Okay! I found this hilarious comedian. Well i think hes pretty funnny but thats just my opinion, but i want to know wwhat other people think about him. Anyways...Ill put up some of his things....Well a couple of his things. And if you think its hilarious. Go to the nearest Best Buy or entertainment place where you get you DVDs at and buy it. Trust me...Everyone who i made watch the DVD absolulty loved him. So tell meh what you think! (But let meh tell you this you have to have a sense of humor!)
OKAY! It has a lot of bad language....So i hope you will forget about it....<<; Hopefully?!
Drowning In the Abyss!?
Nobody likes drowning. Its the worst when you think you are! Cause like during the summer. Your at a pool party and your like,
"Im going to go in the deep in! Watch my dive! Watch my dive!",
but once you dive in your like -Dives in the pool- the second you get to the bottom of the pool your like,
"GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! WHERES THE SURFACE!!!"
And you always come up under the kid thats on the raft!
"GAHH...UGHH.....JEASUS CHRIST TIMMY!!....DO NOT FLOAT ABOVE ME WHEN I'M DROWNING IN THE ABYSS!!! Float away...float away!"
Following the signs.
Okay get this. Im driving. As im driving. Im driving safely. Im obaying the rules of the road. Whatever sign comes at meh. I look at it and go,
"Otay! You got it sign!"
So right im drivng safely. All of a sudden this guy in another lane totally oblivious to meh. He starts coming into my lane. Just COMING IN!! If i didnt see him coming in accident, but sense i saw him. I say,
"HEY!!"
I see I assess the situation. I see I assess the -In a French accent- situuatioon!. I eased on the breaks. As hes coming i ease on the breaks and i say what anybody else says in here. It comes out automaticly. You just cant help it. Here it is...
"Umm Hello...Ummm hi?"
Unless your black.
"Check out this motha fucker! check him out!"
If you chinese -Makes a sudden car stopping noise and then another noise of two cars crashing- Thats....Thats nice...
Public Restrooms.
I had to use the public restrooms. Isnt it the worst when you have too? You walk in and heres the first thing you see. -Laughs- Why is everything fucking wet? Puddles on the counter, water dripping from the ceiling. What happened did a shaggy dog go in there after a bath? And god forbid you have to use the stall. You go in there. You try to sit down, but apperantly Van Dann kicked in! Why are they all broken? Whos running in and yelling,
"I gotta shit!"
-Kicks the stall door a couple of times-
"I cant sit when the door is infront of meh!"
-Kicks its again while siting down-
"Fucking door! I dun like to be in a perfect square when i shit!"
-Kicks the door one last time and it falls to the right-
"Perfect now i can shit!"
On the jon.
So your sitting there right? And you start reading all the ignorite shit that people put up there! Its all around you so you read it AND its not just written in pencil. Oh no its fucking carved in there! Who is carving on the toilet? who is so pissed off while theyre -Makes a fart noise-
"GOD DAMN JEWS!"
-Makes another farting noise-
"GAH BLACKS!"
And this is my favorite. You always see "Mike was here" And then somebody else writes an arrow and says, "Mike is a faggot!" Like Mike ish coming back to check it out?!
"What the f**k is this? I was here but im not a faggot!! IM trying to make a statement here!"
-Tries to erase it-
Theres always a girls number. There always a girls number! Does anybody ever fucking call?
"How did you meet you wife Jon?"......
"I was taking a crap"
Hmm....Well....?