Ladies and Gentlemen, here is some of the news.

The US Army announced today that it was true that in the first part of the 1960's, they had performed LSD tests on human beings, which destroyed thier minds, however they have claimed that none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of Luitenant-Colonel.

A man who was attempting to walk around the world..... drowned today.

26 people were killed when 2 funeral Processions crashed into one another. Police say the casualty list does not include the 2 men who were already dead.

The ASPCA annouced today that they have filed a criminal complaint against a man who was keeping tropical fish in a moving blender. The man said it was true, but that he never turned the blender above mix. The ASPCA claims he's had it up to whip and puree several times.

A passenger shot 6 people on the downtown bus today, then asked for a transfer, and shot 6 people on the crosstown bus. In order to prevent this from happening in the future, authorities are discontinuing the transfer system.

Here are the results of the blind persons' golf tournament, they've just come in, the winner was Johnny Downing with 1829 strokes. Just enough to beat Larry Powell, who lost any chance he might have had after he took a 312 on the final hole. O.O

A 65 year-old woman was walking backwards from Winipeg to Rio....... when she was killed today when she was hit by a truck head-on from the rear. :wacko:

A small town in Tennessee, just downwind from a nuclear plant, believes it may have recieved some radiation. Everyone is dead and the trees are humming! O.O

A man who was attempting to circle the world in a hot-air balloon.........died today when he stepped out of the balloon to admire it from a distance. :D

A spokesperson for the Bush administration said that many dead people are really only sick and trying to collect illegal death benefits. :lol:

On the lighter side of the news, a couple who was celebrating thier 90th wedding anniversery today, died of shock at the beginning of a suprise party. O.O

Well,to kinda wind up the news tonight, though often so much death and tradgety, a man in Texas was arrested today for shooting and killing his wife, son, 2 daughters, his mother and father, all 4 of his grandparetns, his dog, his mailman, 3 neighbors, and a woman who works at the filling station. He claims he was just cleaning his gun when it suddenly went off! :lol: :blink: O.O

Now the Hippy Dippy weatherman with the weather.

Thank you Stan. The forcast for tonight......total darkness! Then in the morning hours..........widely scattered brightness! Back to you.

That's it for the news, ladies and gentlemen.

lol nice, i thought twas gonna b a real report im like wtf...

such tragedy.... :P

Why did you think it was in Useless Jibberish?

That was the lighter side? Ha ha ha.

It wasn't a murder.

america is so.. violent....

you should all join me and become hippies!

Hey, it happens :rolleyes:

But that many people? Guys, I have more pieces of news,but they might not be appropriate.

This news is just ridiculous!1!11 :P

woo! let's give it up for the Jibberish News! Awesome news report, Batman!