:::Over the TitanTron comes the logo of the one and only Huge Hefner, “Lets Get It On” by Marvin Gaye plays over the PA system as “Sexual Chocolate” appears, wearing a black robe and a black cowboy hat…the robe is parted and you can see Hefner’s wrestling attire beneath. The crowd responds with a mixture of boos and wild uncontrollable screams. Screams from the female section and boos from the male section. A chant from the player hater men starts up drowning out the women…..Hefner Sucks – Hefner Sucks – Hefner Sucks. Hefner struts to the ring ever so arrogantly. Once inside he grabs a mic and struts around waiting for the chants to die down:::

Commentator Jerry “The King” Lawler: (sarcastically) Wow JR, Hefner really is a fan favourite.
Commentator JR: Yes King, I’ve never seen a wrestler in all my time receive such a response, whether bad or good, in such a short period of time.

King: I tell ya JR, I love this guy! Look at all the female fans he brings to the arena. Its like the playboy mansion in here.

:::Hefner raises the mic to his mouth:::

Hefner: Man its great to be here in Chicago…..This city has got to home to the most beautiful women in the woooooorld!!

:::More screams from the women:::

Hefner: But, not only are they beautiful….they are so caring and unselfish….bringing along their their redneck uncles with no teeth and their brothers who lets just say were dropped on their heads as babies.

:::This receives boos from the men:::

Hefner: To bring them along because they wanted to see their idol, their knight in shining armour, stand before them….shows what great women they are…..lets give it up for the ladies!

:::Hefner starts clapping:::

King: Lets give em’ a round of applause!! Stand up JR, a standing ovation is in order!!

:::King stands up and claps as Hefner raises the mic:::

Hefner: And because I knew these lovely ladies of Chicago were bringing along you special little guys tonight I decided to leave an autographed photo under each one of your seats. That’s right its an Oprah moment…feel free to frame it and put it on your wall!

JR: Man, this guy is full of it!

King: Haha….Oprah moment!! Man I wish Oprah was here, I’d give her a standing ovation JR! Hey, did anyone ever tell you, you look like Dr Phil!! Haha

:::A shot to the crowd shows most of the men ripping the photos up:::

Hefner: Aiight, now lets get down to business. Sexual Chocolate didn’t just come out here to grace you all with his pretty smile and charismatic good looks. He came out here looking for the next chump who wants to go one on one with da Pretty One.

Hefner: Da Main Event has already disposed of one chump….Mr…Mr….Mr Crispy that’s his name! Y’all saw the showstopper step up and put the Playboy Bomb on this poor excuse for an ASWF athlete. And then right after Sexual Chocolate has laid this poor man out, and is soaking in all the glory, Mr Chimpy has the audacity to put a cheap shot in….well, you gotta do wat you gotta do Mrs Crusty.

Hefner:If you are gonna record that on a cd and go around to your family and show them the time you put a cheap shot on the ASWF’s greatest wrestler. So that when the time comes for Sexual Chocolate to cut that little ribbon opening up the ASWF’s Huge Hefner Hall of Fame signifying Huge Hefner as the first inductee into his self titled Hall of Fame, you can show your little buck teeth grand children, that you once stood in the squared circle with the Main Event, the Stealth Bomber. Hey, for that I don’t blame you for what you did. Being in the same ring as me must of doubled your fan count. And yes, I can see those two guys in the arena right now.

:::Hefner points at two men in the crowd with Mr Charisma shirts on. One man is a midget, the other is a hairy fat bald man with no teeth who’s shirt hardly fits him:::

Hefner: Well enough about that chump! Now to you monkeys out back…you’ve seen what I can do to your fan count….if you want it doubled, maybe even tripled then step on out and throw me a ball. Cause Barry Bonds is right here at the plate looking to hit you out of da park baby!

:::Hefner stands and awaits some one, any one, to come from behind the curtains:::

*The Pink Pather music smashes into the area, followed by lovely pink dominated fireworks, at the top of the stage Randy Man appears, he begins by doing a little dance for the ladies delight, then from out of no where a pole rises out of the arena and he proceeds to pole dance*

JR: Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.

King: There is a first for everything JR, look at that he has Puppies!

JR: I need a new Job.

*Randy then stops and with a mike in his hand begins talking*

Randy: Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Huge Hefner. Now I hear you find yourself somewhat of a ladies man, and I must agree you do have the package. I have not come here to fight you Hef, I want to talk about a team. This team would stand for all things beautiful, mainly yourself and I and of course who could foget all these beautiful CHICAGO WOMEN....

*More screams from the female audience*

Randy: And we would fight against all things Ugly namely Marshall, Mr. Chippy or whatever his name is and all these derelict CHICAGO MEN.....

*Boos and Bottles start to get thrown towards the Randy Man*

Randy: Its simple Mr. Hefner you can be with me or against me. Oh and I almost forgot one thing.....LADIES...

*From the back the Randy Mans personal entourage of women surround him holding anything they can get their hands on*

Randy: We can be kings......

lmfao. Classic stuff guys.

As Randy Man stands there waiting for Huge Hefner's reply the crowd starts chanting 'You both Suck'. Huge looks at the crowd before raising his mic to address Randy Man:::

Hefner: Now, Sexual Chocolate aint gonna mess around here....he can see all those women are eager to get down here and touch this bulletproof chest.................Randy Man, you got yourself a deal, son.

King: Oh my god JR, I didnt think he would take the offer.

JR: Now we have a pair of idiots as a tag team in the ASWF.

King: And, we also have a great party....look at all the women these guys bring to the ASWF. I cant wait to go to the Playboy Mansion tonight.

Hefner: Randy Man, you are obviously one smart son of a gun to realise that tagging up with the Delicious One would bring you Tag Title glory. So not only have you got yourself a tag partner, but you might as well start practising how to put a belt on, son.....cause those belts are ours.......Chris Walker get down here and give Sexual Chocolate and Randy Man those damn belts. Aint nobody else deserve him.

:::Hefner stands there as Randy Man and the girls join him in tha ring:::

Hefner: Sooooo, The Showstopper is still waiting for an opponent for this week.....any chump come on out, bring a partner, bring your uncle with the wooden leg, bring a monkey.

:::Hefner, Randy Man and the girls stand there awaiting a challenger, a monkey or Chris Walker to award them with the belts:::