one another. “You said,” she squinted bringing the picture of that scene into focus again, her mind reaching for the words, ‘“I love you, Sydney, never forget that.”

Irina forced back a tear, saying quietly, “then you should not have asked the question.”

Sydney blushed and said, “But you died and twenty years later…here you are.” She sighed. “Things change…people change. I had to know.” She walked past Irina to the door, where she turned. “I’ll see you as soon as I can.”

“More questions?”

“Yes.”

“One thing that has never changed, sweetheart, are the last words I spoke to you before I left.” Irina continued making a circle of the roof lost in thought as Sydney disappeared down the stairs.

*** B)

interesting idea and I love the interaction between syd & Irina. I look forward to reading the next one you post :)

SUMMARY: Irina is on the roof. She thinks Sydney is in Paris, but instead she is waiting for her mother. She has another question.
This question was from Sarina at AllAlias.
RATING: PG-13

ALL I ASK OF YOU

CONVERSATION Two

Irina sat on her bunk reading. Sydney was in Paris on assignment with Sark for SD-1 or at least she thought she was. John, the elderly, but friendliest of the Marshals guarding her had said according to what he heard upstairs that she had gone there. John usually kept her apprised of Sydney’s comings and goings. Irina had made a friend of him shortly after her incarceration. He was the one who usually brought her food trays and Irina, who knew something about prisons, was aware there was always someone willing to talk and answer questions. It just took time to find the right one. John was it.

She had relived the conversation she had with her daughter three days prior. Sydney had asked a question that gave Irina heartache. She was trying her best not to lie to Sydney at any time. She promised that when she signed the immunity agreement. “Do you love me or is it a manipulation?” was the question and she had answered it honestly. She did love her daughter and it wasn’t a manipulation. That she might use Sydney’s trust was still a distinct possibility. Irina did not plan to spend the rest of her days in this or any other prison.

“Time, Derevko!” Two Marshals appeared and one carried handcuffs.

Irina shrugged into the lightweight jacket, walked to the Marshal her wrists out. He snapped the cuffs on her and then pulled her out the door. No one said anything as they all took the elevator up to the roof. She was getting her fifteen minutes of exercise. When one opened the door, Irina saw Sydney, who turned at the sound.

“Hi,” she greeted.

Irina smiled tentatively. “Hello, Sydney. Is everything all right?” She walked toward her.
“I heard you were in Paris with Sark.”

Sydney smiled, “Yeah, but I didn’t have any trouble. We did our assignment. Of course,” she paused, “he did tell me that you were like a mother to him.”

Irina didn’t blink. “Well, he is younger than you.” She started walking.

Sydney fell in beside her. “Mom, did you ever love Dad?”

Irina caught her breath, but didn’t stop walking. “My God, Sydney, what a question for you to ask. I would think your father might ask that, not you.”

“I suppose so, but then you had me…so…” Sydney hesitated, as she saw Irina’s eyes turn toward her.

“You know I was sent to marry your father by KGB.” She hesitated. Sydney wondered if that was all she would say. “That said,” Irina continued and her accent thickened. “I was not in love with your father when I first met him. I was only twenty-one and very excited about doing my job with honor.”

“Having sex and making him love you?” Sydney spoke the words as though she were dissecting a bug and discussing it with a colleague.

Irina bit her lips. She almost swore, but didn’t. Instead, her voice was soft and almost tearful. “Sydney, I said I wasn’t in love at first…but your father was kind, caring and had such respect for me, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. It was hard to believe KGB sent me to marry a man of such goodness.”

She hesitated searching for more words to describe Jack when he was a young agent. “He loved me so much that I first thought he was a fool. As months went by, I began to have real feelings for him. Not real love, but I had kindness and more understanding.”

“Then I decide to have a child. You. I knew I would leave someday. If I had child, I could not take you with me. I leave a part of me with your father.” Irina squinted as she remembered the years she was married. “I came to love him for the good man he was. I risk my life for you.”

“How is that?”

“KGB did not order me to have a child. I decided that for myself. Valenko liked me, so I said nothing to him until too late. I was five months pregnant. They could order me killed, but they didn’t. I was too valuable. They let me have the baby.”

“This isn’t some manipulation or lie to spare my feelings.”

Irina said, “Look at me, Sydney.” Her voice was sharper with an edge.

Sydney stopped and looked at her. “Well, is it?”

“Moya bog,” swore Irina in Russian. She glanced sideways at a guard who stood about twenty feet from them. “I said I would answer your questions about my organization and anything else pertaining to Sloane or Rambaldi. I did not bargain to get involved in a discussion about my feelings.” She had said all this in Russian. She was aware Sydney was an excellent linguist and could speak her native language as though she had been born and raised in Russia.

“Mom, be careful,” whispered Sydney stepping close, but not touching Irina. “I’m sorry if I sounded demanding. I have to tell you Dad has mixed feelings about you, some of which I know he hides from the world.”

“He hates me and I don’t blame him.”

“Not totally.” Sydney said softly.

Suddenly there was a shout from the guard nearest to them. “Halt. Don’t move.” He held his rifle at a ready position. Both women stared at him in surprise. Their conversation had been private and concerned only themselves and one other—Jack. Irina turned to face the guard, her hands held shoulder high. She said nothing. She could wait until the moment sorted itself out.

Sydney started toward the guard who immediately brought his rifle to bear on her. “Don’t move, Agent Bristow.” Then he spoke into a personal mike hooked up to his uniform at the shoulder. All of the Marshals wore one during the daytime when they had Derevko out on the roof.

A minute later Kendall was out on the roof walking briskly toward the two women. Irina kept herself in a passive pose, intending everyone to know she was not planning anything. She would let Sydney do the talking.

“The Marshal tells me you were speaking Russian. That is forbidden.”

“Since when?” Sydney was upset. “Our conversation was personal. I told you we were not talking about anything other than family.”

“Sorry Sydney, but it is as of this moment.” Kendall stared at Irina. “You understand, Derevko?”

She nodded, not moving.

“What were you saying in Russian,” Kendall demanded.

Sydney was stricken, glancing at her mother. “She was upset with me because of the way our conversation was going.”

“I said…” Irina interrupted, not moving. “I was supposed to answer questions pertaining to Rambaldi or my organization or anything having to do with Sloane or the Alliance. I did not want to get into an in depth discussion about…” Now she realized she was heading in the very direction she had tried to avoid.

“…about her feelings.” Finished Sydney.

Kendall stared at the two women. He saw concern on Sydney’s face and something that might have been misery in Derevko’s eyes. “Okay,” he glanced at his watch. “You have less than five minutes left, Derevko.” He turned and walked to the door and disappeared.

Irina put her arms down. “You want to know my feelings for your father when we were married? Sydney, as I said a moment ago, I grew to love him a little more each day. Still I had a job to do and I kept at it even though toward the end…” She paused and looked out briefly toward the Los Angeles skyline.

“Yes?” Sydney prodded.

Irina turned to face Sydney. Beyond her daughter, she saw the Marshals motion to her. “I have to go. My time…and yours…is up.” She walked slowly toward the four men.

Sydney stayed where she was. “Mom?” Irina stopped, “Do you love him still?” She needed to know. She knew her father still thought about his ex-wife. Most of the time it was with angry, harsh comments. However, that early morning on the train, in Kashmir there had been a moment when she saw a different Jack, but only a moment.

The Marshal with the cuffs fitted them over Irina’s wrists and snapped them shut. They marched her toward the door. One of the men stepped forward opening the door.

Irina turned for the briefest of moments, looking at Sydney with a smile and said, “Yes…”

Russian translation:
Moya Bog – My God
***

what a sweet little story, didn't know you posted it here too.
anyhow hope to see more updates, maybe one with Jack and Irina?
thanks for the pm.

SUMMARY: A day for a shower, washing hair and fielding another question from her daughter. Irina is combing her hair on the roof when Sydney joins her.
RATING: PG -13

ALL I ASK OF YOU

Conversation #3

Irina stood in the shower. Hot water cascaded over her naked body. They allowed her a shower every other day and clean clothes at the same time. Her clean prison wear hung on a hook on the closed door. It was a small room and the shower took up most of the space. Outside its door was a smaller space—just enough room to towel off and put on the clothes. There was no sink. Someone, however, had hung a bathroom mirror on the wall to the right of the shower.

She picked up the soap and washcloth and began to soap it. As she ran the cloth over her body, her thoughts turned back to a happier period in her life when she was married to Jack. She closed her eyes, remembering the times they shared the shower. Irina could feel his hands wielding the cloth; washing her back, her breasts…she bit her lips, leaning forward. This was not the first time she ‘felt’ his hands on her. Granted time had eroded the ‘touch’ and there were longer of periods when she felt him not at all. However, since her incarceration here, the sensuous feel of his hands had returned with increasing emotional power. She swallowed hard and shook her head, rubbing her body harder and faster. Suds flew and melted away.

Finished, she hung the washcloth over the door. Leaning over, she picked up the shampoo and poured some over her wet hair. She worked into her hair, scrubbing her scalp until it seemed it was radiating heat. She turned the hot water off and increased the cold. Jack always kidded her about the way she took showers. Of course, he did not know then Russians always started and ended their showers with cold. Sometimes, she remembered, when she was little, all her family had was cold water.

She turned off the shower. Stepping out, Irina pulled the large towel from its hanging place. It took her ten minutes to dry herself including her long hair. Glancing at the mirror, she saw it was still fogged. She took a couple steps and rubbed the towel over it leaving a more or less smeared reflection. Her hair would need more drying. She hung up the towel and began putting her clean clothes on without paying much attention.

Irina was thinking of the visit she had with Sydney four days ago and what they had talked about; her answer had almost been a surprise to herself. She shrugged into the jacket. Did she love Jack? Yes, after all, they had spent ten years together and for the most part, she had been very happy, especially when Sydney was born. She completed all the assignments the KGB gave her, but she learned to compartmentalize…to keep separate her job and her growing love for the man she seduced and married in order to steal secrets he was privy to as a CIA agent.

Irina opened the door. The two Marshals stepped forward. One snapped handcuffs on her.
“Can I go to roof? It’s been four days.”

The taller of the two flipped the switch on his shoulder phone and buzzed his boss upstairs. He turned away from Irina, spoke a few words, listened, and then snapped the switch off.

“Fifteen minutes,” he said. At the stairwell, two Marshals met them. Kendall decreed there be a minimum of four to six Marshals whenever Irina Derevko was there. They went up the stairwell, four floors and at the top, they took an elevator to the roof. There was another short flight of stairs and at the top in front of the door, the handcuffs were removed. Irina rubbed her wrists as she stepped out into the sunshine.

She pulled her comb out from her jacket pocket. It wasn’t long one, just about four to five inches. Still it was better than no comb. Taking off the jacket, she spread it on the roof and sat down; she began combing her damp hair. It glistened in the sunlight and the red highlights were darker than when her hair was dry.

The sun felt good. She never forgot Southern California weather. She had even experienced an earthquake, but there were no blizzards or snowstorms. She and Jack lived in Santa Monica and it was wonderful…cool, sometimes breezy, weather. Irina closed her eyes.

“Mom!”

Irina jerked and gasped. “Sydney! You surprised me.”

Sydney squatted down, facing her. “You did seem to be someplace else. What were you thinking about?”

“A happier time,” she said. Irina resumed combing her hair.

“Dad wants to talk to you.” Sydney said.

Irina squinted at her, but did not stop. Fifteen minutes was not a long time and she had to get her hair dry. “What about?”

“I dunno,” Sydney itched to help her mother, but she knew the Marshals would be on them in an instant and she did want to ask Irina something. “Mom, did you ever miss me or even think about me during the past twenty years?”

Now Irina focused on Sydney and her question. She blinked. “Sydney, more than you know. I missed you the moment we last saw each other…when you were six going on seven. Circumstances kept us apart, but not a day went by when I didn’t wonder what you were doing.” Irina stopped, trying to decide if she should tell Sydney anything else. It might not be smart of her to expand since to do so would put many of her contacts in danger. She opted not to say more.

Sydney gave her a brief smile. “I just wondered. When I found out you lived, I had a hard time. How much did you miss me…you know…” She stopped because Irina had turned her head to look away over the roof. However, Sydney saw a tear rolling down her mother’s right cheek.

Irina turned back to her daughter and stood up. “Sydney, you are first-born. Every mother and father know their first-born from time of birth until they grow up. I missed you, trust me.”

Sydney’s mouth broke into a wide grin. Then she frowned. “If you missed me, what did you feel about shooting me?”

“Terrible. Sydney, I told you when we returned from Kashmir what happened. Inside, I was a mess. However, Khasinau and Cuvee were in the other room, watching. I could show no weakness in dealing with you. You were our enemy. You worked for Sloane and the CIA…a double agent.

“When Khasinau confirmed that I became,” she seemed to be searching for the right word. “I became furious with your father…to…to put you in such danger…”

“Wait,” Sydney snapped, “you said you didn’t tell…”

“Sydney, listen to me.” Irina leaned in close to her. “Hadlaki worked for Khasinau. He was his informant inside the CIA. I did not tell Khasinau, because he already knew. I do not know if he shared the information with Sark, who is rather young and hot-blooded. I told you then that it didn’t mean you were safe.”

Sydney was not sure her mother was telling her the entire truth, but then what could she gain now. Hadlaki and Khasinau were both dead. Still she was wary because Sark probably knew and he was supposedly a partner of Sloane’s. Yet, at none of the SD-6 briefings there had never been the slightest hint that Sloane knew. Maybe Khasinau did not tell Sark.

Irina saw one of the Marshals coming toward them. “My time is up. Tell your father I can see him in a few minutes.” She held out her wrists for the handcuffs.

Sydney stood watching her mother disappear down the stairs. She turned to stare out over the rooftops toward the heart of Los Angeles. There were times she wanted so much to believe Irina Derevko. She was the woman who gave birth to her. She was her mother. She was also an international criminal who had not only murdered twelve CIA agents…but probably countless others in the course of her life the past twenty years.

Could she really believe anything she said? Sighing, Sydney shoved her hands into her pockets and with head down, walked to the door.
***

Boy, I really like these little stories. You're doing a great job. Thanks for writing them.

Great story. I can't wait to read more.

Thanks for the pm.

that is the question.
can't wait see what's gonna happen next and thanks for the pm.

what I like is the juxtapsotion of Irina and Sydney having these talks in the midst of (for them) their normal lives

combing hair and do my parents love me and all of that

great insight lenafan


Bren

Great conversations between Sydney and Irina, lenafan.

SUMMARY: So far Irina has had three conversations with her daughter, Sydney is learning more about her mother’s feelings about herself and her father. However, is it the truth or some sort of manipulation in order to make Sydney an ally in the hidden agenda Jack insists Irina has. He knows his ‘wife’ only too well and even though she was a part of the family team in Kashmir, he still has reservations—a ton of them. Sydney, however, is not through probing for answers.
My thanks for the question submitted by Frogboy_Lives of CIA Headquarters and LenaOnlineForum.
TIMELINE: Just after A Higher Echelon.
RATING: PG-13

All I Ask Of You

Conversation Four

It had been a hard time working under the scrutiny of Sydney, Jack, Kendall and other CIA operatives. She had locked SD-6 out of Echelon just in the knick of time. Being up in the Rotunda for the first time, Irina had felt the fear and perhaps even hatred of the other agents. They were aware they had a prisoner of international reputation, especially since she was reputed to have killed twelve of their fellow agents years ago.

She paid them no attention. She had work to do. She had completed her assignment and more. When the Marshals brought her back to the cell, she dropped into the bunk and fell asleep. She didn’t wake up until this morning. Irina ate the breakfast they brought, did some yoga and meditation.

“Derevko, Kendall says you can go up to the roof.” One of the Marshals stood at the door unlocking it.

Irina stood. She could use some walking. Those hours at the computer yesterday had worn her out. She held out her arms and handcuffs were snapped over her wrists. They led her up the usual route to the roof. Outside the door, they took the cuffs off and then stood in their usual spot. Two more Marshals joined the pair within minutes. They were getting either lazy or sloppy, she thought. Orders said all four had to be on the roof with her at the same time.

Irina began stretching and pulling while standing in one place. After a couple of minutes, she began a slow walk around the perimeter of the roof staying just inside the guards. As she passed the door, it opened to emit Sydney. Irina stopped and turned to face her with a smile on her face. Sydney was wearing a leather coat, boots and pantsuit. She wore her hair long and had very little make-up on her face.

Irina cocked her head slightly. She loved looking this extraordinary young woman who was her daughter. She was so beautiful. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, on my way to…” she stopped realizing she should not be telling her destination to Irina.

Her mother threw her head back and laughed. She has a wonderful laugh, thought Sydney. “What is so funny?”

“You, sweetheart. I’m a prisoner. I can’t phone out and have no way to communicate to anyone where you are going.”

Sydney smiled, looking down for the moment. “Yeah, I suppose. Still I didn’t come here to talk about destinations…”

Irina motioned her to follow to the center of the roof where the guards wouldn’t hear everything. “You want to ask me something?”

Sydney nodded, wondering how her mother would take this one. “Was I conceived out of love, out of the need to keep your cover, or out of twisted Rambaldi plot? I know that there is something about Rambaldi, you and Sloane. I just want to be sure I wasn’t the result that or of a nefarious KGB plot to keep you in place.”

Irina stared at Sydney in shock. She thought she had explained how much she wanted a child. “How can you think…?” She turned and started walking to the far end of the roof. She wanted to lash out at someone…something and it had better be an inanimate object. However, how could she object the question? Sydney had been left alone for twenty years without a mother.

The high fence put up to keep the dangerous prisoner inside loomed ahead of her. She grabbed at it with both hands, fingers locking over the steel wire. She didn’t want to look at Sydney yet. She was angry with her daughter for the first time. Still didn’t she have a right to ask? Didn’t her past indicate this question to be a reasonable one? She wondered how much about Rambaldi Sydney knew. What did Sydney know that she didn’t? Irina wanted to kick the fence, but knew that would bring the guard over.

She turned, leaning back against the fence and looked at Sydney for a long minute. Her daughter watched her mother…waiting for whatever story Irina was going to tell her. Would she be truthful or would she lie. Sydney knew Irina did love her, but the reason behind her birth…she had to know, at least hope to know from her.

Irina pushed herself to stand straight, facing Sydney. “I’ve told you before I wanted a child. Your father wanted one also. So you were conceived, not out of any necessity…KGB or Rambaldi, but because you were wanted by us. There was no Rambaldi reason OR have anything to do with…Arvin Sloane.” Her eyes narrowed. “Why would you think Arvin had anything to do with your birth?”

Now it was Sydney’s turn to look at her mother for a minute without speaking. “You are supposed to be exercising. Let’s walk.” She wanted to take Irina’s arm in hers, but that would only cause trouble.

“Why, Sydney,” persisted Irina, walking with her hands in her pockets.

“Just…just that he is so…so oily around me. He ordered Danny killed, whom I planned to marry. We were engaged. Then he blames it all on me. I didn’t want any secrets between Danny and me, so I told him about SD-6 who I thought was part of the CIA. Every time Sloane talks to me, he sounds…sounds as though he thinks he is my father…or at least thinks he has the same right as Dad does.”

Irina swore. “That son of a b*itch, if he was here I’d make him sorry.” She stopped and turned to her daughter. “Jack is your father, I swear it, Sydney. Arvin had nothing to do with your conception or birth! Did he ever insinuate that I…” In her mind Irina was thinking how best to get even with the bastard. “As for the Rambaldi thing, I am as bewildered by this as anyone else.”

Sydney weighed her words. They sounded sincere. “So you never heard about the prophecy?”

Irina caught her breath! “Moya bog, prophecy? Rambaldi prophesied something?”

Sydney nodded. Obviously, her mother didn’t know about Page 47. Still it was so strange to see a picture of herself, or possibly her mother, in a document centuries old. She had put it out of her mind, not wanting to get caught up in Rambaldi mind games. Now, however, she had opened a door that they both might have to walk through. “Yes, but I don’t know what it means.” She wondered how far she should go with this. She didn’t know what Irina knew and she certainly did not want to give away something that had become rather personal.

She swallowed and then told her mother the prophecy. Of course, she left out the name of the woman in the picture.

“Where is the page?”

Sydney grinned, “Unnh uh, can’t tell you. You know I can’t.”

Irina did not smile. “It does not bode well to the power mentioned. No indication then whether the power was a country, a person…?”

Sydney shook her head. She thought of something that might take her mother’s mind of Rambaldi. She herself wanted to do this so much that sometimes she ached with the desire. “Mom?”

Irina stopped and looked at her. “What is it, Sydney?”
“Remember a few days ago when we hugged?”

“I will always remember that, sweetheart.”

“So will I. I want you to know that if I could, I’d do it now. I just don’t want you to get into trouble.”

Irina stopped and turned to Sydney. “I can feel your arms around me. I will never forget it no matter where I am.”

Sydney’s thought was Irina would end up in prison…maybe worse. “Me too.” A few tears escaped from her eyes. She wiped them away. “I’ve got to go. I’ll try to see you again soon.”

“Thank you for coming.” Irina watched her amazing daughter leave, knowing she was going on some kind of assignment. She resumed her pacing. She must have a couple of minutes left. She thought about Sloane and what Sydney told her. She would have to have an understanding with Arvin when she saw him.

*** :redhair:

That was excellent ! I love that !!!

wonderful, yet another great and very sweet chapter.
hope to read more soon.

beautifully done

cannot wait for more

bren

SUMMARY: Sydney had a near escape in France when she and Vaughn foolishly went to have dinner together. Their physical attraction nearly cost them their lives. Ariana Kane’s men spotted them and it was only by some quick work by Vaughn that they were able to escape. Sydney returned to CIA headquarters and finds her mother once more on the roof. Earlier, Jack told her Irina helped him escape Ariana’s trap, therefore saved his life. Of course, during the conversation, Irina says nothing and everything about the reason Bill Vaughn was killed by her. We are changing the storyline just a little, but then I was never one to follow J.J.’s Alias world.
TIMELINE: This conversation takes place after The Getaway.
Verdantheart, who is an excellent writer and columnist at AllAlias, submitted this question. My thanks to her for taking the time.
RATING: PG-13

ALL I ASK OF YOU

Conversation 5

Irina was doing some fast walking in a rectangular path. She heard the roof’s door open and looked up to see her daughter enter slowly. Sydney had just arrived back from Paris a day ago and seen her father who told her what happened with Ariana Kane.

Irina stopped in front of her breathing heavy. “Are you okay?”

Sydney looked serious as she told Irina what happened. “We were almost caught!” She answered the unasked question. “We were so stupid.”

Irina looked at her daughter. “That was very dangerous mistake. What did your father say?”

“Almost the same thing. I don’t think he likes Vaughn much, especially since…” She stopped realizing her mother didn’t know about the attempt she and Vaughn had tried to get her father arrested as a KGB spy. She really wasn’t interested in pursuing it with her. She had a question that had bothered her for some time now ever since she learned Irina was alive.

“…especially since what?”

“It’s not important. I wanted to ask you something. You gave birth to me and cared for me. How could you continue to work for the KGB and take care of me at the same time?”

Irina turned away and started walking again, but slower. She stared out over the rooftops toward the few skyscrapers that made Los Angeles’ skyline. It certainly didn’t come close to New York’s. “You want me to explain myself and my actions.” She looked at her daughter. “I told you earlier that being asked to serve my country was important and empowering to an eighteen year old, just as it was to you when SD-6 recruited you at nineteen.

“Then I was assigned to your father.” She stopped and looked up into the sky. There were some birds flying overhead, freewheeling, looking for food. She wanted to tell Sydney the hard truth; she wanted Sydney to realize there was more to life than serving her country. “After three years, I decided—not the KGB or anyone else, but I decided to have a child. Your father was becoming a factor in my life that I did not count on when I came to America.” Keeping her hands in her pockets, she turned to face Sydney squarely. “I could have a child, be a mother and a wife, because I did what you do so well, I separated myself into two people.”

Irina’s dark eyes looked straight into Sydney’s without guile. “I was two people, Sydney, for your first six years. I loved you deeply. You were your father’s and my joy. However, during the first two years of your life, I always took you with me when I went to see my handler, Valenko.

“You took me with you?” Sydney seemed surprised.

“Of course, did you think I would leave you alone?” Irina began walking again. Could she make her daughter see that this spy business was even more dangerous than she imagined.

“To see your handler? Wasn’t that dangerous?”

“Of course, but you were never a problem. When I resumed teaching, you had a nanny for those hours I wasn’t at home. I saw Valenko after my classes whenever it was ordered.” Irina stopped. “Sydney, it was easier to keep my contact with him when you were at home.”

“But killing…”

“Did I? If I remember correctly, the Senator said the information I stole from your father’s briefcase led to the deaths of twelve agents. I mean eleven.”

“No, it was twelve!” Sydney corrected her.

Her mother shook her head, “No, it was eleven…number twelve I did kill.” She was not sure she should say any more. “I know the Senator was right when he sentenced me to death. In my country, a spy would not even get a trial, let alone have a chance to appeal.” She hoped she had moved Sydney away from asking who it was.

“You killed Vaughn’s father, didn’t you?” Sydney jammed her own hands into her pockets. She had always hoped it wasn’t true. All the information had come from second hand sources. According to Vaughn, she shot him twice in the back of the head, after he had been tortured extensively.

“Yes.” Irina did not look at her. She resumed walking, a little faster now. Their time together was ending. “He stole something that was precious and did not belong to him.” She did not say what.

“I tried to get Vaughn to talk to me about it, but he won’t.” Sydney did not hear everything Irina said. Her mind was on Vaughn.

“One day he will, but probably after I’m dead, which could be soon.” Irina stared with unseeing eyes at the door that led down into the CIA-FBI headquarters. She didn’t know how much longer it would be before she could leave. Leave she had to…she could not stay a prisoner of the CIA.

“What are you talking about?” Sydney wondered if something had happened.

Irina laughed, her rich low voice, “Sydney, what do you think will happen when they have all the information they want from me?”

“Prison.” She answered.

Her mother looked at her. “I’m what, number six on the most wanted of CIA? That’s not only here but also elsewhere in other countries in varying degrees. Prison maybe, but perhaps even worse. I am not a good person, but I am your mother. I want you to think about me. When I was young, eighteen and recruited, I was a patriot, proud and idealistic.

“Now I am an international terrorist and criminal, wanted in many countries.” She saw Sydney wince. “Sweetheart, I beg you, leave the CIA. Get married, have children, and live a normal life. I gave birth to you and that was my hope for you when you grew up, not this.” She waved her hand over the roof. Tears began to form in her eyes and she wiped them away with her sleeve.

“Mom!” Now Sydney felt tears on her own face.

Suddenly Irina grabbed Sydney and hugged her; then kissed her on both cheeks. “Sweetheart, please…” she begged. She knew this would be the end of her trips to the roof, but she had to make her daughter understand.

“Stop!” One of the marshals jumped toward them, gun leveled at Irina’s head. “Hands up and move away.”

She didn’t move, but kept her hands on Sydney’s face. “This could happen to you,” she whispered quietly. She heard the click of the shell inserted into the firing chamber. The marshal with the handcuffs rushed over, grabbing her wrists, pulling them roughly behind her back, and snapped them on her. “Please Sydney, get out.” Irina cried, as the marshals pulled her by her arms through the door and out of sight. Sydney was crying as she followed. She knew her mother had just given up her roof privileges by her outburst.

***

I think Syd got the message, that was... poignant, the end. I hope many more chapters will follow ! You write beautifully !

AUTHORS NOTE: I could not pass up the opportunity for Sydney to be with her mother alone without the marshals nearby. What better opportunity than at the hospital, after Irina tries to escape by jumping from the roof of the building where Arvin had held Jack prisoner. If you have followed “The Nearness of You” which is the interactions: the questions and answers Jack and Irina have been having, then you will be familiar with this piece’s position.
SUMMARY: It is the first opportunity for Sydney to be completely alone with her mother. Irina is handcuffed to her hospital bed while recuperating from four fractured ribs, sustained after she hit the building while trying to escape. This takes place the morning after Sydney caught her parents kissing the night before Jack’s discharge. The marshals are outside the room where they cannot interrupt their conversation.
RATING: PG-13

ALL I ASK OF YOU

Conversation Six

Sydney stopped at the nursing station and asked if her father were still in the room. The LVN told her he had left about an hour ago. She smiled and her heart beat a little faster. Maybe today would be her only chance to talk to her mother alone. She and Vaughn were leaving tomorrow for a short vacation in Santa Barbara. She smiled at the marshals, one of whom opened the door for her. Sydney thanked him and walked into the room.

Irina looked up. She was trying to comb her hair. They let her have a shower, the first one in five days. She had begun to feel dirty and the sponge baths were not enough. The doctor however had been firm. No showers until he saw improvement in her breathing and then only with assistance. Irina had put up with the attendant only because she desperately wanted that shower and to wash her hair.

“Sydney!” Irina smiled.

“Mom, let me help you.” Sydney threw down her small purse on the end of the bed. She took the comb out of Irina’s hands. “Seems to me the last time this happened our roles were reversed.” She was thinking back to when her mother used to comb her hair before bedtime every night. It had been a special time for them both.

Irina stared at her daughter and tears began falling across her face. Sydney had moved behind her mother and was combing out the long dark chestnut hair. It seemed damp now. She managed to get the few tangles out. Then Sydney toweled her hair again. She combed it out once more. She put the comb down and came around to look at Irina.

“What’s wrong,” she asked, seeing the tears for the first time.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I—I never thought you would remember those things we did together when you were little.”

“Of course I did. I thought you were dead. I had to remember.” Sydney smiled shyly.

Irina gazed at her daughter with something close to agony in her eyes. She took the cover and wiped her face. “Sorry.” She swallowed. “I thank you for helping me now. It is difficult when you have the use of only one hand.”

Sydney shrugged, but smiled. “I wish things had been different.”

“Yes,” Irina said.

“You know what I missed the most.”

Irina looked at her surprised, “What?”

“Those hugs you gave me before I left for school and the one I got when I came home.” She looked at her mother. “I think both of us could use one now.”

Irina reached out with her right arm. Sydney took her mother into her arms and they hugged, holding onto each other as tight as they could under the circumstances. Tears flowed from both pairs of eyes. Finally, Irina pulled back and placed her right hand on Sydney’s left cheek. “I wish I could tell you how many times I thought about that.” Her eyes didn’t leave those of Sydney’s. “I told you once before that I wasn’t much of a mother nor did I deserve a second chance and I still think that, but, Sydney, I do love you—and your father.”

Sydney took her mother’s right hand in both of hers. “I guessed that was obvious by what I saw last night.”

“Your father…” Irina hesitated, “is a wonderful man.” She was thoughtful and did not continue as she judged the words she was going to speak. “Sydney, I grew to love him more each day, especially after you were born. I love him now.”

“I think he had a soft spot in his heart for you, no matter what he says out loud.” Sydney moved back a little.

“I know. I hurt you both, especially him.” Irina stared fully into her daughter’s eyes. “Your father was and is the only man I’ve known who treated me with respect and as an equal, no matter the circumstances. From the moment I met him, he shared himself with me. He shared his hopes and dreams. He always included me in everything. I had everything from him: love, respect, and trust.”

This was time to talk with her daughter and there was a good chance she would not have the opportunity again. “The KGB had no idea what kind of a man he was. They sent me here and by the time we had you, I loved him a little more every day.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I betrayed his love, his trust, and his respect, because I had a job to do. I could not tell him who I really was and why I married him.”

She wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “Sydney, are you happy?”

“Of course.” She was surprised. “I have Vaughn.”

“Agent Vaughn is your handler, isn’t he?” Irina knew he was, as she had confronted him in her cell a couple of times about Sydney. “Do you plan to get married?”

“Mom!” Sydney was shocked. “It’s too early.”

“Are you sleeping with him?” Irina pressed.

Sydney was momentarily caught off guard. “I think that’s personal.” She felt like a little kid about to be chastised.

Irina noticed her sudden reticence and laughed. “Sydney, I’m your mother. I may not have some rights, but we are having a mother daughter talk. We’re two women related by blood. Moya bog, I never had the chance to talk to you when you were a teenager, at least give me the chance to be your mother if only for an hour. Are you sleeping with him?”

Sydney suddenly giggled. “Yes. I do love him. He’s been my guardian angel so many times.”

“Has he told you he loves you?”

“Well, he has…a couple of times.”

“A couple,” Irina was trying to figure out what ‘a couple of times’ meant. “I think it should be more than that. Why is he hesitant?”

“He won’t talk about you.” Sydney said, challengingly.

“His father?”

Sydney nodded. Irina sighed. What a complication the situation was. Jack had told her about that when she was in the cell at CIA headquarters. “Then I won’t talk to you about it either. If Vaughn needs to know about his father, he’ll have to find a way to talk to me before…” She fell silent and looked away.

“Mom, don’t…” Sydney put her hand on her mother’s free one.

Irina looked back at her daughter. “Sydney, there’s only one thing on my mind now.” She was deciding how to approach it without giving too much away…too many of her own secrets…secrets that had so much to do with the future. “I told you once that you should not stay with the CIA because of me.

“I think your father and I are at least in agreement on that—you should leave the intelligence service before it eats you up, before it is too late…” She took a deep breath. “Sydney, I want you to look at something.” Irina turned on her left side. “Look at my back, sweetheart, and tell me what you see.”

Sydney stood, pulling the covers away. The hospital gown had partially separated. She pushed it back all the way. Irina’s back was exposed and at first glance, she saw nothing. She took her hand and ran it down the right side. Her mother said nothing, waiting. Sydney felt a ridge in the skin, and then another and another as her hand traced its way. She leaned down and now could see very faint white lines—no, scars. She caught her breath.

“You have thin scars across your back. You were beaten, weren’t you?”

Turning back, Irina nodded. “My own country believed I had become double agent. Those scars are more than twenty years old. They were much more visible years ago. Only time has begun to erase them.”

“Why did they let you go?”

“Because they did everything to make me tell them and I wouldn’t…I wasn’t double agent…I came home because they said I had to come. They did many things to make me break, but I never did. I would not.” Irina didn’t tell her about the exact moment she was given the chance to leave Kashmir. That was a secret that she could not share.

“Sydney, if you continue as field agent the chances are you will be caught. Spies are not treated with kid gloves. You know what Camp Harris is?”

“The CIA maintains it as a…” she paused, “…interrogation depot.”

“Sydney, they use torture, just like the Russians, the Chinese, the Pakistanis…even the British. They break you down in order to make you talk.” Irina’s eyes turned darker. “The CIA failed. I couldn’t tell them. I did not try to kill you. That was stupid reasoning by CIA. I was in a prison cell and had no way to communicate with anyone.

“Sydney,” Irina gripped her daughter’s hand. “Get out before something like this happens to you. Get out before you’re trapped into a situation untenable and irreversible. I always wanted normal life for my daughter: love, marriage, children. I don’t want you like this.” She pulled at the bed with her handcuffed left wrist, shaking it. “Promise me, please.”

Sydney wanted to cry. Seeing her mother like this, hearing what happened to her in prison, and knowing what kind of life she led before walking in, almost was too much to bear. She was so empathetic. Then she remembered. “You told me I was the chosen one…not you. That means you saw the forty-seventh page of Rambaldi’s manuscript. Do you know what it means? Why am I the chosen one?

“I am not sure…I don’t to tell you what is to happen, because even I don’t know. If you are not connected with CIA, the prophecy may never come to be true.” Irina’s right hand gripped Sydney’s left arm tightly. “Sweetheart, I beg you, leave CIA. Marry your Michael Vaughn. If he wants to know about his father, he will have to ask me. I promise I will tell him the truth.” Irina had a feeling he would not ask. He was happy in his own misery.

“I’ll tell him. We’re going to Santa Barbara tomorrow night.”

Irina smiled because all at once Sydney seemed to be very happy. She felt pangs of sorrow in her heart. Jack was gone. She would be gone tomorrow. She doubted she would see either of them again. Prison for life or death by injection would be the choices given to the judge for her sentence. She would not go on trial. As before, she would plead guilty and wait the verdict.

“Well, then Mr. Vaughn had better find a way to see me soon before…” Her voice trailed away.

“I will,” Sydney tried to ignore the ‘before…’ “And Mom, everything will be all right. It will be better than you think.”

“You are the optimist in the family, Sydney. I’m sure your father doesn’t share the same feeling.”

Suddenly Sydney bent down and gave her mother a kiss. “Goodbye, Mom. I’ll be in tomorrow to see you…early, before they move you.”

“Goodbye, Sydney, I love you.” Irina watched her go, her right hand at her mouth, feeling the kiss. It had been so long since they had shared a similar moment…a very long time ago. “Please sweetheart, leave CIA before it is too late.” She whispered the words as tears rolled down her face. “Goodbye…”

*** FINI

Great job on these 'conversations'. Thanks for writing them.

wow... that was... wow. impressive performance here Lenafan ! I was gonna say "this is the best chapter", but when I think of it, no, it's not, because they are all as good, the whole fanfic is so perfect, coherent, well written !
I loved it, I'm almost on the verge of tears, so beautiful !

what a beautiful ending to a wonderful little story.
have you considered writing a sequel? becuase it's rather sad that it's over.
either way thanks for the pm's, and for writing another brilliant story!

A couple of good conversations, Lenafan. So, are you considering writing a sequel?

Hey thanks for the nice words. :D
I'm working on a couple of things, but no sequel to this. Sorry, :( but it was designed to be just a few small pieces of fiction tied together by circumstances of the moment. They are done.

B)

this was very moving

thank you

brenda

Excellent ending. Thanks for the pm.