Jo Guerrera: Hello homeboys and homegirls, and welcome to a big night of ASWF Carnage! We've split off
from the ASWF Fight Friday tyrants, and we're here to give the fans what they want. I'm not sure who'll
be my co-commentator... (Music plays and the titan-tron fires up)... but I think we're about to find out!

The cameras backstage see a limousine approaching slowly. It stops, and Chris Walker-Bush gets out! He looks
as if he's coming towards the ring!

Jo Guerrera: Here's the man of the hour (Walker-Bush reaches the ring) Wonder what he's got to say?
Chris: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ASWF Carnage! (Roar of approval) We're here
for you, the fans. We know how tired you all are of ASWF Fight Friday- so we've brought you what you
want! Tonight we've got a Tag Title match and a World Title match for you! As for me, I'll be commentating
next to our good friend, Jo Guerrera.
Jo Guerrera: Welcome to the big seat sir.
Chris: It's good to be here. Let's kick things off with a match between Hurricane Helms CM and Cometshark!


Hurricane Helms CM vs Cometshark : Mauler slams Hurricane Helms CM. Hurricane Helms CM powers out of a Cometshark headlock. Hurricane Helms CM strikes Mauler. Cometshark charges, Helms moves, and the referee is conveniently placed to get knocked out. Back heel kick off the second rope, Mauler goes down. Cover, but there's no one to count for Hurricane Helms CM. Mauler powers out of a headlock. Running knee lift from Cometshark. Spear by Cometshark. Cover for a two count. Lifting DDT by Cometshark, looked good. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Cometshark misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Lightning kick by Helms on Mauler. Pin, but Mauler is out just before the three count. Mauler counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Hurricane Helms CM can barely stand. Here it comes - Death Roll. 1....2...3, it's finished. Cometshark slides to the outside and grabs a chair, then climbs back into the ring. Helms turns around...and gets planted with a huge chair shot to the head! He is left down and out on the canvas.

We're backstage after that big match, and we see Gorgeous George watching the action on a monitor . The camera zooms out to find Wifebeater, who approaches Gorgeous George with a lecherous look in his eyes.
George (Noticing him): Oh, ah… hi.
Wifebeater: Hey baby. You’ve got the whitest teeth I’ve ever had the pleasure to come across…..
George: What? (Looks worried)
Wifebeater: Um…. If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
George: God no, leave me alone! (She goes to leave, but Wifebeater grabs her)
Wifebeater: Hey missy, I’m trying to get some nettin’ here. Is your Daddy a baker? Coz you’ve got nice buns! (He chuckles and slaps her ass)
George: Get away from me! (Steve Simmons rounds the corner and sees what’s going on)
Steve: What the hell is going on here?
Wifebeater: Uh, nothing. I was just…. (He turns and runs, and Simmons goes to chase. George holds him back)
Steve: Did he hurt you sugar-doll?
George: No, and you don’t need to get suspended on the first night. You want him? I’ll get him in the ring for you. (She leaves)

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

We find Wifebeater in his locker room, he’s reading a book entitled ’1001 Pickup Lines’. Gorgeous George enters.
Wifebeater: I knew they’d work. Mumma guaranteed these would work.
George: Save it. I’m here to request a match…
Wifebeater: Well sure pretty lady. Bikini? Lingerie? I’ll do anything to get up against your hot, sweaty body!
George: Not against me you idiot! Against Steve Simmons… tonight!
Wifebeater: What’s in it for me?
George: How about a date with me on next week’s show?
Wifebeater: You’d better like spare ribs girl, coz you’re gonna be eating them off my ripped chest!
George leaves.

Out in the ring, Jelly Adams has set up some sort of welcome ceremony. He has a table of food laid out, and a few staff members are milling around uncomfortably.
Jo Guerrera: What’s going on here?
Chris: I’m in the dark on this one. I never booked any parties, and Jelly’s not supposed to appear until later…

Jelly: Ladies and gentlemen- I’m sure you’re all ecstatic that your World Champion chose to come to this two bit show rather than stay where fame and fortune beckoned on Fight Friday! Not only that, but my arch-nemesis Wizard 1o1 crawled across after me.

Chris: I should point out that Wizard 1o1 was the first to sign with Carnage.

Jelly: And I had a look at the roster tonight and I just have to say ‘What the @#%$?’. There is about as much talent on this show as there is in N’Sync. One decent singer, and a lot of crap. And just so you know, I’m the decent singer. I’m the Justin Timberlake of ASWF Wrestling!

Jo Guerrera: You’ve got to be kidding…

Jelly: So, if Chris Walker-Bush can’t recruit any talent, I guess I’ll have to take it on myself to do it. So, without further ado, may I welcome… Ebessan!
(Music hits and a man dressed in some kind of clown garb dances into the ring)

Jo Guerrera: Oh my God! It’s Ebessan from Osaka Wrestling!
Chris: I don’t recall authorizing any signings in the past week. (He gets up and enters the ring) Jelly, Jelly, Jelly. I had trouble with you back in the day, and it seems you haven’t changed.
Jelly: Why change? You can’t improve on perfect. (He high fives Ebessan)
Chris: Be that as it may, I approve the signings around here. Ebessan here may be a brilliant wrestler, but he’s going to have to prove it.
Jelly: Of course.
Chris: So, how about we make tonight’s World Title match triple threat? You, Wizard, and Ebessan!
Jelly: (Looks shocked) What? You can’t do that! He hasn’t earnt a title shot!
Ebessan: (Seizes the mike) You don’t think I deserve it?
Jelly: No, I mean… yes! It’s not…. God damn it. Alright! He gets a shot!
Chris: As always, you’re a fearless competitor Jelly.
Jelly: Screw you Walker! (He and Ebessan storm out)

Gay Pride vs The Sparrow Brothers (For The ASWF Tag Titles) : Flying elbow from Michael Sparrow. Aaron counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Driven DDT by Aaron the Cheerleader. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Tag to Trent Da Flight Attendant. Rude Awakening on Michael Sparrow by Trent. Trent Da Flight Attendant with a spinning neckbreaker on Michael Sp. Michael Sp kicks Trent Da Flight Attendant in the gut to reverse the momentum. Hard back suplex on Trent. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Tag between Michael Sparrow and Jason Sparrow. Jason hits a massive spinning kick to the jaw. Hard back suplex on Trent. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Trent kicks Jason Sparrow in the gut to reverse the momentum. Back elbow connects, Jason staggers backward. Trent tags out to Aaron the Cheerleader. Tiger suplex on Jason, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Spin kick by Aaron the Cheerleader to the face. Jason Sparrow is all alone...Howdy Sailor!! 1....2....3! The fight has started up again! Gay Pride attacks The Sparrow Brothers, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting.

Jo Guerrera: What a dominant display from the tag champions.
Chris: Definitely. We were so stoked to get them back after ASWF Old School broke up.

The titan-tron fires up, and begins to play a video. The video shows highlights of Ebessan’s past career, as well as mixing in clips of past Jelly vs. Wizard 1o1 matches.

Wifebeater vs Steve Simmons : Wifey bodyslams Steve Simmons. Tank gets slammed onto a trash can, squashing it. Flying shoulder tackle by Wifey sends Tank to the mat. Rude Awakening on Steve Simmons by Wifey. Steve Simmons elbows Wifebeater in the face to break a hammerlock. Chair shot. Spinebuster by Steve Simmons. There's a two count on the pin. Wifey reverses a Steve Simmons hammerlock. Tank gets hit with a huge clothesline. Hooks the leg for a two count. Lifting DDT by Wifebeater, executed well. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Tank reverses a waistlock. Tank hits a right hand. Steve Simmons misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Back elbow connects, Tank staggers backward. Gorgeous George has climbed up onto the apron! Wifey turns...and falls for the distraction! Steve Simmons runs at Wifey from behind...but misses! Steve Simmons collides with Gorgeous George! Steve Simmons can barely stand. Here it comes - Choke F'n Bomb. 1....2...3, it's finished. Tank and George put the boots to Wifebeater, stomping away on him.

We find Wizard 1o1 backstage with interviewer, Justin McIntyre.
Justin: Here we are with Wizard 1o1. Wizard, you’ve got a big World title match against Jelly Adams and now Ebessan has been thrown into the mix. How are you feeling about the match?
Wizard: How am I feeling? What kind’ve stupid question is that? I’m feeling like I feel before every match. Confident with a capital C. And how are you feeling Mr. McIntyre?
Justin: (Goes to speak)
Wizard: Don’t answer that! I know exactly how you’re feeling. Gay with a capital G. Or is it horny with a capital H. I saw how excited you got after Trent and Aaron’s match. Tell you what, I know the guys well, how about I organize a meeting for you. A ménage a trios as it were?
Justin: I don’t….
Wizard: Just give me the mike and get out’ve my face.
Justin: OK (Hands the mike over and leaves)
Wizard: Jelly, you’ve been pissing me off for years. You think you can scare me away from the World title by bringing one of your bum-buddies into the ASWF? You think I’m afraid of some washed up, talentless, no-nothing wrestler? Hell no! I’m going to get into that ring tonight, and I’m going to beat the piss out’ve two of you. You said you were the Justin Timberlake of the ASWF? Well, you’d better Cry me a River tonight!

Ebessan vs Jelly Adams vs Wizard1o1 (For The ASWF World Title) : Ebessan hits some punches. Wizard walks into a high dropkick from Ebessan. Jelly reverses a waistlock. Fallaway slam by Jelly Adams. Super frankensteiner on Jelly, who hit hard. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Rude Awakening on Wizard1o1 by Ebessan. Ebessan only gets knees on a splash. Jelly \ Wizard hook up Ebessan, then hit a double suplex. Brutal powerbomb on Ebessan. Pin : 1 - 2- 3. Jelly defeats Ebessan. Jelly hits a stump piledriver on Wizard1o1. Wizard counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Shining Wizard on Jelly, Wizard really laid that one in. Cover for a two count. Jelly kicks Wizard1o1 in the gut to reverse the momentum. Massive backbreaker, Wizard got planted. Early reports indicate that the back was *not* actually broken, so the move's name should actually be backhurter. Sharpedo comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Wizard1o1 turns around.... Sharpbuster!!! That shook the ring. Sharpedo leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three. Jelly Adams pinned Wizard.

Jo Guerrera: Jelly Adams cheated!
Chris: What else is new?
Jo Guerrera: He can’t do that! He should’ve lost!
Chris: Don’t worry about it, I’ll see to it that both Jelly and Luke are punished next week….

SHOW ENDS

Written by Chris-Walker Bush