The Card

DJ U-Neek has become the ASWF Champion. Can he defend his crown in a match against Ian 'Grappler' Gorton?

Trent 'The Ox' Bowman clashes with Sean 'The Assassin' Lawrence for the Pacific Title

The Beef throws down the gauntlet to an open challenge

Sir Quincy Penfold III vs. Big Pete for #1 World Title contendership

(Wildcard by Pennywise hits in the arena and out comes an unfamiliar bulky punky looking guy to very little fanfare, he walks slowly up the stairs then stands in the middle of the ring, then stares into space for what seems like eternity with the most determined of looks then all of a sudden he smiles and bows to the crowd)

Wildcard: Hello fans of ASWF and soon to be fans of me, The Wildcard. I am the secret identity, the brand new entity, if you want personality? i got plenty. my name is Chris Karizma and im the wildcard of this poorly ran federation, thats right, a federation with mickey mouse champions, unattractive managers, a federation that visits such shitty towns as Newcastle (crowd boos). Man the ASWF is so lacking in talent so i am here to save the ASWF, and by this i immediately have to go for the top guy in the ASWF and no i dont mean that Make Believe champion DJ U-Stink, i wanna take on the owner of the ASWF Chris Walker Bush. ive sat at hom e and watch you destroy this once great wrestling show, ive come to make things right and Chris ive come to take you out. (crowd boos) oh come on guys, you know you love me, im the king of sting, the man of the hour, too sweet to be sour and im here to bring this thread back to its glory days when we didnt have idiots like Ian Gorton running around (crowd boos). Ok guys ive had enough of shitty newcastle, im going back to the Gold Coast where we have these things called dentists, you guys should look into it, that means you there bleeding gums in the front row (crowd boos) good night its been your pleasure...

(Wildcard poses a bit and then leaves the ring)

Ian Gorton is backstage being interviewed

REPORTER: Ian Gorton tonight you have a golden opportunity to achive the ulitmate in Wrestling. You have a shot at World Heavyweight Title. can I get your thoughts?

IAN: Well first of all it seems that I've finally made THE IMPACT and the powers at be have finally given me a shot at the top, but it seems I have to go through Unick in order to get it, and if I have to I will well and truly get out of control. DJ U-Neek when you get into the ring with The Grappler tonight you not gonna know what hit you. Cuz I'm gonna do anything to ensue that at the end of the match the ring announcer will be declaring the New World Heavyweight Champion, Ian Gorton.

REPORTER: Also after what happened in your match last week, do you think Trent Bowman will get involved?

IAN: I would not put anything past that prick. But hey just a little warning to you OX. If you stick your nose in my business, I'll be more than ready for ya'

Ian then walks off

The scene opens in the ring, where two lower card wrestlers are fighting in a match with little importance. Suddenly, the lights go out. The crowd falls into an eery silence. About 10 seconds later, lighting booms through the PA system, and flashes can be seen on the screen.

Commentator: What in gods name is happening, I dont like the looks of this....what the...

The screen flashes more quickly, and in time pictures of a man in a straight jacket in the corner of a padded room are shown, in between lightning flashes. This continues for about 20 seconds, until the screen goes completely black. Then the following can be heard over the PA system...

"You thought he was gone...you thought it was over...revenge is a bitch...True evil never dies"

Suddenly a massive boom can be heard, and "suburban Legend" by Mareko blasts througout the arena. Flashes of lightning seem to be hitting the entire arena, as a man, draped in what appears to be mental assylum uniform, that is white pants and a ripped white strait jacket begins to make his way down to ringside. Slowly but surely he passes down the runway, the wrestlers in the ring in total dissaray...

Commentator: What the...what the hell...thats...thats Sean Lawrence...thats the Assassin...but I thought he had been locked up...hes a murderer dammit...he killed his brother...what the hells he doing here? Where's security? Wheres the god damn security?

He walks up the stairs and enters the ring. The lights fade back on, and the crowd goes nuts as they see the man they formally knew as The Assassin standing in the ring, apparently escaped from the mental instution. He stares deep into the eyes of the fearful wrestlers in the ring. Suddenly, one tries to attack him. The man picks him up above his head and tosses him over the top rope into the barracade, he thyen advances to the other, untill he is trapped in the turnbuckle corner. The attempts to shield off the Assassin do little, as the wrestler is picked up and destroyed with a deadly Jackhammer. The wrestler is out cold. The Assassin then picks him up and tosses him outside. He calls for a mic, and begins to address the shell shocked crowd...

"I know alot of you think you know me...Alot of you thought you had gotten rid of me...Well guess what...TRUE EVIL NEVER DIES!...A couple of months ago, I was forced into a match by Chris Walker Bush...a match where I was forced to subsequently beat my brother...my own flesh and blood...to a brutal and agonizing death...I was deemed Not sane, and thrown into an assylum where CWB though he could get rid of me...he thought the problem was done and dusted...well guess what...IM BACK!"

Crowd goes nuts...

"What you just saw, was an example of the agression and pain I have suffered, emotionally and physically, and CWB...I want to take it all out on YOU!..."

Crowd goes nuts again...

"I want you to come out here and face me like a man...so I can do to you what you forced me to do to my brother...and until you do, I will keep destroying the roster, one by one, until I get my hands on you!"

Crowd goes wild...

"And just so you know, my name isn't The Assassin anymore...call me CARNAGE!"

The crowd goes crazy as the scene fades to a commercial...

*After watching tonights show on a monitor backstage for the last 20 minutes the Pacific Champion, Trent 'The Ox' Bowman, runs into an interviewer in his backstage travels*


Interviewer: Hey hows it goin?

Trent: Good mate good, whats happenin??

Interviewer: Not a lot, me and my friend here were just discussing, the promo not only of the man who beat you down with a steel chair last week, Ian 'The Grappler' Gorton, and the man, who now wants to be called CARNAGE who happens to be your opponent tonight.

Trent: Yeah I saw em both on the monitor mate, that CARNAGE guy, couldn't be more of a loony if he tried to be, well, after tonight, he will be begging to be taken back to the asylum and his little cage where he belongs, the guy has nothing, not a marble in his head, and he calls himself true evil?

Trent: Let me tell you something CARNAGE, true evil, is nothing compared to what im prepared to go through to keep this belt where it has been for so long, im the longest reigning Pacific Champion in the history of this company, and I plan on being for a long time to come, so you had better bring all the evil you can muster custer, because your going to need it to get this away from me.........

Interviewer: What do you think about Ian Gorton, saying he is ready, for any possible retribution you might have planned after last weeks attack?

Trent: Gorton Schmorton.....he forgets that he is going up against one of my best friends tonight, the same guy, that is the Current ASWF World Champion, Dj U-Neek, I need no retribution save for the beating that Dj is going to hand out to that assclown tonight, but just incase, by some modern day miracle, you happen to get the upperhand in that bout tonight Crappler, I do have something planned, and it wont be something that you will expect, I can tell you this, because, it is something, that, until now, will have never occured in this company before, and thats all Im gonna say about it.

*As the cameras trail back to the arena, The Ox is seen laughing with the stagehands loudly*

**The crowd are subdued when all of a sudden Headstrong - Trapt hits the arena and the crowd go mental as newly crowned champion Dj U-Neek head down to the ring, taking his time, he stops to high five and pose for the fans... he slides into the ring with title firmly in the air... he has a mic... the crowd quiet down for the champion**

Dj U-Neek: NEWCASTLE ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE, MAKE SOME MUTHERFUCKIN NOISE!!

**crowd errupt in a "D-J" Chant before going quiet again for Dj to speak**

Dj U-Neek: Last week... On Edge, i completed my dream... all my life i have dreamed about being champion, i came close soo many times only to be denied, put simply it wasnt my time yet... Well, now its my time and IM PUMPED UP!

**crowd cheer as Dj chuckles to himself**

Dj U-Neek: Last week i told you all i would END brandells reign, and here i stand, a week latter, as champion, and where is Brandell? No where to be seen... But now ive achieved that goal ive gotta new goals, so imma lay it out for you all, tonight i set 2 new goals, goal number 1, to break the record for longest title reign and number 2, im gonna do it by defendin my title more times than anyone before me... tonight i start with... **asks annoucer who he has tonight** What? Ian Gorton? the same Ian whom ive whooped countless times previously? with that Miss Devine skank who makes Kristy look wholesome? GEEZUS! They are scraping the barrell tonight!

**crowd being to go into histerics**

Dj U-Neek: No no no. Dont laugh at that, i didnt mean that, honestly Ian i didnt mean that... what i ment to say, is tonight, it will be a really tough match, Miss Devine is very very nice and ill be lucky to escape with my title intact... ohh who am i kidding, TONIGHT! Infront of all the U-Neek freaks, once all the dust has settle, and all smoke has cleared, and the tables have been turned, Dj U-Neek will be standing in the ring, still champion, standing over you Ian Gorton, who will still be my bitch, gazing blankly at Miss Devine as she looks up at me with eyes of desire, who will still be silver coin SLUT!

**crowd being to go into histerics again**

Dj U-Neek: NOW LETS MAKE SOME FUCKIN NOISE UP IN HERE!

** Dj's Music plays as he poses on each turn buckle for the fans around the arena**

Will try and get results up tonight or tomorrow. Have been working the past few days, which has limited my net time.

SQP3 is in quite a dancy mood as he walks into the theatre accompanied by none other then the Earl of Kensington, Lord Floralfinger.

SQP3:Ah, the air is clear and with the full backing of Penfold's Moustache Emproium, there is nothing that can stop this young pebble come boulder from rolling up hill!!

Earl of Kensingtopn:Oh you say!

SQP3:Not sure what M finsiher shall be tonight...perhaps we will see the emergence of a new variation of my....Bi-ON-IC ELBOW! or perhaps we might see a bionic HIP-toss or even a Bi-on_IC arm DRAG!

EOK:talking of drag....did you see Large Petes last interview...KA-FAW KA-FAW!

SQP3:oh Earl, you are too much! OH I SAY!

The two continue along the hallway, even doing a little jig before going off camera...

UNFORTUNATELY this heart wrenching and compelling promo will be followed by the very boring..........

Pete is standing infront of the ASWF logo looking keen to get express his thoughts and feelings for tonights show

Big Pete: Quincy, last week you beat me. Last week you actually climbed a ladder and beat me fair and square. Last week you had your arm raised and last week you were the winner. However now it's this week and this week I am leaving this arena with the No.1 Contendership in place and I will take on U-Neek.

*Crowd starts to boo*

Big Pete: Don't think I forgot U-Neek the record stands as 1-1 and once I'm through with this immature spoilt and pathetic has been in Quincy I will verse you and this time I will have my hand lifted. It's funny U-Neek we were once tag team partners with your girl friend Kristy, wasn't life great? However you let your ambitions and personal problems get in your way. You knew Kristy was a slut but you always persisted and always persisted and never gave up hope until it was too late. It's funny how the fans are exactly the same, how much they love you, how they would never leave you then BAM! You're left to make corny jokes about them. So DJ, my former buddy, I got respect for you however you've changed you care too much about these pathetic Newcastle fans and with that I no longer respect you. We'll meet in two weeks until then, have a nice day.

*Lights start to fade as Pete walks out of the room until camera fades to black*

As we come from a commercial break, Beef is seen in his locker room, and as always, is "warming up".

Reporter Beef have you any idea who you are facing tonight?
Beef Not really, no. I have my ideas but.
Reporter How do you prepare yourself mentally for something like this?
Beef Same as any other match. Rito im off to wrestle, shitface so ill see you later.

Beef walks off towards the ring. Eye of the Tiger hits as Beef walks down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope. The announcer does know who to call. Beef snatches the mic.

Beef Ok everyone. Obviously no-one has the guts to come out on their own accord, so im taking it into my own hands. Johnny Law, you bribing son of a bitch, get your ass out here!

Beef throws down the mic and stares up the ramp....

Match One- The Beef vs. Johnny Law
This is a non title bout, and marks the debut of Johnny Law. The fans are firmly behind the hardcore champion for this one, and he doesn't seem at all impressed by Law on his debut. In fact, Beef dominates for much of the match, with his only offence being underhanded eye gouges and low blows. He begins to gain the upper hand when he focusses all of his attack on Beef's injured right knee. The crowd begins to chant for the champ, and he really starts to fire up. Law looks set to pick up a dirty win with a rollup with his feet on the ropes, but Beef rolls free and, as Law stumbles to his feet, hits the Beef Buster! 1-2-3! It's over. Beef's accounted for Johnny Law on debut!
WINNER: The Beef by pinfall after 9:43

The Beef is still wounded from the work done on his knee, and Johnny Law gets a chair from ringside as Beef celebrates. He cracks Beef across the back of the knee with it! The Beef drops, and Johnny Law repeatedly crushes Beef's knee with the chair! The crowd boo like crazy as Law cockily poses over Beef.

Match Two - Trent 'The Ox' Bowman © vs. Sean 'Carnage' Lawrence for the Pacific Title
The crowd go nuts for Bowman when he comes out, but go silent as Carnage makes his return to ASWF television. Bowman looks intense as Lawrence enters the ring, and there's certainly no time for pleasantries as Lawrence opens things with a headbutt to the champion. Obviously there's no lingering friendship from their time in the LUF together. Lawrence dominates early on with his ruthless attack, focussing on Bowman's neck with some downright gruesome looking offensive moves. Bowman is sent to the outside with an overhead belly to belly suplex, and he pauses a moment to regather himself after the intial onslaught from Lawrence.

He tentatively gets back in the ring, and when Lawrence rushes across the ring to him, takes out Carnage's knee with a diving tackle. This allows him to get some control for himself, and the champion begins to show his true colours with a dominant performance of his own. After two near falls Bowman looks ready to finish things off, but Lawrence slides from the ring. Bowman rushes out to follow him, and is hit with a chair! That chair is getting some use tonight! The referee calls for the DQ as Lawrence locks in the Chain Reaction! The bell rings continually, but Lawrence doesn't relinquish the hold until security drag him away from a badly beaten champ.
WINNER: Trent 'The Ox' Bowman by DQ after 14:17

More to come!

OOC:Hmm The rest of the results are still pending

Hence the 'more to come' bit...

Sir Quincy Penfold the Third is reclining gracefully in his box high above the ring.despite the two yawnfests he has witnessed, he is convinced that his certain to be splenidid performance will rock the sloth like fans into a euphoric state of jubulation. He is sipping his usual pre-match super-concoction of earl grey tea.

SQP3:AHHHHHHH, the sweet SWEET suds of Mr grey! Oh I SAY! what a good drop indeed! The divine nature of its ev-E-RY droplet! Not like that horrid belch of a man, large pete! He is not Fi-INE at all!

SQP3 does a very small 2 second stretch of his right index finger.

SQP3:RIGHT, thats all the warming up that should be recquired to dispatch of this discombulated dingleberry of a doughnut. OH I SAY!

Earl of Kensington:Ka-FAW!

SQP3:(looking serious) Now down to the business at hand, I need to have 9,000 blonde handlebar moustaches in helsinki by 0300 for the oofgard ceremony!!

SQP3 paces the room and looks very thoughtful indeed....

unfortuntely this fine, creative and utterly spectacular promo is followed by the lacklustre and completely without charisma of..........[I][B][/B][B]

(Johnny Law approaches the ring hopping. He makes a show of hopping on each leg individually on his way to the ring while footage plays on the screen behind him of Beef being stretchered backstage. When he gets to the ring he climbs in and stands absolutely still for thirty seconds before impatiently shouting to the announcers)

JL: Are one of you jackasses going to give me a microphone or do I have to do this with sign language.

(Announcer Graham Thompson grabs a mike then scurries towards the ring. When he gets there Law says something only he can hear and Mike hurries back and gets a second microphone for an improvised interview)

JL: Sorry old fellow but I make it a point to ignore the names of anyone less important than me so you might like to introduce yourself. Speak nice and loud into the mike and don’t ask me stupid questions.

(Unprepared for this, he pauses to think up some questions. Law taps his watch impatiently at Thompson so he begins.)

GT: Well mr Law how does it feel to have tasted your first loss in the ASWF.

JL: If you want to ask stupid questions at least I can give the people some intelligent answers. And you still didn’t introduce yourself, ill just call you jackass for now. Firstly Kudos to cattle, it’s always a disappointing situation when a heroic young wrestler like myself is defeated on debut. But at the same time few wrestlers face a current hardcore champ in their debut bout. This loss may mean my star will take a little longer to rise but soon enough I will be dominating the ASWF skies. But why be negative when you can look at the positives I came out of the match completely unscathed except for a little mat burn on my left elbow. Beef on the other hand may have a little trouble with squats for the next month or two. If you want to be realistic about it, two thirds of wrestlers who retire early in their careers usually do so because of recurring knee injuries. For me this was just a loss against a more experienced wrestler, this early in my career I can write it off as a learning experience. If our positions were reversed and my knee was in ice right now id count it more of a loss. Next question Jackass.

GT: Do you think Beef will come after you after your treatment on his knee.

JL: Not until they fit him up for a wheelchair Jackass. And didn’t I ask for intelligent questions. Your dismissed.

(Thompson tries to object but Law grabs his mike and throws it into the crowd.)

JL: Fetch Jackass. Now we’re rid of Bozo the clown you can hear me speak without inferior interruptions. Beef your name holds little meaning for me. You see, my father owned forty thousand head of prime cattle. So the name beef just makes you seem trivial and part of the herd. But being a “respected member of the ASWF wrestling roster” I will impart upon you a name of more significance. When I was barely out of diapers I was given a calf to care for. This calf, I named Clarabell. And because I think of you as being no higher on the evolutionary ladder than cattle you too shall be affectionately labeled Clarabell. (long pause) Clarabell, I’m sure you want revenge. The sad thing is I won’t grant you that shot unless it is on my terms.

(As Johnny Law leaves the ring the moomoo land song by Jumba starts to play.)

Eye of the Tiger hits as Beef struggles to walk out to the ring, his knee heavily bandaged. He throws his crutches into the ring and steps through the ropes after them, picking up a mic on the way through.

Beef Johhny, Johnny, Johnny. Beef shakes his head You, a newcomer to the business, have the nerve to come in here and start bossing people around? Of all people, you're bossing me, the Hardcore Champ around? Now Johnny, the other night On Edge, I had to call you out here to the ring. You came down to the ring, in your debut match and had your ass handed to you on a silver platter. Then, you take out your frustration by cheap-shotting me with my back turned? Now clearly this has to say something about your wrestling ability. You get dirty, and still lose. Now you seem to think you can run the show? Saying that a rematch must be on your terms? Surely, as Champion, I shouldnt have to put up with taking orders from a newbie? IM the title holder. IM the one with his hand raised in the air. IM the one that makes the rules. I dont need instant revenge. Next PPV, I will get revenge, and it will be on my terms, or no-ones at all. You want the title? Come get it, in a Hardcore Cage Match!! That is, as long as Mr Walker Bush approves.

Beef throws down the mic and struggles back up the ramp.

Hmmmm, has how booker gone MIA?

*In character*

Pete: Ian why does it matter we all know infront of all these fans you're going to lose why speed up the process?

Will have results up tonight (and a new card) - guaranteed. Just let me work through this hangover

Match Three - Sir Quincy Penfold III vs. Big Pete for #1 Contendership
The two long time enemies waste no time in getting down to business, with Pete spitting in Penfold's face. Penfold doesn't take this lying down, and one slap later, he hooks up Pete for a solid belly to back suplex. The two brawl on the mat for a while, throwing blind punches, before Penfold is able to get to his feet. He levels Pete with a solid kick to the jaw, and then locks in a Fujiwara armbar that has Pete screaming and the crowd roaring.

Pete scrambles to the ropes and the hold is broken. Penfold takes a moment to explain his thoughts on the decision to the ref, and Pete takes him out with a shot to the knee. He then drags Penfold to the outside and whips him into the stairs! Pete takes time out to insult the crowd, and walks around right into a big chop from old school Penfold. Pete retaliates with one of his own, blocked by Quincy, and then followed up with a hard lariat. Pete's down, and Penfold is back in control.

Things continue in this vein, with Penfold clearly in control, but Pete's nefarious plotting allowing him to stay in the match. It looks as good as over, however, when Penfold manages to counter an attempted high impact move with a shot to the stomach. He hooks Pete up for a suplex, but he slides out the back and shoves Penfold forward into the referee! The ref goes down, and whilst Penfold have the presence of mind to turn around and hit a suplex on Pete, there's nobody there to count the 1-2-3. Penfold attempts to help the fallen referee up....Pete clobbers him with a chair! As the ref gets to his feet Big Pete picks up Penfold and hits the TOMBSTONE!
1-2-3!
WINNER and #1 Contender: Big Pete

Match Four - DJ U-Neek © vs. Ian 'Grappler' Gorton for the ASWF World Title
U-Neek starts off this match by shaking Gorton's hand, but the challenger clearly doesn't respect the champion, levelling him with a clothesline! U-Neek stands up, dusts himself up, shoots a cheeky look to the crowd, and then returns in kind. Gorton stumbles back into the ropes, rebounds, and walks right into a Turntable!

1

2

NO! Big Pete has dragged DJ U-Neek out of the ring! U-Neek begins to fight back, but Pete whips him into the security barrier. He's set him up for the Tombstone.... WHAM! He's levelled the champion! In the ring Gorton has stumbled to his feet, and the referee (somewhat insanely) awards him the match by countout despite the blatant interference.
WINNER: Ian 'Grappler' Gorton by countout after 2:55

*Pete is seen walking quickly out of the arena as Chris interviews him*

Pete: WOOO dreams do come true?...IanG defeated DJ U-Neek what a match Ians finest effort. Also Chris what did you think of my latest master piece? "A Bloody Fogey in the middle of a ring"? Superb I thought. DJ see you in 2 weeks buddy.

*Pete gets into the car and drives off*

OOC: Whooohoo. Nice to get a win against DJ, but if I remember rightly you can't win the title by count out

You are correct. The belt still remains around the well sculpted waist of DJ U-Neek, lol

OCC hmmm. pete aye, ill sort that cheeky bastard out :D