Jo: Earlier this week Kimberly and Lord East had their first date, let’s see how it went.

The night kicks off and we see Kimberly and Lord East eating dinner at a restaurant on the harbour in Sydney.
Kimberly: Do you love me?
East: Of course my Arabian jewel.
Kimberly: Good, then I want you to do something for me.
East: Anything my darling.
Kimberly: Ryan Jones has been giving me weird looks. I want you to make him stop.
East: But… Ryan’s a nice guy, I’m sure he didn’t…
Kimberly: (Fakes crying) You think I’m a liar? You hate me don’t you!
East: No, it’s just…
Kimberly: Well, I guess I won’t show you what I bought for tonight…
East: What did you buy?
Kimberly reveals a see-thru nightie.
East: Consider him beaten!

Dayne: Which brings you up to speed. So, without further ado, Lord East vs. the Dreg.

Lord East vs Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones : Supahfly uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Super frankensteiner on JD, who hit hard. Hooks the leg for a two count. JD counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Supahfly gets caught with a belly to belly suplex from JD. Supahfly takes a flying neckbreaker from Lord East. Hooks the leg for a two count. Lord East brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly kill Supahfly. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Supahfly gets caught with a short powerbomb from JD. Supahfly kicks Lord East in the gut to reverse the momentum. Springboard reverse elbow by Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones. Excellent move. Cover for a two count. Back heel kick off the second rope, JD goes down. Pin, but JD is out just before the three count. Hard back suplex on JD. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones strikes JD. Lord East ducks a clothesline attempt. Supahfly gets caught with a short powerbomb from JD. Lord East brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly kill Supahfly. Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones slams JD, who rolls onto his stomach. What is Lord East doing? Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones picks him up and signals for a powerbomb. He raises JD up...but then falls backward, getting crushed by his opponent in the process! Lord East is on top! 1....2....3! Looking at the replay, it appears that JD had taken a chain out of his tights and wrapped it around his fist! Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones must have been punched with that chain while in mid-powerbomb! What a cheap shot!

COMMERCIAL

Backstage we see Kimberly Edwards and Lord East.
Kimberly: Oh! You <i> do </i> love me!
Lord East: I don't know sugar-doll, I feel bad for having to beat Ryan down like that...
Kimberly: Aww.... don't worry snookums. Kimberly'll make it all better.
She pulls him in for a kiss, and slams the door.

We find Chris Walker in his office with his ‘secretary’, Natalie Gruzlewski.
Chris: Can you post this out in the locker room?
Natalie: Wizard 1o1 vs. John Cena vs. Ebessan vs. Jelly Adams for the ASWF World Title?
Chris: That’s right, make sure they know it’s tonight. (Natalie nods and leaves)

Hurricane is in the ring.
Hurricane: Good evening citizens! It seems that lately the feud between myself and Messiah has escalated to catalcysmic proportions. The self-titled Messiah and his band of religious zealots have been continually thwarting justice, and tonight I will make Messiah pay for his crimes!
Messiah's music hits and he runs down into the ring.
Dayne: Looks like that idiot Helms is about to get his ass kicked....

Hurricane Helms CM vs Messiah (For The Carnage Title) : Messiah uses a big bag of popcorn to floor Helms. Spinebuster by Messiah. Cover for a two count. Messiah misses a clothesline. Hurricane Helms CM strikes Messiah. Hard back suplex on Messiah. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? There's a two count on the pin. Messiah takes a thrown chair to the face. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Flying elbow from Hurricane Helms CM. Messiah comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Messiah crushes Helms with a running senton. Cover for a two count. Back heel kick off the second rope, Helms goes down. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Flying shoulder tackle by Messiah sends Helms to the mat. Springboard kick drives a table into Helms. Helms blocks a punch. Messiah takes a flying neckbreaker from Hurricane Helms CM. Vicious kick to the teeth from Hurricane Helms CM. Akira Maeda would be proud. Batista comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Clothesline...but Helms ducks! Messiah gets hit! Hurricane Helms CM knocks Batista out of the ring. Messiah is in trouble. Here it comes - Flying Neckbreaker. 1....2...3, it's finished. Messiah has a temper tantrum, kicking the ropes and punching the turnbuckles.

We find Hurricane Helms CM backstage celebrating his recent victory. As he celebrates, Messiah storms into his locker room.
Helms: Holy Intruding Assholes! What are you doing here? Did you want to have one last look at it?
Messiah: You stole that from me. In the name of G…
Hurricane: In the name of who? Ghepetto? Gary Oldman? Wait, I know. In the name of God?
Messiah: Don’t mock me you pathetic little green freak. I serve a higher power, and I demand you return my title.
Hurricane: How about… no?
Batista and Cometshark enter.
Helms: I see how it’s going to go. Bring it!
The three Judgement members advance, and a brawl ensues. Hurricane is beaten down, but Messiah leaves the title.

The Sparrow Brothers are in the ring. (The entire interview is dripping with sarcasm)
Michael: Gee Jason, what on earth is that you’ve got in your hand?
Jason: I’m glad you asked Michael, this is a picture of Aaron I found on a website.
Michael: And what website would that be?
Jason: That website would be www.manlovers.org
Michael: Really? (Slaps cheek in mock surprise) That’s disgusting!
‘White Wedding’ hits and Glitz and Glamour run towards the ring. The Sparrow Brothers flee through the crowd, with Glitz and Glamour in hot pursuit.

The backstage crew find the Sparrow Brothers as they duck into Wizard 1o1’s dressing room. A moment later Glitz and Glamour pass, and the Sparrow Brothers duck out behind them. Jason and Michael grab lead pipes and beat down the tag champions!
Jason: We’ll see you in the ring freaks!

Glitz and Glamour vs The Sparrow Brothers (For The ASWF Tag Titles) : Flying reverse elbow by Aaron the Cheerleader. Second rope flying axe handle, Nova goes down. Jason powers out of a headlock. Jason hits a dropkick on Aaron the Cheerleader. Michael Sparrow strikes Nova. Jason Sparrow misses a clothesline. Dropkick into the ladder by Aaron, sending it into Michael Sp. Springboard dropkick from Nova. Nicely done. Michael Sparrow gets sent flying to the outside. Meanwhile, Jason Sparrow is climbing the ladder! Glitz and Glamour see it...and run forward, knocking the ladder over! Jason gets sent from the ladder, over the top rope to the outside! Glitz and Glamour set the ladder up, and climb up to claim the prize and get the victory! The Sparrow Brothers don't look like they're finished by any means...and they rush forward to attack Glitz and Glamour, and send them to the outside.

We find Wizard 1o1 and John Cena backstage.
John: Best of luck tonight Wizard.
Wizard: I don’t need any luck, how about you have mine?
John: You expecting to see Sharpedo or Judgement ringside?
Wizard: I’m not expecting it. I know one of those suckers will try and enter the mix.
John: You’re not worried?
Wizard: When you’re as good as me, you don’t need to worry, you just need to rely on the idiocy of your enemy.
John: Understood.

John Cena vs Ebessan vs Wizard1o1 vs Jelly Adams (For The ASWF World Title) : Weak bodyslam on Wizard by Cena. John Cena hits Wizard. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Ebessan. Ebessan with a spinning neckbreaker on Wizard. DDT from the top rope by Ebessan. That looked brutal. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Tag to Jelly Adams. Bodyslam by Jelly. Tag between Wizard1o1 and John Cena. Kick from John Cena to the leg. Jelly Adams comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Massive lariat, apparently Jelly has been watching The Best Of Stan Hansen again. Pin : 1 - 2- 3. Jelly defeats Cena. Jelly takes a flying neckbreaker from Wizard1o1. Super kick by Wizard1o1. Cover for a two count. Hard back suplex on Jelly. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Tag between Jelly Adams and Ebessan. Hard back suplex on Wizard. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Ebessan hits a rolling kick on Wizard. Wizard1o1 takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Ebessan takes a flying neckbreaker from Wizard1o1. Vicious kick to the teeth from Wizard1o1. Akira Maeda would be proud. Pin, three count, it's over. Wizard1o1 pins Ebessan. Wizard crushes Jelly with a running senton. Jelly walks into a face crusher variation. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Jelly powers out of a headlock. Wizard1o1 slams Jelly, who rolls onto his stomach. What is Jelly Adams doing? Wizard1o1 picks him up and signals for a powerbomb. He raises Jelly up...but Sharpedo leaps up onto the apron and hits Wizard across the back with a chair! He falls to the ground and Jelly makes the cover. 1....2....3!

Jo: Once again Jelly's aided by cheating and underhanded techniques.
Dayne: Hey, if Wizard 1o1 had any friends, they'd have helped him. It's not Jelly's fault that he's so popular.
Jo: That's it for tonight. What'll happen next week on ASWF Carnage?

Written by Chris-Walker Bush