The cameras fade in, and we see Wizard 1o1 walking backstage. He passes a few other ASWF superstars on his way to the ring.

Jo Guerrera: I think he’s coming out here!
Dayne: Well, that’s obvious Jo. He even passed a sign labelled ‘ring’. You must have amazing powers of deduction to make that leap.

Wizard 1o1 arrives in the ring.
Wizard: Last week I earned another shot at the ASWF World Title by beating Messiah like the freak he is. Tonight, I’m going to win the ASWF Title from Jelly ‘I Take it from Behind’ Adams. I am here to demand…
Jelly’s music hits and he runs into the ring from the crowd with a chair. He takes a wild swing, which Wizard 1o1 ducks. Wizard lays a few punches on Jelly, and then whips him. A massive clothesline has him out cold, and Wizard 1o1 hits a Shooting Star Press! He then takes the chair and belts the already stunned Jelly, spilling his blood!
Wizard: You know what? I don’t want your title, I want your life. You and me tonight. First blood. And just so the fans know how that particular match will finish…
He hits Jelly again, knocking him out cold.

Lord East vs Trent Da Flight Attendant : Flying shoulder tackle by Trent sends JD to the mat. Nice piledriver on JD. Hooks the leg for a two count. JD counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. JD hits a wicked chop that echoes through the building. Big dropkick by Lord East, who got good elevation. Hooks the leg for a two count. Vicious kick to the teeth from Lord East. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Hard impact russian legsweep by JD. If you're going to get impact, 'hard' is probably a good way to go. Lord East gets taken down out of nowhere. Spear by Trent Da Flight Attendant. There's a two count on the pin. Powerbomb on JD. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Trent slams Lord East down. JD takes a headbutt from Trent Da Flight Attendant. Lord East pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. JD drives a thrust kick into the chest of Trent. Delayed brainbuster suplex, JD held that one for ages. Kimberly Edwards has climbed up onto the apron! JD turns...and falls for the distraction! Trent Da Flight Attendant runs at JD from behind...but misses! Trent Da Flight Attendant collides with Kimberly Edwards! Trent Da Flight Attendant gets knocked to the ground by JD. Here it comes...Ankle Lock! Trent Da Flight Attendant taps! Kimberly Edwards remains in the ring. Trent Da Flight Attendant pushes the referee away, then slams Kimberly down! Trent Da Flight Attendant climbs to the top rope and hits the Clipped Wings! Kimberly Edwards has been knocked silly.

Jo: What was Kimberly Edwards doing helping Trent?
Dayne: Helping him? She cost him the match!
Jo: She was out here to help Trent, but JD got lucky and won anyway!

Kimberly Edwards is backstage being tended to by medical staff when Lord East strolls in.
East: Oh! There you are, I just wanted…
Kimberly: Don’t hit me! I was just…
East: Hit you? No! I wanted to thank you for helping me tonight.
Kimberly: Helping you? But I…
East: No need for explanations. I’ve felt it to, ever since I saw you in the locker room. It’s chemistry. It’s undeniable. It’s fate.
Kimberly: What? I…er…
East: You’re too shy to ask? I would’ve thought you a liberated woman, but if you want to be old fashioned, I can accommodate. Kimberly, will you allow me to escort you to dinner next week?
Kimberly: I guess so…
East: Whoot! Yes! Thankyou! (He leaves elated, and Kimberly looks confused)

Dayne: What an idiot! Kimberly runs down to help Trent, and he assumes it’s love! I can’t wait to see how this works out.
Jo: The poor guy’s infatuated with that conniving bitch!
Dayne: I’d be in love with her to. I mean, have you seen that ass? You could play tennis up against it. POW!
Jo: You’re as disgusting as ever.

Chris Walker enters the ring.
Chris: I understand that while he was ‘visiting’ Fight Friday, Messiah was handed a title by Kathy Zahn. I’m sure even someone as stupid and narrow-minded as him knew this was an attempt to buy him out. I couldn’t be bothered matching her offer, that’s why I’m just going to destroy the Religious title. Effecive immediately. And since Messiah sees himself as the authority on Carnage, I’ll have all of Kathy Zahn’s lawyers forward all enquiries to him.

Messiah \ Batista vs Helms \ Supahfly : Flying elbow from Hurricane Helms CM. Lightning kick by Helms on Batista. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag between Hurricane Helms CM and Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones. Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones scoops up Batista. Helms bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Supahfly uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Hooks the leg for a two count. Stiff high kick on Batista by Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones who has evidently been watching some old AJPW tapes recently. Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Brutal powerbomb on Supahfly. Tag between Batista and Messiah. Flying shoulder tackle by Messiah sends Supahfly to the mat. Messiah hits a stump piledriver on Ryan 'Supahfly' Jones. Messiah walks into a trip. Tag to Hurricane Helms CM. Spinning bulldog in the corner, Messiah is down. Slingshot senton by Helms, crushing the chest of Messiah. Pin, but Messiah is out just before the three count. Helms hits a wicked chop that echoes through the building. Helms only gets knees on a splash. Super kick by Messiah. Hurricane Helms CM hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Messiah scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Hurricane Helms CM got screwed out of the victory! Messiah \ Batista nod at each other...and they attack Helms \ Supahfly! The element of surprise works in their favour, and they have soon left Helms \ Supahfly down and out on the canvas.

We find Gorgeous George backstage on the phone.
George: Are you sure your mother is alright? PAUSE That’s good. PAUSE Still, I wish you were here. Wifebeater’s been sneaking around outside my locker room. PAUSE Yes, I remember what you taught me- go for the crotch. PAUSE OK Steve, I love you, bye!
As she hangs up Wifebeater comes from behind and throws a gag over her mouth. She kicks and screams, but he drags her away.

Jo: Where could he be taking her?
Dayne: I don’t know, but he’ll have hell to pay when Steve finds out.

We see Ebessan backstage, he is chatting to some roadies. As he talks, John Cena creeps up on him and smacks him with a chair. He then lays him out with a few more chair-shots.
Cena: See you in the ring!

Ebessan vs John Cena : Big kick from Cena. John Cena uses a running dropkick into the corner. There's a two count on the pin. Ebessan blocks the suplex attempt. Ebessan strikes Cena. Running knee lift from Ebessan. There's a two count on the pin. Cena walks into a face crusher variation. Pin, but Cena is out just before the three count. Cena takes a flying neckbreaker from Ebessan. Cena counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Powerslam from John Cena on Ebessan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from John Cena, Ebessan barely got hit. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Face crusher from Cena on Ebessan. Ebessan takes a right hand to the temple from Cena. Ebessan avoids a John Cena avalanche. Ebessan hits a dropkick on John Cena. Vicious kick to the teeth from Ebessan. Cometshark comes running down the aisle with a chair! Ebessan and John Cena continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Cometshark slides in and blasts John Cena with a chair to the head! Mauler climbs out of the ring, the damage done! John Cena is in trouble. Ebessan Driver! 1....2....3. Cometshark remains in the ring. John Cena pushes the referee away, then spins Mauler around! John Cena hits the Protoplex! Cometshark has been floored after the match.

We find Wizard 1o1 backstage, without Justin McIntyre.
Wizard 1o1: I guess Justin’s finally taken my advice and considered a career in janitorial work. I’m going to keep this short and sweet, because I think I made my feelings for Jelly clear earlier tonight. This match isn’t going to be pretty, and in that way it’s got a lot in common with Jelly’s last girlfriend. But what it doesn’t have in common with Jelly’s girlfriend is that it’ll be bloody, ferocious, and painful. Actually, that does sound like Jelly’s last girlfriend. Go figure!

Wizard1o1 vs Jelly Adams : Dropkick connects, Jelly goes down. Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Second rope flying axe handle, Jelly goes down. Jelly Adams fights out of a grapple. Spear by Jelly Adams. Wizard blocks a kick from Jelly Adams. Wizard crushes Jelly with a sweet running senton. Jelly walks into a face crusher variation. Jelly Adams comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Jelly bodyslams Wizard1o1. Wizard reverses a waistlock. Driven DDT by Wizard1o1. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Wizard picks up a chair. Jelly Adams turns around...and gets smashed over the head with it! That has to be at least a 0. 5 on the Muta scale. The referee sees blood, and this match is over! Wizard1o1 offers a handshake to Jelly...and he accepts it! No! Jelly Adams levels Wizard with a cheap shot right hand! Jelly Adams hits the Aeroplane Drop! Wizard1o1 has been floored after the match.

Jo: Wizard 1o1 certaintly showed his dominance in that match!
Dayne: Dominance, excuse me, but who is laying unconscious on the mat?
Jo: Jelly hit him with a cheap shot!
Dayne: All's fair in love and wrestling Jo. You don't like it? Deal with it!

Written by Chris-Walker Bush