*Pyros flare up as the show starts*
Above the ring we can see a cage hanging. Wonder what that could be for?
'Bring Me Back to Life' hits and Chris Walker comes out, alongside his enforcer, Steve Simmons.
Chris: Last week I did something that many people thought was a little...'unfair'.
A package showing Steve Simmons' destruction of Brandell and Josh Hussey plays
Chris: Now, I really don't see what's wrong with beating down two talentless wrestlers, but some people have deigned it unfair. So here's my offer. Brandell, get out here.
'Simon Says' hits and out comes Brandell.
Brandell: What do you want Chris?
Chris: No need to be hostile. I'm offering you an opportunity. Wrestle Michael Vella tonight, and if you win, I'll give you the contract I promised. If not, you'll wrestle Vella and my man Steve next week in a handicap match. Sound fair?
Brandell: How do I know I can trust you?
Chris: You have my word.
Brandell: Well... I know what...
(Suddenly Michael Vella comes out from backstage and hits Brandell across the back with a chair!)
Steve Simmons rushes up the ramp, and the two beat down Brandell.
COMMERCIAL
Hens Love Roosters, Geese Love Ganders, Everyone Else Loves Ned Flanders...
We come back and find Charisma Chris Maunder backstage. He's on a massage table, getting a massage from a male masseuse.
Maunder: Oh, you're a miracle worker Lars. This is heaven.
Lars: Yah.
Natalie Gruzlewski enters to a big pop.
Natalie: Uh, Chris?
Maunder: (Looks up) Oh, Natalie. What was it you wanted?
Natalie: Well, I....
Maunder: Oh, God. That's the spot. Right there.
Natalie: I just wanted to...
Maunder: You'll have to speak up. Lars' magic hands are hard to compete with.
Natalie: I was wondering...
Maunder: Oh. Oh God. This is heaven...
Natalie: I'll come back later.
Maunder: What was that Natalie?
(She's gone)
'Simon Says' comes on and Brandell makes his way out to the ring, he gets a good reaction from the crowd. 'Stayin' Alive' hits, and Michael Vella comes out accompanied by Mario Fenech.
Mario: Alright, listen up folks, my man Michael here is about to show you what happens when a Maltese God steps into the ring. He will systematically annihilate this hairy-backed bastard, and make you all realise that the wog is right way to go!
Michael Vella vs. Brandell
The match gets underway with a series of blows exchanged between the two. Vella soon gets the upper hand, and ties up before hitting a belly to belly suplex. He gets up and stomps on Brandell, who rolls to the corner and tries to stand up. Vella beats him down with more punches, and Mario clambers up to choke him. The ref orders Fenech to get away from the apron. While he's distracted, Vella rakes Brandell's eyes and hits a suplex on him.
He makes a cover attempt, but Brandell kicks out after two. Vella whips, but Brandell reverses and hits a big clothesline. He doesn't have the energy to capitalise, and the two lie on the floor. Ref starts a count, and both stumble to their feet. Vella swings a big punch, which Brandell blocks, before connecting with a headbutt. Vella jumps back up, and gets a whipped into the corner. Brandell lines him up and charges forward with a roar. He hits a big time body splash! Vella is out! Brandell goes for the cover, but Mario drags him out of the ring! The ref orders him to leave the ring, and Vella pulls a set of brass knuckles from his tights! He swings, and Brandell ducks the blow. He hits a punch combo, and then a diamond-cutter variant!
He goes for a cover, but the ref is still arguing with Mario. Suddenly Steve Simmons runs down the ramp with a chair. He gets into the ring, but Brandell's ready. He dodges the chair-shot, and kicks Simmons in the groin! The chair falls to the canvas, and Brandell whips Steve. As he rebounds, he throws Steve out over the top rope, and picks up the chair. He bashes it against the ring post and then BAM! He's knocked Vella out cold! He tosses the chair out, and goes for the cover. The ref has conveniently returned. 1-2-3!
Winner: Brandell by pinfall
Brandell makes a quick escape, and Steve is furious. Vella clambers out of the ring, collects the chair, and hits Steve across the back! He then hits him twice more, before tossing the chair aside and heading backstage!
COMMERCIAL
Super Mario 11: Caught in the Unemployment Line
Backstage, Michael Sparrow is with Gay Pride.
Michael: Gay Pride, you'll be facing the Irish Connection tonight for the Tag Titles. Your critics have pointed out you haven't defended your titles cleanly since you got them. What do you say?
Trent: Well, this business isn't clean, sailor. You've got a lot of big, sweaty men hugging each other- and things are bound to get a little dirty.
Michael: No, not literally dirty, I mean- you've cheated twice now.
Aaron: Cheated? You little bitch Trent! Who was it. Was it MrCharisma? I know he's been eying you off, but...
Trent: No! He's lying Aaron. I swear it!
Michael: No, I meant, you cheated to win.
Aaron: Oh...that? That's how you play the game. If you can't handle the heat, get out of my ring.
Trent: Oh, that was cute Aaron.
Aaron: You think so? Thanks.
(Michael leaves)
The cameras go elsewhere, where MrCharisma is accepting a shipment of kebabs from a delivery guy.
Charisma: These are just what I need for tonight's welcoming ceremony for our new member.
Delivery Guy: Yeah, great, whatever.
Charisma: Are you dishreshpecting me?
Delivery Guy: Look, can you just sign the form so I can go?
Charisma: No, I don't think so. You dishreshpected the Maltese Rambo. Back the fuck up, you little poofter!
Delivery Guy: Riiiight.
Charisma punches the Delivery guy, knocking him down. He then unwraps a kebab, dripping with garlic sauce, and stuffs it into the guy's mouth
Charisma: Chew you dishreshpectful peon! Chew!
FADE
'Macho Man' plays and Gay Pride come out to the ring. Soon after 'Tubthumping' plays, and the Irish Connection of Maleky O'Connor and Tommy O'Reilly come out.
Gay Pride vs. The Irish Connection for the Tag Titles
Aaron and Tommy get the match underway. Aaron tries to unnerve Tommy by slapping his ass, but the Irishman grabs him by the wrist and wrenches his arm behind his back before hitting an axe-handle. He drags Aaron to the corner, and tags in Maleky. Maleky whips Aaron, who ducks a clothesline attempt, and then kicks Maleky in the stomach. He slingshots and goes for an axe kick, but Maleky steps back and hits a bulldog. He then tosses Aaron over the top rope. Trent comes in to make a save, but Maleky hits a jawbreaker on him. Outside, Tommy rams Aaron into the ring post and then rolls him back into the ring. The ref is ordering Trent out of the ring, and Tommy and Maleky double powerbomb Aaron. Maleky goes for a cover, and gets a 2 count.
Maleky tags out again, and Aaron is subjected to a series of punches before being whipped into the corner. Tommy ascends and does a 10 punch, taunting the crowd as he does so. He must be trying to get the fans offside. He gets to 8, and then Aaron shoves him off! He climbs up and hits a moonsault! Where did he get the energy for that? They're both down and crawling towards their corners. Tommy makes the tag, and Aaron leaps to make his.
Maleky rushes at Trent, who hits an impressive hip toss. Tommy runs in, and cops a cradle suplex for his troubles. The ref orders him out of the ring, and Trent locks a sleeper hold onto the bemused Maleky. Maleky looks like he's in trouble, but Tommy comes in with a shuffle kick to Trent's back to break the hold.
The kick hurt Trent, who stumbles towards his corner, but is caught in a schoolboy by Maleky. 1-2.... No! He kicks out. Maleky whips Trent, who does a springboard moonsault from the ropes and knocks him down. He rushes over to tag Aaron in, who goes up top to hit a missile drop-kick on Maleky! He goes for the cover, 1-2-2.9999! Tommy makes the save.
Tommy and Maleky double team Aaron, whipping him and then hitting a big time clothesline. This could be it, Trent tries to make the save, but Tommy cuts him off with a superkick! Maleky goes for the cover, but somehow Aaron kicks out! Maleky is stunned, and watches as the ref ushers Tommy out of the ring. Maleky continues his assault, whipping Aaron and hitting a crossbody. He goes for another cover, but Aaron kicks out. He's clearly frustrated, and tags Tommy in. Tommy's fired up, and he straight away hits an overhead belly to belly on Aaron. He doesn't even bother going for a cover, he rushes over and clotheslines Trent off the apron! He then makes a cover, but the extra time allows Aaron time to kick out!
The Irish Connection are clearly frustrated. Maleky gets into the ring and the pair try to double team Aaron again. This time Trent rushes into the ring, hitting a painful clothesline on Maleky! Maleky stumbles to the corner, and Gay Pride hit their flapjack variant on Tommy! Aaron covers, and before Maleky can make the save, the ref's counted the three! Gay Pride flee the ring.
Winners: Gay Pride by pinfall
COMMERCIAL
'Vegemite Enema' is the outstanding new album from Jimmy Barnes. Get it into ya!
Backstage we find a furious Irish Connection.
Tommy: That was shite. We got ripped off. That ref was clearly biased!
Maleky: I know what you mean. Those ass bandits have cheated their way to victory after victory. They did it last week, and tonight we got the short end of the stick again.
Tommy: Well, what are we going to do about it?
Maleky: I think I know someone who could help us out.
Tommy: Oh right. Who would that be?
Maleky: Trust me, I'll work it out.
Out in the ring is MrCharisma.
Charisma: Last week I was shcrood out of my cruiserweight title. Roll the footage.
(Footage of the finish to last week's match shows, there is nothing suspicious)
Charisma: It ish clear that Wizard 1o1 was ushing an illegal maneuvor. I have hired a lawyer, and he thinks I have a case for asking for a rematch.
Wizard 1o1's music hits and he comes out.
Wizard: A rematch!? You've got to be kidding! You're not even a cruiserweight. I mean, if we were wrestling in Japan, tossing salt over our shoulders, and wearing diapers- you might just squeeze in. But here, with all of us little folks, you're a f**king giant.
Charisma: I'm not fat. I'm festively plump!
Wizard 1o1: If you're festively plump, Santa must be anorexic.
Charisma: And I'm a big boned!
Wizard 1o1: Speaking of boned, I heard you and Aaron the Cheerleader had a bit of a relationship worked out....
Charisma: Take that back you shkinny bitch!
Wizard 1o1: How about I come down there, and you can beat an apology out of me?
Wizard 1o1 vs. MrCharisma (Non-Title)
There's no love lost as the match starts, with a heated exchange of punches ending when Wizard 1o1 gets the ascendency and floors Charisma. He gets some extra speed by catapulting off the ropes, hitting a flying elbow and going for a cover. Charisma is only stunned, and gets his shoulder up just after the one is counted. Wizard 1o1 isn't ready to relinquish his control, whipping MrCharisma in and attempt to hit a high flying maneuver. Charisma ducks what looks to be an attempted clothesline, and wraps Wizard up in a sleeper hold! Wizard struggles momentarily, before seizing on an idea, and dropping MrCharisma with a neck-breaker.
Wizard rebounds off the ropes to achieve 'rolling thunder', and this time the cover is more convincing, with MrCharisma only kicking out after two. As Wizard rebounds off the rope for another offensive move, Charisma picks him up in an amazing powerbomb variation! Wizard 1o1 is out, but Charisma lifts him up and hits up a bridging fisherman's suplex pin. 1-2-2.5.... Wizard 1o1 somehow kicks out, but he's shell-shocked, and MrCharisma whips him into the corner. He builds up some speed and rushes forward, but Wizard leaps to the outside and bashes MrCharisma's face against the turnbuckle. He then applies the guillotine, and Charisma looks out! Wizard goes up top and signals for the frog-splash, but Mario Fenech comes strutting down the ramp.
Wizard instead opts for a missile drop-kick on MrCharisma's manager! He stumbles into the barrier, and Wizard slides back into the ring while Charisma is still down. He hefts the Ethnic Champion up, sets him up for a snap suplex, but it is blocked! Charisma then reverses into his own suplex, this time a stalling brain-buster! Wizard 1o1 looks to be out cold, but somehow manages to kick out just shy of the three count. MrCharisma is furious, and he lays Wizard 1o1 without a few sharp punches. The predictable block and return ensues, with Wizard eventually flooring MrCharisma, and then hitting a low drop-kick on the dazed wog. He goes for a pin, but Mario is up on the apron distracting the referee!
Wizard 1o1 goes over and shoves the ref aside, but Mario is ready and guillotines the Cruiserweight champ! He stumbles back into a schoolboy, and it looks like the old fashioned screw-job will win it. NO! Wizard somehow kicked out, prompting MrCharisma to make another pin attempt. Wizard is out quicker this time, and MrCharisma is forced to lift him to his feet and try and finish it. He goes to set Wizard up for another brain-buster, but Wizard continually blocks it. Charisma continues to strain, and eventually gets Wizard 1o1 into the air, but the elusive lightweight slides out of it and hits a reverse neck-breaker! Wizard 1o1 looks like he'll snare a memorable victory! Wait! Fenech has put Wizard 1o1's foot on the ropes, and the ref breaks the pin. Wizard 1o1 is furious, and begins to yell at the ref, but MrCharisma takes quick advantage and rolls him up in a small package! He has his foot on the ropes, but the ref conveniently misses it! 1-2-3!
Winner: MrCharisma by pinfall
After the match Charisma grabs the mike.
Charisma: Mate, youse is a bitch. I showed you what Wog power can do, and I think now that I've won the match, I deserve another shot at your title. If I can beat the cruiserweight champion, that must make me #1 contender.
Wizard: (Stumbling to his feet) That would be true if you weren't so damn FAT! You can't be a cruiserweight, because the only cruiser you bear similarities with is a frigging police cruiser!
Charisma: Mate, you is just pished coz you lost. No need to get all grumpy. Tell you what, I'll go easy on you next week. Sound fair?
Wizard: Bring it on!
Wizard runs at Charisma and Fenech, who make a timely exit and flee up the ramp. Wizard 1o1 is left, fuming, in the ring.
COMMERCIAL
K-Y Jelly: Endorsed by Ian Roberts and the Entire Roosters 2002 Premiership Winning Squad
We return with a replay of the finish to the Wizard 1o1 vs. MrCharisma match. DJMaC struts out to the ring to 'Cry Me a River' as the clip ends, and is soon joined by Steve Simmons. The two cut an imposing combo, before DJMaC grabs the mike.
DJMaC: Last week I bridged a gap that pro-wrestling should have bridged years ago. It was audience involvement at its finest. Roll the footage!
Images from last week's assault of a crowd member by DJMaC play
DJMaC: Now isn't that every wrestling fan's dream? To get in the ring and mix it with their heroes? You suckers pay $600 a ticket to sit ringside, and I just grabbed one poor sap, and gave him his dream. He was closer to the action than any of you slack-jawed rednecks will ever be! He should thank me, but instead he gets Marshal 'The People's Assclown' Boyd to beat me when my back is turned.
Well, this week Marshal can't run away. Steve and I will beat down whomever he brings out here, and then we'll pin him 1-2-3. And if you faggots in the crowd don't like it, how about you get in the ring and see how you go?
The crowd parts and someone makes their way to the barrier! He leaps it and enters the ring. He's wearing a big hat and trench-coat, making it impossible to tell who it is.
DJMaC: Well, it seems the entire crowd managed to pitch together and find a set of balls to lend this poor sucker. Well, son, what's your name?
Stranger: Joe.
DJMaC: How imaginative. Well, who do you want to hit you first?
Stranger: How about I hit you
DJMaC: Ooh! Plucky, aren't we?
The stranger tears of his coat and hat to reveal that it is none other Marshal Boyd!
Boyd wastes no time in laying out Simmons and DJMaC with a quick barrage of punches, before backing up and grabbing the mike.
Marshal: You know, as much fun as it is to beat up two grown women, I really need to share this with someone. And do you know what? I'm so confident of winning this match, my partner will be a woman, just to make you ladies feel at home. Natalie, can you get out here?
Luck be a Lady by Frank Sinatra is crooned over the speakers, and sexy Natalie Gruzlewski struts to the ring!
DJMaC and Steve Simmons vs. Marshal Boyd and Natalie Gruzlewski (One Fall)
Marshal and DJMaC get things underway, with a hard tie up, which DJMaC soon turns into a whip. Marshal ducks a clumsy clothesline attempt, and hits DJMaC with a flying elbow. He then gets a slingshot off the ropes and drops his knees into DJMaC's side. Natalie is cheering on the apron, and soon starts a Marshal chant. DJMaC stumbles to his feet, but Marshal isn't going to let him tag out, and drops him with a standing dropkick. He then gets cocky, and locks in a sharp-shooter. DJMaC uses his upper body strength and crawls to his corner, tagging in Steve, who unleashes a sharp kick to the side of Marshal's head! Marshal goes down, but Steve doesn't let him off, dragging him to his feet and sending him straight back down with a sly uppercut. The ref warns him, but Steve shoulders him aside and drags Marshal to the corner farthest from Natalie. He climbs out of the ring and sets up one of Marshal's legs on either side of the ring posts. The ref signals for him to stop, but he ignores him and drags Marshal, balls first, into the post! Natalie is on her way! What can she do! She unwinds and collects Steve with an almighty slap across the face! He turns around, fuming, and grabs her face in one big, meaty hand. Her lips are squeezed up like she wants a kiss, and for a second, Steve looks like he's contemplating it. However, a chair to the back from Marshal spoils that idea.
Steve, dazed, is rolled back into the ring by Marshal. He checks on Natalie before sliding into the ring for the cover. Steve, with the extra time he was given, manages to kick out. Marshal isn't phased, and he drags Steve to his feet and signals for a DDT. Steve lands a few blows to Marshal's kidneys, and then makes a dash for his corner. He tags in DJMaC, who rushes at Marshal and collects him with a big boot! He then drags him to his feet and sets up up for a standing vertical suplex. He gets cocky, and lets Marshal hand there, so Natalie runs in and hits a missile drop-kick on DJMaC! He overbalances, falling backwards, and Marshal lands on top of him for the cover! 1-2-NO! Steve dives in for the save, and 'helps' Natalie out of the ring with a clothesline. He and Dave then set up Marshal for a double-team vertical suplex, which they get off, allowing DJMaC to make a cover. 1-2-3. NO! Marshal gets out at the last second.
DJMaC, with the ascendancy on his side, tosses Marshal into the corner. He then lays a few blows into him, whilst Steve chokes Marshal out from behind. Natalie's going skitz on the apron, so the ref hardly notices as he tries to keep her from the action. Whilst the ref is out of action, Michael Vella appears at the top of the ramp and rushes down! Steve turns, and he rushes up to meet Vella. The two brawl up the ramp and backstage. In the ring, DJMaC looks on in amazement as his partner disappears. Frustrated, he sets up Marshal for a powerbomb, but it's reversed into a sunset flip pin! DJMaC manages to kick out after two, but with his partner gone, doesn't look good. Marshal and him exchange a few punches, Mac ties up, and goes for a whip into the corner. He rushes after Marshal, who leaps over the top rope, and then applies a guillotine to DJMaC! He's prone, so Marshal tags in Natalie, who rushes over for the pin. 1-2-NO. DJMaC kicks out, and Natalie desperately scrambles for Marshal. DJMaC grabs her leg and drags her back, hefting her to her feet and planting a big, sloppy kiss on her lips! She pulls out and slaps him! He looks furious, and sets her up for a powerbomb as well! He can't! Marshal rushes in to make the save, hitting DJMaC in the side with a few sharp kicks. He then tags himself in, and gets things back underway.
FADE
Backstage we see Michael Vella and Simmons still brawling. Chris Walker emerges from his office.
Chris: What the hell do you think you're doing? I set up a match for DJMaC, and you two idiots let your petty argument spoil it?
Vella: It's called vengeance sir.
Chris: It's called vengeance? What the fuck!? You've watched one too many Sylvester Stallone movies Vella. Get out there and clean this mess up, or you'll be wrestling in jelly and a thong against Trent and Aaron!
Vella: Yes sir.
Back in the ring
Marshal has got some ascendancy here, laying into DJMaC with a few dropkicks, before heading up top for the five-star frog splash. He hits it, and almost has the pin when Vella appears and starts man-handling Natalie. Marshal breaks his own pin, and goes outside to stop Vella. Vella collects Marshal with a head-butt to the nose, knocking him out cold! He then kicks Boyd a few times, slaps Natalie's ass, and leaves through the crowd. DJMac gets a wild look in his eyes, and beckons Natalie into the ring. She refuses, but the ref reminds her she signed on for this match, and she nervously enters.
DJMaC holds his arms open for a hug, but Natalie rushes forward and collects him in the sack with a field-goal style kick! He is reeling, so she gets some slingshot and hits a bulldog! She goes for the cover, but DJMaC kicks out. He's obviously not in the mood for loving anymore, and he lets her know with a few slaps before whipping her and collecting her with a big boot. He then hefts her to his shoulder, and applies a torture rack! What a cruel bastard! She is out cold, but DJMaC drops her before she can be counted out, and then lays a few boots into her. He's sadistic! As the ref's count reaches 9, DJMaC moves forward and drags her to her feet. He sets her up in the corner, so that a leg is on either rope and she's 'spread open'. He then gets down on his knees and tries to slide her skirt up. Wait! Someone's entered the ring! It's Grant Johnston, the crowd member from last week, and he's got DJMaC's title!
DJMaC stands, and he is collected in the head by Johnston! The ref seems unphased, he's obviously not happy with DJMaC! Grant helps Natalie out of the ropes, and rolls her onto DJMaC! 1-2-3! Wait, the ref says DJMaC kicked out at the last second! Natalie is heart-broken, and outside Grant is terrified. DJMaC struggles to his feet, kicks Natalie low, and then hits his powerbomb on her! He covers. 1-2-3!
Winner: DJMaC and Steve Simmons by pinfall
DJMaC quickly leaves the ring and grabs Johnston. Looks like he's in trouble! Mac verbally abuses Johnston, but security comes to 'escort' Grant from the building before any pain can be administered. DJMaC storms backstage!
COMMERCIAL
Join Jenny Craig's intensive weight gain programme. You'll be looking like Christina Aguilera between albums in less than 10 weeks!
We find MrCharisma backstage, he's eating a pizza when the Irish Connection enter.
Tommy: Ah, the man of the hour. Good match tonight.
Charisma: Thanks guys, I was pretty happy with my technique.
Tommy: Yeah, whatever. We've got a proposition for you.
Charisma: Can I see it?
Maleky: See what?
Charisma: The proposition. Which one is it? Pikachu? Squirtle?
Tommy: No. A proposition, like a question.
Charisma: I knew that. Shoot!
Tommy: We want The Irish Connection to join the Maltese Terriers.
Charisma: Mate, I may not be a gyneacologist, but Ireland isn't in Malta.
Maleky: Sure it is, we got an atlas and everything.
They produce a hand-drawn map, with Malta and Ireland clearly marked
Charisma: Cool! OK guys, you can join. Now, about that proposition. Is it Charizard?
Maleky and Tommy leave laughing
COMMERCIAL
Taliban! Gotta Catch Them All!
We return to find Luke Sharpe out in the ring, he's standing and watching as the cage is lowered down around him. Once it's done, he speaks.
Luke: Jelly. Get your ass out here!
'I Like Aeroplane Jelly...' Jelly enters.
Jelly: What do you want bitch boy?
Luke: A match. You and me, right here.
Jelly: Mate, you can't expect me to come out there. You're the cheapest guy I know. Who have you got under the ring. Ottke? Mundine? The starting front row of the Wellington Cougars? You really do think I'm an idiot, don't you?
Luke: Yes, yes I do.
Jelly: Shut up! That was a rhetorical question! You want your match! You got it!
Jelly rushes into the ring!
Jelly Adams vs. Luke Sharpe: Cage Match: Non-Title
Jelly and Luke stare each other down, before they lock up. It's full of intensity, but Jelly wins out, whipping Luke hard into the side of the cage. Luke goes down, and Jelly lays a few boots into him. Luke crawls into the corner, but Jelly is like a terrier, and he won't let Luke recover. He's yelling about disrespect, and about Luke being a bastard. He lays a few punches in, but eventually Luke fights back. He bashes Jelly into the centre of the ring, kicks him in the stomach, and hits a bulldog. He then goes to the top rope and signals for a splash, but Jelly rolls to the side. He stands up and screams 'NOW'
MrCharisma, Mario Fenech, The Irish Connection, and Michael Vella all rush out, break into the cage, and begin to beat down Sharpedo. The ref calls for the bell, and Luke wins by DQ, but he's being beaten senseless!
Winner: Sharpedo by DQ
After the match, Sharpedo is beaten, and then dragged, on his knees, in front of Jelly.
Jelly: You little bitch! If I'm stupid, what does that make you? You fell right into my trap, and now my new posse is going to cripple you!
Charisma: You mean my possie....
Jelly: Yeah. Get this sucker up.
Luke is dragged to his feet, blood oozing from his head. Jelly hits the aeroplane drop! The ring shook!
The Maltese Terriers and Jelly kick Sharpedo for a while, before a Greek guy comes out and begins handing out kebabs. Everyone in ring (bar the Greek guy and Sharpedo) gets one. The Maltese Terriers munk down, Tommy and Maleky reluctantly, whilst Jelly seems disinterested.
Charisma: Today is the beginning of a new age. The Malteshe Terriers are now the Maltese Terriers plus one. That's right. We are the new look Malteshe Terriers!
Jelly: It's an honour guys. I've brought presents!
He hands each 'terrier' a box of maltesers
Charisma: (Wiping a tear from his eye) This ish one of the greatest days of my life. Better than my fourteenth birthday when I got my first gold chain and back-wax!
Vella: True, true.
Jelly: That's disgusting!
Charisma: I know, I got so much shit in school, all of my friends had their first back-waxing at ten. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer.
Jelly: Whatever. Here's to a big future. (He pours maltesers all over Sharpedo and leaves the ring).
FADE
Name: David Harris
Location: Armidale, NSW
Date: 1/8/2003
Website: www.aswfans.com
Good to be here in Armidale, a lot of Uni students in the crowd. Pyros are impressive, and there's a cage hanging over the ring. Can anyone say 'Cage match main event'?
Chris Walker comes out with Steve, gets a fairly decent amount of heat. He calls out Brandell and says some spiel about how he is 'sorry' and he'll give him one last chance. Brandell comes out and accepts a match. Brandell vs. Michael Vella. Great, big man vs. big man is hardly entertaining. After he accepts, Steve and Vella beat him down. He's getting a decent face push, crowd were booing Walker as he commanded the beating.
After the break, there's another 'gay' segment with Charisma Chris. He's getting a massage from some Swedish guy, and Natalie tries to ask him out again. She can't get a word in, because Chris keeps having mini-orgasms. Another funny segment, but I have no idea where this is going. Gay pride maybe?
Brandell comes out to a decent pop, and than Vella comes out with Mario. He goes on about Maltese Gods, and it looks like they're going to push the 'stable'. Mario stays ringside, parading around like Ric Flare.
#1 Match: Brandell vs. Michael Vella
This was a surprisingly good match. Brandell was in command for a lot of this, but Fenech continually screwed with him. Eventually Steve Simmons came down to hit Brandell with a chair, but missed, and Brandell used the chair to knock out Vella. He runs away, and Vella beats up Steve. Weird. Heel vs. heel match?
Another break, and when we come back Michael Sparrow is doing an interview with Gay Pride. Absolutely hilarious, because Aaron accused Trent of cheating with MrCharisma. Michael cleared it up, and the two cut a promo about their match against The Irish Connection.
There's another crazy segment, with MrCharisma buying some kebabs off a delivery guy. He says they're for the Maltese Terriers' new member. He then beats the poor guy up for 'dishreshpecting' him. Made him eat a kebab. Would've been better than the shitty hot dogs they were selling to us.
#2 Match: Irish Connection vs. Gay Pride (Tag Titles)
This was a mad match. Aaron and Trent tried their gay antics, but the Irish guys are cool, didn't take any shit. Tommy was the better wrestler, as he was last week, so I wonder if Maleky has an injury. It was a damn close match, Trent and Aaron ended up winning with their flapjack finisher. Good match.
After the break there's a short segment about Tommy and Maleky. They're tired of getting screwed, and Tommy says he has a plan. Maybe they'll join the Maltese Terriers?
Next up, MrCharisma comes out and rolls some footage of him losing the Battle Royale last week. I can't see anything wrong with it, but he's demanding a rematch because he was 'shcrood'. Wizard comes out, says some lame crap, he really shouldn't be on the mike. Like Rob Van Damn. No charisma
#3 Match: MrCharisma vs. Wizard 1o1
This is a good match. Wizard 1o1, for all of his bad mike skills, can wrestle with the best of them. MrCharisma doesn't do a lot of moves, but what he does look good. Mario Fenech comes out at one point, and gets a drop-kick for his troubles. He stays ringside though, and keeps agitating Wizard. Looks like he'll be a key player in the stable. Eventually he put Wizard's foot on the rope, and when Wizard got pissed, MrCharisma rolled him up. Typical screwjob.
Charisma and Wizard have an argument after the match, which ends in Wizard accepting a challenge for his title and chasing Charisma out of the ring.
After the break DJMaC comes out and conducts a funny heel interview. He's getting mad heat. He shows footage of beating up that audience member, and says it was 'audience participation at its finest'. He then brings Steve out, and they drag a volunteer from the audience. They berate him, and it's Marshal. He lays them both out, and then announces that Natalie will tag with him. YES!
#4 Match: DJMaC and Steve Simmons vs. Marshal Boyd and Natalie Gruzlewski
Without a doubt, my favourite match from the three shows. Last week's Battle Royale was good, but this had a lot of tension. Marshal basically took on both wrestlers all match, except he let in Natalie once or twice to try and pin. She got a lot of abuse, especially from Steve, who tried to kiss her. She had to kiss DJMaC too. Poor girl. Mostly she just looked good, which is a skill she has. Some idiot Wog nearby was practically cumming his pants watching. After a while, Vella takes out Steve, and they brawl backstage. It cuts to a break.
After the break, Walker yells at Vella and sends him back out. He hits Marshal with his head (wow) and leaves it as a 1 on 1. DJMaC calls in Natalie, she looks scared, and then he tries to kiss her. Then he does. She slaps him, and he beats her a bit. Then Grant hits the ring (the guy from last week), and hits DJMaC with the title! Natalie goes for a pin, but DJMaC kicks out and gives her a powerbomb. He gets the win. Damn, I thought she was gonna get a win.
BREAK
After the break, MrCharisma is backstage eating a pizza and the two Irish guys come in. It's hilarious, Charisma is such an idiot. They join his stable, but he's still raving about pokemon. So funny. Looks like they're the new stable members. What'd I tell you?
After the break, the cage has been lowered, and Luke is in the ring. Is it just me, or does no one care about this feud? He calls Jelly out, and they start brawling.
#5 Match: Luke Sharpe vs. Jelly Adams
This was a short match. Jelly did some brawling, then Luke started beating back. Jelly calls out 'now' and the Maltese Terriers run out and beat Luke down. Jelly announces himself as the new member, very cool twist.
BIGGEST POPS
1. Marshal Boyd
2. Natalie Gruzlewski
3. Brandell
4. Wizard 1o1
5. Gay Pride
MOST HEAT
1. DJMaC
2. Mario Fenech
3. MrCharisma
4. Jelly Adams
5. Michael Vella
