This is a short story featuring Jack and Sydney with reference to his wife, her mother. It takes place soon after Reunion. Sydney has invited her dad home to her new apartment for dinner.
I CAN’T LET HER GO
Jack stood outside on the sidewalk, a bottle of wine under his arm, looking at the building. Sydney’s new apartment was in there. Weiss was her neighbor and told Jack he was helping her adjust. Jack was grateful for that and told him so. He wondered where she was, Irina. If circumstances had been different, he would be standing with her beside him. He shrugged off the momentary idiotic thought and walked up to the building toward Sydney’s door.
She opened it quickly after his knock. “Dad!” She gave him a hug and stood aside to let him inside, shutting the door. “Would you like a drink?”
“Yes, Scotch if you have it.”
She grinned, turning to the kitchen. “Water or soda?”
“Just a splash of water, please.” He turned and looked at the living room. Everything she owned had been destroyed in the fire two years ago when everyone thought she was dead. When she returned, he’d given her the money to buy furniture and items necessary to set up housekeeping again. She had managed to buy some very nice things with it. There were two burgundy cloth covered sofas facing a round oak coffee table on which resided a flower arrangement of fake yellow roses. A couple of magazines were on the table, some coasters, and a thick book. He glanced at the title, “The Sword and the Shield.” It was the secret history of the KGB. He’d read it when it was published. Irina was not mentioned.
Sydney had installed wine-colored drapes over the two windows facing west toward the ocean, a short block away. The carpeting was beige and new. She had a small television on a stand facing the kitchen. A large comfortable tapestry-covered chair also faced the television. He guessed she sat there when and if she had the time. Right now, they were working hard trying to learn what had happened to her during those two missing years.
Sydney brought his drink to him. She had a beer. “Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes. I thought we could talk.”
Jack sipped the Chivas. Sydney learned his tastes during the years they were close and especially after “she” arrived at the Center. Sometimes it was hard to think rationally about Irina. Twice she had betrayed him. However, he had anticipated this and was prepared to recapture her. It had not happened. He sighed.
Sydney glanced at him. “What’s wrong, dad?”
Jack took another sip. He held the glass between the fingers of both hands, studying the golden liquid. “I’ve never talked to you about your mother much, have I?”
“I’m not asking now.”
He smiled into the glass. “Yes, but these past two years have meant more to me than you know.” He sighed. “I saw her, you know, after your murder.”
“Here in L. A.?”
Jack shook his head. “No. I had to tell her about your death. She would eventually hear, but I wanted to tell her in person.” He leaned back against the sofa and stretched his legs out staring at the glass in his hand. “It took me three months to find her. She was in hiding from Sloane. He knew she had double-crossed him by telling you where to find him through Sark.”
Sydney waited. She knew he was dealing with some very real emotions. To have him talk to her about her mother without being angry was something new. She did not want to break the spell.
“We finally connected and met. I told her what happened,” he looked up at her. “She was devastated, almost collapsed. First, she thought it was Sloane, but I assured her he would never have done that and coming to her senses, she finally agreed. No, she said, he loves her too damn much. I wondered about that at the time.”
“I seriously doubt Arvin would kill me, but if he did he would not do it that way.” Sydney took a sip of her beer. “How was she?”
“Other than being devastated by your death, she looked wonderful.” He smiled and closed his eyes. “I saw her two more times before the NSC learned I was consorting with a known terrorist. Lindsey had me put in prison for that. Neither of us learned anything more about your death until I found the tape. I did not get a chance to share it with her.” He finished his drink.
“Do you want another?” He nodded. She stood up, went to the kitchen, poured another shot, and looked into the oven. “Dinner will be ready in ten.” She handed him the scotch.
He glanced out the window. The sun had set and it was getting darker. “I was so in love with her, so in love.”
Sydney could see his face soften in the darkening room. She reached behind her and turned on the lamp. She waited for him to continue. They had never talked about the marriage, at least not in this quiet retrospective way. She took another sip of her beer.
He sighed. “I truly believe we were soul mates. You can be wrong about many things, but I continued to believe it, even after she left. There were nights I thought that somewhere, sometime, I would meet her again, see her again, and love her again.”
“Did you have any idea she was The Man.” Sydney was referring to the first time she saw her mother after twenty years.
“No, I believed as everyone did, The Man was just that.” He sipped the Chivas. “When I saw her at the Center the first time, it was all I could do to keep myself coldly objective. We stared at one another. Somehow, we connected through that glass. We both said things, but the spark was still there.” He winced remembering. “I told her I’d kill her if she ever involved you in whatever she was planning.”
Sydney stared, but said nothing.
“I’m fifty-five and she’s fifty-four. By all rights, she and I should be living comfortably in a home here in Los Angeles. She should be a full professor and I, some kind of bureaucrat with the Company. Instead she’s on the run and I’m still a field agent trying to find out what happened to our daughter’s lost years.”
Sydney thought for a moment he was going to break down, but he held fast. She swallowed. “Dad, you still love her, don’t you?”
“Do you think I’m a fool?”
“No,” she put her hand on his. “Come, let’s eat.”
They took their seats at the table after Sydney put the serving dishes on the table. “She loves you too, dad, she told me so.”
He smiled wryly, “Yes, I know.” They ate in silence. When Jack was finished, he toasted Sydney with the rest of the wine in his glass. “You are a damned good cook. Your mother was not the best in the world, so it’s easy to see you didn’t take after her.”
“Well, I was only six when she left. I learned while I was in school, because Francie was a tremendous gourmet cook.” Sydney winced. Francie had been dead almost two and a half years.
Jack caught his daughter’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry about Francie. Will is still alive.”
“But not where I can see him, talk to him.” A tear escaped from the corner of her eye.
She has lost so much, Jack thought. Vaughn was married, Francie was dead and Will is far away in the witness protection program. Her mother disappeared for the second time. No one but me left and I’m no bargain. “You know, Sydney, you should be moving away from Vaughn. He’s married now.”
“I know, but, Dad, I love him so!”
“It’s not fair to him or Lauren. You could ask for a transfer back to Langley?”
She shook her head. “No, then I’d be all alone. You wouldn’t be there.”
He stared at the wineglass. “I guess we’ll just have to see one another more often. Let me take you out to dinner soon.”
“Why haven’t you moved on?” Sydney asked, thinking of her parents, one of whom seemed always absent.
“I can’t let her go, Sydney.” Shaking his head slightly, he stood up realizing he had let her see him in a different light. “I think I’d better go.” He stood up and walked to the door.
She understood. She went into his arms and hugged him a long time. She broke loose staring up into that wonderful, stern, now strangely softened face of a man she had not really known until they met at SD-6 so many years ago. Now they were drawn close by the loves they each had lost—his Irina, her mother—and her Vaughn.
Sydney handed him his coat. “Dad, I love you very much.” She kissed him. “Someday you’ll be with Mom, if what you say is true.”
He stared down at her, biting his lip, “I know. For some unexplained reason, I still love her. I can’t let her go.” He turned and walked away down the walk toward his car. Sydney let a tear run down her cheek as she slowly closed the door.
This is good, lenafan. Its nice to see Jack open up and show his vulnerability to Sydney. Thanks for the PM.
EspionageFan :ph43r:
that was really well done
a good "missing scene" as it were
i can feel the characters and that is a gift you have
keep it up and pm me anytime
aww that was such a sweet story, I really truly enjoyed that.